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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

why are you a lone parent?

63 replies

nightowl · 10/11/2007 18:19

sore subject with many i know.

i am because my ex was a mentally abusive idiot and i eventually ended our relationship mostly because i didnt want my ds to grow up in that environment.

anyone else?

OP posts:

Debra1981 · 12/11/2007 00:23

Single mum because of needing to give the best life i can to dd. her dad is drunk most of the time, otherwise tripping on various obscure pills claiming he needs it for pain relief for toothache or similar. he was verbally abusive on a daily basis and pushed me around physically. he spent all available funds and more on anything that stopped him being conscious of reality. he has no sense of social responsibility and refuses to work for the sole reason that he doesnt want to pay maintenance for any of his absent children. he controlled my every move. i was too scared to get birth control from the doctor in case he found out and punished me like he did for other normal activities that were twisted in his mind into horrific sins.
Single mum because i love my dd and could not let her live that life of fear and squalor.

LuckyUnderpants · 12/11/2007 00:36

Been a lone parent for 14 years with ds1 who is now 18, ds2 (15mths old), his daddy and i split before he was born, decided he couldnt handle the commitment

so here i am starting all over again only this time round i have a good job, house and a pretty good income, after years of stuggling, funding myself through uni and scrimping by to give ds1 everything he deserved, ds2 is lucky i dont have to scrimp anymore and im enjoying being a lone parent much more this time round

mamazon · 12/11/2007 00:42

cos we all want a nice free house and lots of time to drink in starbucks

LuckyUnderpants · 12/11/2007 00:48

mamazon eh? let me guess? the so called other thread?

Forgot to mention my first xp (ds1's dad)was a violent, abusive, bully but i hate admitting to that because im a differnt person now and would never let anyone control me like that again, also,it feels like a life time ago.

Desiderata · 12/11/2007 01:05

It would be interesting, to say the least, to find out how many of us have been hit by our partners.

Unless you've been through it, it's impossible to understand.

No woman wants their kids growing up in an environment like that. And I'll tell you something .... that's why shit loads of women are bringing up their kids on their own.

Whether you're on a council estate, or in West Kensington, this goes on all the time.

wrinklytum · 12/11/2007 01:08

Bugger.What happens if you feel like you are ready to be a lone parent,but circumstances dictate you would look like the worlds biggest cow if you went for it?If you did not know the true story?

Desiderata · 12/11/2007 01:14

That's a little cryptic, wrinkly.

Let me help you out.

I have a dh who everyone thinks is gorgeous. Laid back, his own man, cool, easy-going ..

And yes, for the most part he's all of those things. But his shit stinks. He has a low threshold of stress ... and when he's stressed

He's almost double my weight. I don't really want to say any more.

But if I left him, absolutely everybody would be baffled.

wrinklytum · 12/11/2007 01:22

Desi,my dp comes across as charming,and at the mo is in hospital,having been very ill,which is awful.but he is in essence,childlike, can be very verbally abusive,in private.It sounds awful but since he has been ill I have felt much more strong and positive.In the past it is I who has paid for the deposit on house,major renovations,9prior to dcs.He has never grown up.Now dd has been dx with global delay and I feel I cannot keep all the balls in the air coping with him and hs moods and his tenuous grasp on reality .Everything is left to me.He has left usin a pickle and I can only see it getting worse when he comes home.He can be very controlling.

wrinklytum · 12/11/2007 01:36

Bugger,that sounds so crap.He was drinking far too much,too.Never has been awful to dcs but obviously has not in hospital.Maybe he willbe a changed person.I had considered leaving before but it wouldso traumatise ds.

wrinklytum · 12/11/2007 01:37

Going to bed.Night.Will regret this in morning

Boysandbeaches · 12/11/2007 08:42

I hope you don't Wrinkly - regret it, that is. For me, it helps to put things down in black and white.

I know some people, really, do believe my ex, when he tells them he doesn't know what happened. I must look like a cow to them. It does hurt - particularly, when some of them ought to know me better. Yes, my life has its very tough moments, but I'm happier than I used to be and providing my DC with a better role model than before. That was something that really worried me - that they would think what was going on between us was normal and an acceptable way to behave.

lou33 · 12/11/2007 08:53

same as nightowl, tho mine was a drunk too

nametaken · 12/11/2007 09:24

skeletanbones your thread really touched me and it's so true about strangers saying horrible things with the security of anonimity behind them.

Sticks and stones, ignore it.

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