why are you a lone parent?

[nightowl]

sore subject with many i know.

i am because my ex was a mentally abusive idiot and i eventually ended our relationship mostly because i didnt want my ds to grow up in that environment.

anyone else?

Oh well my H had an affair took him back, lied and cheated for a further 6 months completely destroying any trust or respect I had left (bizarrely I still love him)....he managed to get us both pregnant within a few months of each other....he has always been incredibly self centred and immature....can be quite aggressive though never hit me...we both did lots of screaming shouting throwing and some pushing/grabbing in midst of break up (not proud but luckily never escalated)....I am now a single mother working hard to provide everything I can for my 2 DD (one due xmas)....as am so desperately upset that they now come from a "broken home" as I did and so wanted to avoid for them....
As for other thread, I really don't get why these things have to escalate and be taken so very personally...what starts as healthy debate seems to be taken very personally by some who may have quite big chips on their shoulders...IMO there were no personal judgments made on that thread though some seem determined to take personal offense at every comment which differed from their own opinion...so gave up and stayed away...I never intended personal offense as I know how easily the life you think you have can disappear in a moment and turn into an episode of Jeremy Kyle

I'm a single mother for an extremely bizarre reason... by choice. Fertility treatment didn't work and XP wouldn't even consider adoption, choice - children or partner... hmmm... I adopted alone. Don't regret it for a nanosecond.

Being a single parent is hard whatever the reason. I'm very lucky that I don't have to feel resentful of an XP but on the other hand it would be nice for DS to have a father figure, but then again many DC's have absent fathers anyway which I guess is no easier to deal with.

MacDoodle - I loved my XP but by the end didn;t really like him - it's a strange feeling isn;t it. If its any consolation now, I look at DS and think "I'm so glad I don;t have to put up with that arsehole and we can just be straightforwardly happy ratehr than conditionally happy depending on XP"

Could be my thoughts exactly...its almost like I love him like I would a child unconditionally...but yup don't really like or respect him anymore and certainly don't want him to live with us and strangely enough I do want him to be happy .....

It was this post nightowl:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2724/420856?pg=15

The one right at the top of the page.

Have to say..I don't feel resentful at all of XP. Simply because I am so much happier on my own. Sure it's a lot harder..and I don't have so much money but I have my own place. Ok it's a council flat but it's cosy and warm..and it's better than being homeless, which I was for 6 months.

it does wear off Macdoodle, it took a while for me but ultimately it isn't unconditional love like you feel for your children, whilst it's similar eventually the lack of respect/liking does tell.

Ironically the realisation that although I loved him I didn't like him and ultimately I didn't like my life with him in it gave me the strength to walk away (again!) and this time not look back.

I am a single mother again through domest 4v violence. For the record I am a qualified accountant and I got 4 a's at A Level so domestic violence is not a question of being out of there 'Like a shot'. I applaud every single woman on here who made the choice to get out of an appalling situation and put her children first every day.

Cause I want to be on benefits!

Back to reality, thankfully no abuse. I can imagine how hard that must be I had a relationship with an abusive boyfriend when I was young. No kids, no house no joint finances but I still couldn't get away all that easily.

I am a single parent because exH went off with a girl 10 years younger than me (funny that) and decided he didn't love me any more. OK we had grown apart, but I felt it was time that the kids were older to do something about that and find the spark. exH found his spark elsewhere. Head is now held high and I am positive about my future.

Yes I claim benefits because I only work part-time. I still want to bring my kids up and no childminder could do the amount of running about I do for activities and all that. Studying hard and progressing at work so not stagnating.

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LOL .

DH takes us half way round the world only for me to find out his having an affair, he lied about trying again and left as he wanted to work out what he wanted. He's now on another love of his life and the boys come a decided second. So now I'm starting a new life in a new country. Everything's different. I'm hoping that one day I'll find another man who'll be a more suitable role model for my two beautiful boys.

Like Ali, moved to a new country, only to have my then DH leave when DS was 3 months old.

I was fed up of waking up and dreading what mood xp was going to be in. He wasn't violent, just god damn miserable 24/7.

The thing that eventually prompted me to kick him out was when he got him self signed off sick from work and had no intention of ever going back. He did this once before and we lost our home then and I swore then that if he ever risked the roof over our heads again he'd be out.

I somtimes think that the reasons weren't enough, but then he comes to see the kids and it takes me about 2 seconds to remember why I wasn't happy with him.

"Who wouldn't want to go from living in a nice house, in a nice area to living on a grotty estate with no money. I totally recommend it to everyone."

Spot on harman! I'm just off to polish all those solid gold nuggets I have lying round and wipe my arse on the ten pound notes I use as toilet paper in my luxurious council flat

He was verbally abusive (still is) and it was like walking on eggshells living with him. There was violence in the relationship aswell.
I felt I was setting the kids a bad example by staying in the relationship and didn't want them growing up thinking it was normal.

dd1 dad left me when she was one he moved in with someone else. - they have split up now... dd1 doesnt see him - we were together 8 years

dd2 dad left me for someone else - he wasnt willing to put any effort into ssaving our relationship... we were together 4 years...

blimey that si not a good cv for new relationship,

been single for 2 years..... and

And no one has mentioned all the free babysitting and lots and lots of christmas money yet? I am surprised
and obviously the near hero worship and respect that we get daily from the general public for doing two parents job on our own, espeically the Daily Mail

When I read all the charming comments on the other thread last night 'gormless with usless kids' was me favorite I thought well, strangers typing out their own ignorant predjudices on the internet is nowt compared to being called 'a fucking stupid bitch' 'ugly slag' 'fucking stupid cow' daily in front of my kids which was my life in my lovely respectable two parent family!

I am not a single parent (although it feels like it at times because DH works away alot). However, I do say hats off to you all because when DH is away it's a struggle.
I am fortunate enough to have two incomes coming in. If I was alone my £1000 a month would not even begin to cover the costs of housing, council tax etc - so to those of you who have to do this I have admiration because I just don't know how I'd manage it.

I am disguisted by some of the comments on the other thread. Clearly some people have NO idea - but hey - single parents (especially single mothers) are a good soft target which distracts from the real issues that people should be up in arms about.

There is already a unpleasant thread (on BOTH sides) running elswehere.....could we please leave it there...and leave this one as intended as support for single parents whatever their situation...much appreciated guys else will have to sign off for today and go mad with no adults to talk to

I'm a single parent because I didn't want to act as 'mummy' for a grown man when I had a baby to look after.

He was also abusive, mentally and physically towards the end, he was a stoner, and was secretly a weed dealer to fund his £200 a week ganja habit. I realised he was not someone I wanted DS growing up around, I didn't love him, and when DS started clinging to me whenever he was home I decided enough was enough and left.

He was a very clever man, and very charming, knew how to behave to get exactly what he wanted out of anyone by turing on the charm, it took a while for me so see this but it me, he was very clever and lied to everyone he came in contact with. Probably still does...

im single parent because i started seeing someone a bit older than me when i was 19 (he was 31) then realised it wasnt going anywhere so we finished, then realised about four months later i was pregnant and he didnt want to know. so basically cos i was young and silly and didnt use contraception. wouldnt change a thing tho!!!! although i REALLY cant stand him, without him i wouldnt have my beautiful daughter

I'm a single parent because my ex husband was verbally and physically abusive towards me. When I got pg the abuse got worse. I had to have an emergency scan at 3 months because my bp was so high and I knew then I had to leave. I moved back to my home town and left everything behind which my ex later destroyed so I literally have no possessions but I do have my LO and that's all that matters to me now. My ex is no longer allowed near us and I just hope that he leaves us alone now so we can get on with our lives.

I was with my xh for 18 years in total, married for 11.. We were very different people but before the dcs came along it wasn't so obvious.

He became very successful in his career, travelled abroad 50% of the time.. over the years, he was unfaithful and gave me an STI, stopped having sex with me, became more and more grumpy and tired when at home (probably jetlag apart from anything else) - took little interest in the kids and none in me.

It wasn't one big thing (despite the infidelity - we got through that!!), but lots of little ones, like not being able to share interests cos all he would talk about was sport and business. I was just his housekeeper, and a single mum half the time anyway. I felt that I was selling myself, cos we were well-off but I was more and more unhappy.

I just felt totally lonely, and knew if I stayed with him I would become more and more bitter. We split when I was 39 and although it's been a bit of a roller-coaster I am so much happier today.

He has turned out to be a much better xdh than dh; he sees the kids regularly and supports us and now I'm not tied to him I can respect him for what he does do instead of hating him for what he doesn't.

I still don't know why he never wanted to have sex with me though..

Because he went for DS2, took both DC off in a fury and then, wouldn't go get any help. It was only at that point I looked at our life and realised it wasn't what I wanted, it wasn't what he had promised and never would be. Oddly enough, I am the villain - it is all my fault.

Yet, I am slowly doing all the things we had planned together - the just being, the going places without spending huge amounts of money and having a good time, the fun with the DCs and I can feel sorry for him and good about myself.

I am a single Mum because I have no choice because I want the best for my DCs and that means doing it on my own - for now. Harman, I still have hope that there is someone special out there and if I don't fancy him, shall I send him your way? .