Page 2 | Parental responsibility

catwoman1970 · 2021-07-06T17:03:09+00:00

53catwoman1970 I Need your help again guys, short story is me and my 11 year old son had a fight sat and I dropped him to his dad saying that's it you can live with your father now, expecting his dad to help and sort things out but he has gone against me and said he is going to live there now. Where do I stand it was just an argument? If I ask my son in school tmrw to come home and he chooses to stay with his dad where do I stand. I'm so scared I will lose him, his dad struggles to have him more that once a week and now to spite me he will try and take him, he's on birth cert but I receive child benefit Thanks

Dollygirl2008 · 06/07/2021 19:04

OMG I literally can't believe what I'm reading. So much for standing by each other and being kind!

OP I'm so sorry that this has happened. We all have arguments and we all say things we shouldn't. Please dont beat yourself up about it - I suspect he pushed you to the edge of your limit and you responded with anger which is normal, and we take it out on those we love dearest.

Let things calm down and then talk to your son. Make him see that you said it in anger and never meant if - well, maybe you did for a split second! It will be fine - he needs to calm down as well and then maybe you both sit down and talk about what made you both so angry.

Don't listen to the horrible comments on here - some people are just too perfect! Being a lone parent is bloody hard sometimes, and we all make mistakes.

Keep us posted - and in the meantime, just wish that you could be as righteous as some of these posters!!!

Original poster

catwoman1970 · 06/07/2021 19:07

@Blacktothepink

Unfortunately you told him to live with his dad… It might be that his dad soon tires of having him there and sends him back to you…poor kid

We were together when he was born, I found out he was prending to go to work (nights) and leaning me to cope on my own after having an emervency c section, a friends husband worked serurity at a casino that he was hanging around at all night rather than be with us, then when we split up I didn't see him for over 6 months, he was going to sex club and taking drugs and I don't know whether they would do it when my son is there but I know they used to be live on the site when they had him as I made a false profile to keep an eye on it all. Why would you be cruising a sex site when you have your baby for one night a week

OP posts:

Original poster

catwoman1970 · 06/07/2021 19:10

@Dollygirl2008

OMG I literally can't believe what I'm reading. So much for standing by each other and being kind!

OP I'm so sorry that this has happened. We all have arguments and we all say things we shouldn't. Please dont beat yourself up about it - I suspect he pushed you to the edge of your limit and you responded with anger which is normal, and we take it out on those we love dearest.

Let things calm down and then talk to your son. Make him see that you said it in anger and never meant if - well, maybe you did for a split second! It will be fine - he needs to calm down as well and then maybe you both sit down and talk about what made you both so angry.

Don't listen to the horrible comments on here - some people are just too perfect! Being a lone parent is bloody hard sometimes, and we all make mistakes.

Keep us posted - and in the meantime, just wish that you could be as righteous as some of these posters!!!

Thank you. Its the first time I've ever shouted at him I just snapped I guess I'm a good mother I really am, I wanted help and I guess wanted to scare his dad into helping more, he picks and chooses when he sees him, one weekend he picked him up from school and brought him back Sunday night still in his uniform, I cried, imagine my little boy wearing his svhool uniform all weekend, my heart broke

OP posts:

Original poster

catwoman1970 · 06/07/2021 21:28

@Dollygirl2008

OMG I literally can't believe what I'm reading. So much for standing by each other and being kind!

OP I'm so sorry that this has happened. We all have arguments and we all say things we shouldn't. Please dont beat yourself up about it - I suspect he pushed you to the edge of your limit and you responded with anger which is normal, and we take it out on those we love dearest.

Let things calm down and then talk to your son. Make him see that you said it in anger and never meant if - well, maybe you did for a split second! It will be fine - he needs to calm down as well and then maybe you both sit down and talk about what made you both so angry.

Don't listen to the horrible comments on here - some people are just too perfect! Being a lone parent is bloody hard sometimes, and we all make mistakes.

Keep us posted - and in the meantime, just wish that you could be as righteous as some of these posters!!!

After all the replies I really feel like I've done something so bad it cant be repaired and I have no right to ask him to come home, like I am the worst person for taking him to his dad's cos he was screaming the place down cos I told him off and I just got totally sick of it, I know I should have sorted it calmly but I didn't

OP posts:

Sunshinedaisymeadowsxx · 06/07/2021 21:34

@catwoman1970 we do all make mistakes, and this was exactly that, however I think you do need to acknowledge the emotional imap t of essentially being told because of an argument that the person you love the most in the world doesn’t want you to live with them anymore.

It will take some fixing, yes he might not want to come home right now, and you can’t blame him for that.

All you can do is tell him you are sorry, tell him you love him and that your door is always open for him.

SpaceRaiders · 06/07/2021 21:40

Op we all make mistakes, don’t beat yourself too much about it, it’s comes down to how you handle it going forward that will either prompt him to stay there or come home. Give him a few days. Then call him ask to meet for a chat then apologise, tell him you love him and that you lost your temper. I think he’ll most likely return.

If he does decide to stay, tell him you’ll miss him but you will support him if that’s what he’s decided.

Original poster

catwoman1970 · 06/07/2021 21:40

[quote Sunshinedaisymeadowsxx]@catwoman1970 we do all make mistakes, and this was exactly that, however I think you do need to acknowledge the emotional imap t of essentially being told because of an argument that the person you love the most in the world doesn’t want you to live with them anymore.

It will take some fixing, yes he might not want to come home right now, and you can’t blame him for that.

All you can do is tell him you are sorry, tell him you love him and that your door is always open for him.[/quote]
I will, he knows I love him more than anything we are so close that's why it's hurting so much x

OP posts:

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 07/07/2021 06:28

This is the first time you've shouted at him?? I've got a gaming obsessed 13 year old and I shout at him a LOT. How have you got a child who is so disrespectful and obsessed with gaming and you've let it get to the point of handing him over to his dad? That's the bit you need to crack. I'm not advocating shouting but sometimes kids that age need discipline/boundaries and they need them to be strongly enforced. Have you sought help with parenting and boundaries? What do you do when he's disrespectful?

Dollygirl2008 · 07/07/2021 13:59

Just reading some of these replies is infuriating me. No wonder we have a generation of snowflake children. All of you flaming the OP, can you actually put your hand on your heart and say that you've never got angry with your child(ren), said something you wanted to take back, made a mistake?

PumpkinKlNG · 07/07/2021 14:03

No one is claiming they haven’t? But the op told the boy to live with his dad and now he’s doing just what she told him to do? I’ve never told my kids to go and live with their dad (well he wouldn’t have them anyway 😂)

SpaceRaiders · 07/07/2021 14:19

It’s one thing to lose your rag but it’s the fact that op not only put that option on the table whilst angry, but also physically took him there. I don’t want to be harsh on Op, but kids will remember that one time you lost your temper and said something you shouldn’t have done.

Unless there is a huge back story, it’s often the case that teens will choose to live with their other parent for a while. And as hard as this must be, you’ve got to let them experience all the good and bad for themselves. More often than not they realise how good they have it at RP and come back.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 07/07/2021 14:43

@Dollygirl2008

Just reading some of these replies is infuriating me. No wonder we have a generation of snowflake children. All of you flaming the OP, can you actually put your hand on your heart and say that you've never got angry with your child(ren), said something you wanted to take back, made a mistake?

I've done loads of things I regret! I shout at mine several times a week. I've never booted him out of home though.

Mani2021 · 08/07/2021 21:41

Oh dear, what an upsetting situation to be in! It probably wasn’t the best decision to have taken your son to his dad, it must have really confused and frightened him. However, these things happen and parents can snap now and then. Nobody is perfect. I hope things are ok now? Your son should realise he wants to be home with you again but you need to have a kind chat with him about what happened and that you won’t do that again.

If he isn’t back and dad is being difficult, drop me a private message, I’m a family solicitor.