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Is there love out there for us single mum's??

66 replies

Phoebe25 · 27/10/2004 17:53

Just wondered if anyone had any inspiring stories of finding love regardless of being a mother?
I'm so sick of hearing single mothers described as having 'baggage'. Im a single mum to be (10 days & counting) with own home & good career etc. I do worry though that im resigned to the proverbial shelf for life!!!

Thoughts please....

OP posts:
KateandtheGirls · 27/10/2004 17:59

I have been a single mother for over 3 years, and not a hint of romance. On the other hand I've not been looking for it, and can't imagine having a relationship right now or even in the future.

Sorry - not much help!

anorak · 27/10/2004 18:05

I was a single mum of two for five years. Now I am a mum of three, married to a wonderful man who is loving, devoted, a great husband and father. I just adore him. I was 36 when I met him. We've been married 5 years and have had our fair share of problems, but nothing has put a dent in our relationship.

moomina · 27/10/2004 18:49

Not a hint of romance for me either - and frankly I'm more than happy that way! Can't be doing with all that at the moment...

I think everyone over the age of 25 has baggage one way or another - if you don't you haven't lived One day some great guy will come along who won't care if you have three heads (well, YKWIM!) let alone children. But until then, don't fret about it.

tammybear · 27/10/2004 18:52

I broke up with dd's father back in the middle of last year. Have been with dp just over a year now, and we are looking to live together next year.

DillyDally · 27/10/2004 19:22

Completely single and v little chance of finding someone as I don't really go out (except to work) can be quite hard. It would be interesting to see where the single mums meet their new men to give the rest of us ideas / hope

tammybear · 27/10/2004 21:11

I met my dp on the internet in a chat room. We met when we were 14/15 and it just started off as being friends

Joanna3 · 27/10/2004 21:29

I've been single for two years and no sign of any romance, yet alone anyone asking me out on a date. I have just signed up with an internet dating agency but v. disappointed to have received only two responses - both unsuitable. Ideally I would like to go out with someone who already has kids. However they appear to be in short supply and the ones without are not that interested in single mums. At least I have my lovely children to cuddle me in the mornings - that make up for the the lack of action in the other department!!

Sheila · 28/10/2004 12:25

Hi Phoebe25 - I've been on my own for 2 years and have had nothing in the way of romance. Like DillyDally I put this down to the fact that I hardly ever go out so I never meet anyone. Have been thinking about internet dating as that's how some single (childless) friends have met their partners.

To be honest the only thing I miss about having a partner is SEX, so I'm not looking for anything deep and meaningful- you woudln't think that woudl be difficult, would you?!

Tinker · 28/10/2004 12:48

Was a single mother for 5 years before met partner - have been with him for over 2 years, all fine and dandy. But, apart from dalliances, I wasn't ready to meet a partner for a long time. Met him when I was ready to meet someone. Knew him through work but met at a do (he'd left our place)

listmaker · 28/10/2004 12:49

I've been on my own for 4.5 years. I've dipped my toe in the water a few times and it didn't go well. I decided men without children and about my age (40) are np good. Went on a blind date with one. He was OK and said he'd like to meet again. The next day he sent me a text saying he wasn't 'ready to take on the responsibility of my children'. Who said I was asking him to??!!! It was only a date fgs! Anyway I was well and truly put off the whole thing and as others have said really thought I didn't have the energy for it and wanted to give all my time to my 2 dds.

Anyway I hadn't bothered for two years and a few weeks ago someone nagged me to go onto friends reunited's dating site. So I did although I felt very ambiguous about it all. One nice chap popped up in my initial search (there are LOADS of men on there!!) and I actually contacted him. We've met a few times and he's LOVELY!!! He's a real fine - not the sort that come back on the market that often! His wife of 22 years left him and he's just really, really nice and he seems to like me too! So I'm having a lovely time now and so unexpected too.

So don't give up! But I'd still always say I'd rather be on my own that settle for anything less than really good now. There's a lot to be said for being on your own and it's such early days for us that I could be single again any time!

Give frd a try but beware for wierdos because there are a few on there too!

Tinker · 28/10/2004 12:50

Daughter just read my message and said indignantly, "What are you worrying about, you've got your child"

fairyfly · 28/10/2004 12:53

I think there is yes loads of hope, and the bonus is you know what you want now. I have been asked out quite a few times, fancied a couple of men which is nice just for that. There was a time when i thought i would only ever fancy my x, which i still do but he makles it easier by dressing like a twat. The thing is i am in no rush as i realise it is me time now. To find out what i want from life and who i am.
I think there are lots of men though who don't look at you as if you have baggage. If they do it is a good way of not getting in a relationship with a shallow man.
I was actually proposed to a bloke is waiting for me as we speak, i just don't think he is right for me. I can forsee arguments already. Thats the difference when you have kids i think, you become more sensible instead of following your heart with total abandonment of your needs.
I would rather be single than just with anyone.
Hope some of that makes sense, rambling slightly i know.

essbee · 28/10/2004 13:19

Message withdrawn

beansmum · 28/10/2004 13:24

i'm still loving being single after nearly 13 months but would like to think there is a chance or romance sometime in the future. I know loads of people who were single mums/dads and are now in a relationship so it cant be impossible to find someone. thats what i keep telling myself anyway

smellymelly · 28/10/2004 13:55

I was a single Mum for 3 years, got pregnant with ds then split up with ex-p when I was 9 weeks, then got back together when ds was 2, conceived dd then split up again when I was 5 weeks pregnant. (reads like a trashy magazine article!)

I never went out really, and certainly didn't look for love anywhere, I just wasn't interested. But fate had it's hand, when he moved in next door to me!

We got married in July of this year, and are now expecting twins in 6 weeks!!! It is not always easy, but he never saw my kids as 'baggage' just a new family!

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I never looked for someone though, I was happy being a single Mum, didn't know any different really. But now I'm as happy as can be

bonym · 28/10/2004 14:09

Hi Phoebe - I split from my husband when dd was 18mths and was quite happy on my own with her for a couple of years. In fac, very happy - it is much better to be a single mum than to be with the wrong partner. I eventually joined an internet dating agency as I didn't want to do teh pub/club thing and didn't have any single friends. After having brief relationships with a couple of men I met through the agency (both of whom, incidentally had MUCH more baggage than I did, despite not having any children of their own!) I finally received an email from the man who is now my dh. I can honestly say that he is the BEST person I have ever met - he and dd adore each other (he has no children but it was never an issue for him that I did). We are now expecting a baby together and I can honestly say that I (and he) have never been happier - he always says his life is much fuller since he met "us girls". I would say enjoy your time on your own with your child and because, in some ways single life can be easier than married! Don't worry about meeting someone because inevitably you will. Good luck

winnie1 · 28/10/2004 14:21

Phoebe, I was a single Mum for 7 years. Had a year long on/off relationship in the middle of that time (never serious enough to be introduced to dd) and then as I hit thirty I went through a crisis Completely out of character I went out with lots of people I met through an internet dating site, had fun, one or two disasters, and amazingly and quite unexpectedly met my soul mate & love of my life. We have had a child together & got married. Dd loves dh to bits (and vice versa) and ds was simply the icing on the cake. It is our wedding anniversary soon and I just feel so lucky.

have to say however that I do agree with bonym, enjoy being on your own with your child because once you do meet him you will never get that back in quite the same way again.


MissusWoman · 28/10/2004 14:30

Of course there is!

My marriage ended nearly 6 years ago and in that time I've had several relationships. I've never found the fact I have two kids to be any sort of barrier. Wouldn't bother with any bloke who found the thought of me having kids offputting anyway.

Had a few duds but I'm now with someone wonderful.

fairyfly · 28/10/2004 14:33

Good for you MissusWomen

DelGirl · 28/10/2004 14:34
lou33 · 28/10/2004 14:40

me and mw met up with another friend of mine on tuesday night, who knows mw's dp but has never met mw. When mw went to the loo my friend called him and told him to make sure he knew how lucky he was to have met mw, so yes i would say there is love for single mums out there

childmindersam · 28/10/2004 14:41

I was made a single mum in Oct 2000 when my son was only 10 weeks old (my exp chucked us out). I was so scared of being alone especially with a 10 wk old boy to care for! I lived in a B&B then got a rented flat and eventually got a council house. I went back to college and got a social life. I had boyf but nothing serious due to my ds. It was when i was at college studying to be a social worker and really happy with my life that i joined an internet dating agency. I wasnt really looking for love BUT thats what i found! I started talking to a man in Liecester (i lived in devon!) We spoke loads on the net and i told him all about my ds and my life and vice versa. After 8 weeks of talking we met (he came to me!) It was love at first sight! 3 months later my ds and i moved to leicester and in oct 2003 we got married and are very happy. So hang in there and explore all options to find your man! Just be safe and porotect yourself and the children. Have hope!

nikkim · 28/10/2004 16:37

Gosh cms talk about a whirlwind romance, I also have a fantastic partner of just over a year, e have just bought our first house togther, I was single for two years and to be honest although I liked dating I wasn't really interested in a realtionship but it just crept up on me.

There was a feature on kilroy last year about dating agencies and single parents and there was a women from an agency called kids no object which caters for single parents to meet each other. I am sure they had a website and although it wasn't fully national it may be worth a look particularly if you live int he South or Home Counties. I can fully understand why people use dating agencies as we are such a busy society in general and this must be even more so for single parents.

Phoebe25 · 28/10/2004 17:03

Wow, what interesting lives you all lead!
Thanx for the reply's,there is hope after all!

I suppose i feel a bit cheated as i wasn't even in a relationship when i conceived....drunken works do...nuff said!
Previous to all this, around new year time i decided to join an internet dating site purely to meet like minded people who you wouldn't come across in day to day life.
As a nurse working crazy shifts, people expect you to meet loads of hunky doctors etc. This just doesn't happen. George clooney types are not employed by my NHS trust!!

After signing up to this dating site, i got literally tons of responses & had great fun going out on lots of dates etc. Then i fell pregnant & decided to knock it on the head as it certainly didnt feel appropriate to date whilst pregnant!
However, 1 bloke remained in touch regardless & is really keen for us to have a relationship. I can't help feeling slightly dubious about the reasons behind a single man wanting to take on a pregnant woman?? Maybe it's me with the problem?
Anyway, you're responses have filled me with some hope & reassurance. When i feel ready to date again & my child is much older, i have a few avenues to try.
Plus, hopefully it means i won't have to have so much to do with the father! Grrr

OP posts:
Cam · 28/10/2004 17:26

When I got divorced and I was on my own with dd1 I tended to always have a boyfriend (or two) hanging around but I didn't want them to be a surrogate father for dd1. When she was practically off my hands I was still in my mid thirties and that's when I met my second dh - I think it happens when you're open to it - we were both looking for love but old enough and experienced enough to be fussy (he'd been married before too but no kids). We just saw each other one day, more or less in the street, started talking and now we're married with a 7 year old dd
It was love at first sight and every sight since.

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