Am I the only one who is stupid enough to still have love/feelings for my ex, even tho he's been a prick for ages. I understand how, I should be angry, and I am, and rise above it, which I do, but f*ck it STIll hurts, and I still have feelings for him.

[pirategirl]

I think

Is it becuase

a, I have low self esteem, (don't think I desreve any better type thing)

no, I know i deserve better

b, I wish it had never happened and I want him to come home

yes, and sometimes

c, I am just lonely and all the agrro seems to be about 80 % of what my life 'is'

yes and prob

does anyone truly stop loving their ex. And if I don't stop lovinghim and caring about what he thinks of me, am I severly weird or stupid, or what.

No, I don't think you are stupid at all. I have a partner and am happy with him (most of the time!) but I still love my ex and probably always will. I know we wouldn't have worked out but I still wonder what might have been and worry about him and what he thinks of me.

If you are weird then so am I.

pirategirl, i am the same.

i dont want to have any feelings for him, but i am hoping these feelings will fade with time????

by the way, how long since you split up?

I am 2.5 months into our seperation. Still having wildy differing emotions. He broke my heart as I loved him but I don't suppose I was in love with him for ages now.

I have done all the what is wrong with me? Why am I not good enough?
BUT when it comes down to it it is him that is not good enough, I have a purpose (my kids) and the chance to make my life better. He just seems a bit pointless and lacking now.

Of course it kills me to think of him with the new woman girl but I have to stop asking, why her? why not me? etc etc because I really do know the answers to all my questions CAUSE HE IS CRAP!!!

Good bloody luck to him. I know what I am doing, he hasn't a clue and I predict it will all come crashing down when she wants; kids/ to move on from him/ to see him more/ starts to resent the maintenance/ to ditch to old guy/ get on with her own life/ go out with her young pals, etc etc etc.

Start working on your own self esteem dear, you need to look out for yourself. (just like everyone says .)

its going to be 3 yrs in feb.

3 yrs babe , I take you have found it very hard to move on? Perhaps you need advice on getting over this relationship or how to improve your self esteem etc.

It sounds like you need to do something.

I still go very wobbly over ds1's dad, not that I ever see him but he was the absolute love of my life - not sure why, as he used me really but there you go. There was something about him.
When he left us I lost the will to live and it has been very, very hard to get to the stage 3 years later where I think soeone else might be about to replace him at the top of the list - mind you it is totally different, a very different feeling now. Nothing will come close to my obsessive love for the other one - though like I said, it wasn't very justified, it was very thrilling though. I can at least see him for what he was now but yes, it's been very hard and I'm not sure how I'll react if I do see him again one day.
I understand how you feel. No you can't switch off something so deep, but you can learn to live with it Give it time, girl...early days. Your heart must still be breaking. I know exactly how you feel.

I still go very wobbly over ds1's dad, not that I ever see him but he was the absolute love of my life - not sure why, as he used me really but there you go. There was something about him.
When he left us I lost the will to live and it has been very, very hard to get to the stage 3 years later where I think soeone else might be about to replace him at the top of the list - mind you it is totally different, a very different feeling now. Nothing will come close to my obsessive love for the other one - though like I said, it wasn't very justified, it was very thrilling though. I can at least see him for what he was now but yes, it's been very hard and I'm not sure how I'll react if I do see him again one day.
I understand how you feel. No you can't switch off something so deep, but you can learn to live with it Give it time, girl...early days. Your heart must still be breaking. I know exactly how you feel.

I still go very wobbly over ds1's dad, not that I ever see him but he was the absolute love of my life - not sure why, as he used me really but there you go. There was something about him.
When he left us I lost the will to live and it has been very, very hard to get to the stage 3 years later where I think soeone else might be about to replace him at the top of the list - mind you it is totally different, a very different feeling now. Nothing will come close to my obsessive love for the other one - though like I said, it wasn't very justified, it was very thrilling though. I can at least see him for what he was now but yes, it's been very hard and I'm not sure how I'll react if I do see him again one day.
I understand how you feel. No you can't switch off something so deep, but you can learn to live with it Give it time, girl...early days. Your heart must still be breaking. I know exactly how you feel.

Sorry, bloody computer disconnected and it posted 3 times. Argghhhh!

Oh god pirategirl, thats a long time

i hope to God that i dont still have feelings for him in 3yrs time, but i bet nothing will change and i will be in same situation as you.

We did only split 7mths ago, and it actually didnt sink in til 3-4mths ago (when i found he had new woman PLUS baby on the way ), so im hoping it will fade in time. i was devastated and wanted to die, so it has to get better??

i am madly trying to sort out Uni for next sept, a teaching career, trying to save my home from being sold, plus fixing a part time job to pay said mortgage.

Hoping all these plans will take up my time and thoughts, rather than dwell on him..

Do you still see/talk to him at all pirategirl? I was still in contact with my ex for a few years after we broke up, and felt much the same as you did. We only stopped being in regular contact when he met the woman who is now his wife. Took more than 3 years for me (which is longer than we were together for!), but I'm ok (and married to someone else) now . Would still love to know how he's doing, and meet up just for a natter, but don't think that's going to happen!

It does get better and the feelings do fade, it might take a few years but in the end you will look at your ex and think what the heck did you ever see in them, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

i dont want it to take a few years!!
Thats a looooooooooong time

these feelings really go away.
it is normal to feel like that for some time.
it depends on the person how long it takes but it goes away, then you will feel lots different about him, actually you wont feel anything about him

but if you have to see your ex every weekend, because of the dcs, then how do you move on?
it is so easy if you dont have children and visits all the time..

I can really relate to to this. Me and ex used to have a crap relationship most of the time but then there were good times and I got sucked back into thinking it wasn't so bad.

When we split up we carried on talking as friends but yesterday he came round to fix something in the house and went off on one called me an idiot and said the house was a state and as he was paying the mortgage I should at least try and make an effort (!

I find myself swaying between knowing he is a sh*t and then missing him and worrying he will meet someone else. A good book I could reccomend is Leaving him behind by Sandra S. Kahn which explains how to extricate yourself from the relationship and keep to a moer business like relationship with your ex for your own wellbeing.

3 years is a long time, but it sometimes feels like yesterdaythathe left. I havemoved onin many ways,but I do have to see him regularly.

I think it was the pure shock, the circumstances in which he left, really giving no warning. He told me he didn't love me anymore one evening, the following evening it was valentines day and he gave me some chocs, and hugged me, and the next day he left.

He began a single life imediately, even ringing me up one evening, and altho this is daft, telling me he now knew how to cook rice properly, and that my method was wrong (for 7 yrs). This i will always remember, cos at the time I was in a pit of despair, and pain, so bad that I didn't know how to get thru each day. I just thought, is that really al you have to say after al we have been thru.

Overnight he was single, wheras I was feeling like he had died. Then came the othe woman, and since then, he has danced to her tune, and been a bastard. he has said some pretty bad things, even, 'how cani respect you if i dont love yo anymore'.

plus he claims to be a buddhist.

I don't think the raw pain will ever truly go. We loved each other very much, were great freinds. Even now, we don't look each other inthe eye, as its very easy to get into a convo, and laugh etc.. My guess is he doesn't wan to as this would give me hope, or something.

I beleive he feld, panicked, when he left, and was v depressed,but someone else barged in and took him away forever. Of course, it ws his choice, but it happened, and sometimes I wonder what might have been had he been on his own longer.

The week after he left me he told me he did love, me and that he was a mess. Yet someone else came along, and stood in my place.

I think if i had had even a shread of decency it would be easier to move along, i am always thinking he must really hate me. I feel he takes everything out on me, not her.

Peopl always say, how come you're not jealsou, or got realy angry about the ow? I don't know why, I think i just 'know' what we had, hw special we were, and the ow can't take those times and memories away.

I KNOW he acted weird and out of character. The person isee nnw, is weird, even towards his dd.

I miss him tho. I know a ladt who was with her dh for 30 yrs, and he left. She has been spilt for many yrs, but she says it still hurts.

I sometimes think of it like, form that film, 'he was my noths, ny south my east my west'

thats what we were about.

its a crazy world.

my north . i meant

pirategirl i know exactly what you mean..i also think if dh had been on his own longer rather than jumping into another relationship straight away..he may have come back. But he says not.

i know that feeling.

I just don't think i'll meet soemone as great/cool/funny as him again. I am scared that i won't be loved again, or love someone. Althoug i have a big part of me that says 'NO' to ever going there again.

its complicated.

Pirategirl-I think you're being so hard on yourself. There is even now, a connection between you and your ex. And he has never really explained why he left.
You split up in the worst possible situation-it was a shock and with no explanation.
Plus every day you have a reminder with your child of what life could have been. If you didnt have kids it makes it easier to move on.

Im in a similar situation with my ex-two years on he says he still has feelings for me. But doesnt have the time for a relationship WTF!! really i think he ws scared of commitment, and he is definitiely depressed now.

As our endings havent been straightforward-it makes it harder to move on

Same here still have very strong feelings for my H despite evrything so you are not alone at alll.... I think a past and children tie you together and men find it easier to move on.....I am happier alone though I do miss him and some days I think about taking him back.......

I am feeling assured, knowing that its not justme. The fact we share the children, and that we had these blokes' babies.

My dd has become so clingy. She sleeps in with me, has dome for months, and i cant seem to get her out of my bed, for weeks, and if she manages one or two nights, she's back in wihtout me realising til next morning.

She is 5 1/2, does any noe else have little ones this age, who have got very clingy, and the very slightest thing sets her off crying, bless her.