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Original poster

Ex won't allow DC telephone calls to me

39 replies

Smokeandashes · 25/03/2021 10:57

Narc ex sees DC eow and has them overnight 1 day per week. Court order specifically states that phone contact should be allowed to the other parent. But DD1 is saying that ex won't let her call me when she asks. Ex has given various reasons e.g. "it's too late", "you will miss your mum even more if you call her". DD gets upset telling me how she isn't allowed to phone me. She has even tried to call me herself but didn't know how. Easter holidays are coming up and we have to share the time equally out of term time so DCs will be away from me for a long period of time. What can I do? It breaks my heart to think of DD being homesick like this. She doesn't want to go to her dad's but I have to make her because of the court order. DD is 6 and a half and we have a younger one too who doesn't really understand phones yet. (I would allow DD to call my ex but she has never asked.) Ex is really horrible and emotionally abusive individual, very controlling etc.

OP posts:
COS2102 · 25/03/2021 19:27

We have the same thing here. Never allowed to ring when at the other house but never wants to ring the other house when here....its like a jealousy thing, I think. I wish I could advise you but it is something we are still dealing with too. We don't have a court order and time is split evenly always for us.....however the other house can be very difficult and wouldn't want to address the issue over there...we just remind them at pick up/drop off 'remember call me if you want. No matter what time of day' and sometimes we get a call....most of the time we don't. One time he realised he could ask Google to ring so rang upset one night.....Google has now been turned off on the ability to ring through voice command...

partyatthepalace · 25/03/2021 19:41

Can you get a cheap pay as you go mobile with a preset number to dial?

JanFebAnyMonth · 25/03/2021 19:46

Could you get a solicitor to write a letter setting him straight and pointing out you could go back to court about this?

Or teach her how to use the phone?

BingPot99 · 25/03/2021 19:47

Can you call ex at a time you know DC is unlikely to be 'busy' and ask to speak to them? You could plan in advance if you think DC won't speak freely in front of their dad - Ask an innocuous question for which answer A means everything is OK, answer B means 'I'm unhappy'

BingPot99 · 25/03/2021 19:48

Whilst planning to go back to court ASAP to get him to stick to the court order

Viviennemary · 25/03/2021 19:49

I think one day a week contact isn't much. Why does your DC have to ring you on the one day a week they are with the other parent. Fair enough if it's a longer time than a day.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 25/03/2021 19:49

Cheap payg phone that she can call you on.

Solicitors reminder letter is a good idea.

Keep a record of every time dd says she's asked and been refused to take back to court should you need it.

starbrightstarlight8888 · 25/03/2021 19:51

Does she need to call on the 1 night he gets with her? He has very limited time with her and you're asking to eat into that time by her calling you.

HeddaGarbled · 25/03/2021 20:01

I think you should keep a diary. Record every time he doesn’t allow phone contact. Also record times when she is distressed about going and any incidents of when he is abusive or unkind when she is with him.

At the same time, try and be supportive of his contact time and support her to enjoy it more.

If, after 6 months, things aren’t improving, take your diary to a solicitor to see if the contact arrangements can be reviewed.

JanFebAnyMonth · 25/03/2021 20:23

If the phone calls are court ordered then there must be a good reason for them.

Happycat1212 · 25/03/2021 22:26

I also don’t think you need to call on the one night she is away, seems a bit ott tbh, it’s one night. I can see why he doesn’t want to.

ineedaholidaynow · 25/03/2021 22:31

Have people read that the DD doesn't want to stay at her dad's, maybe that is why she wants to talk to her mum

Happycat1212 · 25/03/2021 22:39

Well kids don’t want to do anything, my kid doesn’t want to go school but he still have to go, probably she is picking up on the mums anxiety...

SandyY2K · 25/03/2021 23:02

On the one day a week, your DD should be fine without speaking to you.

During the Easter holidays, perhaps he'll be more amenable. Maybe about 3 days into her stay with him, text around midday and say you'd like to speak to DD today and ask what time you can call.

JanFebAnyMonth · 25/03/2021 23:10

Ds doesn't want to go, ex is abusive. Good enough reason for a phone call.

JanFebAnyMonth · 25/03/2021 23:10
  • DD
MzHz · 25/03/2021 23:21

Oh dd used to get calls from her dm every time she stayed with her dad, always v early in the morning

The ‘d’m used to deliberately wind her up, sow seeds of utter crap specially designed to upset her dd so she’d be utterly vile when the rest of the house had woken up.

The phone was taken off her overnight and only returned back when we got up.

On holiday The Wi-Fi would break.

Some parents are so bitter they hurt their own kids to get at the ex.

@Smokeandashes
I’d suggest you leave this for now, it’s one night, you know she’s safe

You trying to call and what not is feeding your exes need for power. He’s getting off on it. Be boring, remove the drama and he’ll get bored son enough

Notashandyta · 26/03/2021 00:24

A 6 year old not allowed to call their mum when missing her overnight.

What a bloody cruel world we live in.

MzHz · 26/03/2021 08:25

As you can’t do anything about the legal situation or the contact @Smokeandashes, the only thing you CAN do is give your dc the tools to learn to be strong and come through this.

Could you get her a new teddy to come with her to I her dads, one that she can associate with you and know that you’re with her?

It’s not always going to be like this love.

BluntlySpoken · 26/03/2021 18:05

Dh took his ex to court. They said a call only needs to be made in the event of a stay over 10 nights. Unless dc wishes to call other parent
We have opposite. When dsc with us. Never wants to call dm.
But says when with dm isn't allowed to call daddy.
Thankfully dsc is nearly 9 so sees all this now and realises. Mummy does wrong things

Bloodybloods · 26/03/2021 18:15

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Original poster
Smokeandashes · 26/03/2021 22:35

Thank you for the responses. I think the PP who said that it is a cruel world is right... It isn't about me, or my ex - it is about my 6yr old who is upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smokeandashes · 26/03/2021 22:36

@Bloodybloods

I had this. DC would ask to ring me but ex would dial the number and say I wasn't answering. I don't call when DC are with him but then he tells them I don't care about them because I don't phone.
What a bastard! Wtf is wrong with some people. Really sorry you're going through this Flowers they will get the measure of him eventually, I'm sure. Xx
OP posts:
Original poster
Smokeandashes · 26/03/2021 22:38

@BluntlySpoken

Dh took his ex to court. They said a call only needs to be made in the event of a stay over 10 nights. Unless dc wishes to call other parent We have opposite. When dsc with us. Never wants to call dm. But says when with dm isn't allowed to call daddy. Thankfully dsc is nearly 9 so sees all this now and realises. Mummy does wrong things
That's the problem though, the child does wish to call the other parent. Her dad won't allow her to though. Is the 10 days thing at a pre-arranged time? Is it to avoid a situation like the one I've written about?
OP posts:
Original poster
Smokeandashes · 26/03/2021 22:41

@Happycat1212

I also don’t think you need to call on the one night she is away, seems a bit ott tbh, it’s one night. I can see why he doesn’t want to.
I'm not calling! DD wants to call, but is being prevented from doing so.
OP posts: