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Original poster

Parental responsibility

38 replies

catwoman1970 · 06/07/2021 18:03

53catwoman1970

I Need your help again guys, short story is me and my 11 year old son had a fight sat and I dropped him to his dad saying that's it you can live with your father now, expecting his dad to help and sort things out but he has gone against me and said he is going to live there now.

Where do I stand it was just an argument? If I ask my son in school tmrw to come home and he chooses to stay with his dad where do I stand. I'm so scared I will lose him, his dad struggles to have him more that once a week and now to spite me he will try and take him, he's on birth cert but I receive child benefit

Thanks

OP posts:
PumpkinKlNG · 06/07/2021 18:16

He didn’t go against you? You told him to live with his dad which is now what he is doing? Be careful as this happened to my sister and my nephew never came home and her ex claimed cm and all the benefits.

coodawoodashooda · 06/07/2021 18:18

That sounds awful. Im sorry op.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 06/07/2021 18:19

You don't stand anywhere! You sent him to his dad and now he wants to stay there. I guess you hope that you can repair the relationship and encourage him to spend time with you if he doesn't want to come back

endofjune · 06/07/2021 18:20

@coodawoodashooda

That sounds awful. Im sorry op.
Slightly kinder reply, wasn’t it?

I wouldn’t worry OP, it sounds like one of those things. Give it time to blow over. Flowers

Doyoumind · 06/07/2021 18:23

You sit down with him and apologise profusely and admit you acted like an idiot as you let your emotions get the better of you. You try to resolve whatever the issue was like an adult. It may not work though. You rejected him and gave him and your ex power.

Original poster
catwoman1970 · 06/07/2021 18:40

Even though I have brought him up near enough on my own for the last 10 years? So do I ask him tmrw if he wants to come back and live here? We have never fallen out before and his dad and gf well swingers, I just don't think it's healthy for him to live there but yes I did drop him off and say that he can live him his dad, I was exhausted and at breaking point

OP posts:
Original poster
catwoman1970 · 06/07/2021 18:42

I mean the dad has gone against me not my little boy

OP posts:
PumpkinKlNG · 06/07/2021 18:42

At 11 he can make up his own mind regardless of whether you brought him up, I’m not sure what them swinging has to do with things either. I’m sure they won’t be doing it whilst he’s there

GetTaeFuck · 06/07/2021 18:42

That is the most manipulative, horrible thing I have ever read on here.

Original poster
catwoman1970 · 06/07/2021 18:44

@GetTaeFuck

That is the most manipulative, horrible thing I have ever read on here.
What one argument and I drop him to his dad, hoping he will speak to him and sort things out and when every one has calmed down it goes back to normal, how?
OP posts:
Original poster
catwoman1970 · 06/07/2021 18:46

@PumpkinKlNG

At 11 he can make up his own mind regardless of whether you brought him up, I’m not sure what them swinging has to do with things either. I’m sure they won’t be doing it whilst he’s there
I'm going to ask him tmrw if he wants to come home or not and of course tell him I'm sorry and I love him
OP posts:
GetTaeFuck · 06/07/2021 18:46

You told your child he couldn’t live with you any more.

Dumped him on his fathers doorstep.

His father has taken him in.

And you’re mad? Seriously?

GetTaeFuck · 06/07/2021 18:46

If that’s how you behave after one argument then I’d wager your child is better off without someone who has such wild over reactions.

PumpkinKlNG · 06/07/2021 18:47

I don’t get why you dumped him at his dads if he hasn’t been involved and you brought him up alone?

Original poster
catwoman1970 · 06/07/2021 18:49

@GetTaeFuck

You told your child he couldn’t live with you any more.

Dumped him on his fathers doorstep.

His father has taken him in.

And you’re mad? Seriously?

So you are saying after one fight, that's it lol there is no gking back abd everyone working it out, I didn't dump him with a stranger it was the other parent, who I rung and said I was on my way to him
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Original poster
catwoman1970 · 06/07/2021 18:50

@PumpkinKlNG

I don’t get why you dumped him at his dads if he hasn’t been involved and you brought him up alone?
He has him once a week normally on a sat but said he was working but when I got there he was in bed
OP posts:
GetTaeFuck · 06/07/2021 18:51

Why are you mad then? He’s his parent, as you’ve said.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 06/07/2021 18:53

What do you expect to happen?
If your son wants to come back and live with you then you'll have to do a lot of work to get him to trust you again. If he doesn't want to come back then there is little you can do.
You've seriously broken his trust.

RainCloudz · 06/07/2021 18:53

You need to sincerely apologise to your child.

SummerHouse · 06/07/2021 18:54

I think it's highly likely he will want to come home. And home is with you. You are doing the right thing by asking him. Just make sure he knows he can come home any time and you are there for him. Every parent on god's green earth will have had a "that's it!" moment. Followed by declaring something they don't mean and they later regret. It's how you pick yourself up and deal with the fall out that matters. You can do this. Flowers

chickenyhead · 06/07/2021 18:55

OFGS the OP was clearly at the end of her tether and wanted the other parent to back her up in discipline. Instead he has decided to keep DS despite little interest before.

Unfortunately OP it does leave you with very little option. If I were you I would not pressure him home, this may make them dig in their heels. I would apologise and explain that I would be there and loved them.

PumpkinKlNG · 06/07/2021 18:56

Maybe he didn’t “keep” him at 11 he’s not really “keeping” him ds would be making the choice to stay

Original poster
catwoman1970 · 06/07/2021 18:58

@RainCloudz

You need to sincerely apologise to your child.
Yes I'm going to tmrw, but I think we both have things to work out its been a long time coming, if I try abd take my son anywhere he kicks off, I can't even call anywhere for say milk or bread, I took him to a birthday party and he enjoyed but when we came out he said how much he hated it and things like that.... Just being spiteful and ungrateful, he just wants to play computer games 24 7 and not go anywhere or do anything and I can't live like that, and then it causes friction
OP posts:
Blacktothepink · 06/07/2021 18:58

Unfortunately you told him to live with his dad…
It might be that his dad soon tires of having him there and sends him back to you…poor kid Sad

Original poster
catwoman1970 · 06/07/2021 19:01

@SummerHouse

I think it's highly likely he will want to come home. And home is with you. You are doing the right thing by asking him. Just make sure he knows he can come home any time and you are there for him. Every parent on god's green earth will have had a "that's it!" moment. Followed by declaring something they don't mean and they later regret. It's how you pick yourself up and deal with the fall out that matters. You can do this. Flowers
This is all it was, we are really close and love each other lots it was just a fight and I was exhausted and upset, I guess at the time I may have ment it but that evening I totally regretted it, I haven't spoken to my son since as he is in school and then his dad has been picking him up, I hope he wants to come home I really do I just wanted to ask advice right or wrong I can't turn back the clock now it's done
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