Is two children doable as a single parent

[Scott50]

Hi I am a single parent with a child aged 4 fro. Previous relationship and age has no father contact. I want her to have a sibling and have found a donor. So I just want to put it out there more to do with how other single mums have found having a baby when already a single parent to a child. I am thinking I will get to rest when my older child is at school and as she be almost 5 she will be able understand a bit and help out just a little x. I have a couple of friends saying it’s really not that bad and it be fine and others saying they wouldn’t do it lol. My daughter has no cousins etc and we don’t have much family and I don’t want her one day alone with no family in the world I would feel better knowing they have each other once I’m no longer here.

I can fully understand your thinking and would feel the same myself. A sibling is important in so many ways. Not least when your parents die and you have a sibling to help share the grief and arrangements. It's also hopefully a friend for life.

You wouldn't be the first I wouldn't have thought. Is the donor going to have any input?
Many people before you have brought two young DC's single handedly. It's probably won't be easy but it's definitely do-able and been done many times before.
Good luck. 💐

Hi there, @Scott50 we're just bobbing on here to say that we've now moved your thread to the Lone Parents topic - we hope that helps.

The thing is having a second is a big factor in women giving up work. While it can be manageable yo get one kid and yourself up and out of the house, it is very hard to get two out and also pay for childcare. You also will have minimal time to pursue anything of your own for the first few years.
If money is not a factor, then you have to be prepared for a possibly difficult baby, trying to manage both needs, and absolutely do not rely on the older one for help - that really is not their role. Sure they can do some stuff but not sure what help you expect- they can tidy up their toys but they can't cook dinner or mind the baby! Also there is no guarantee the kids will get along.
There is also the emotional factor, which is true with one child too. Not having a partner who also has your children as their priority means it all comes down to you - if they have trouble at school, get involved in drugs, struggle with friendships, have additional needs, all the stuff kids go through. Children need so much more than physical care.
But of course I did it (I was widowed when my children were very young) and so do thousands of other women and men.
If you feel you can handle the financial side, are strong and good at dealing with issues when you are at your wits end, do not mind the sheer drudgery of being a parent, then great.

I am a single child. I do not see any of my cousins. But I am married and have my own children. One of my children hates the other.
Don’t have a child for the other one, have one because you want it. Make sure you can manage physically and financially.
Remember, the more children you have the less they inherit from you.

'One of my children hates the other.
Don’t have a child for the other one, have one because you want it.'

Very true... it's scary how many people I've met that are estranged or don't speak to their sibling/s and the ones that do tolerate them at best. Sure some are close but it isnt a guarantee.

My mum managed with 2. My dad left when my sister was about 6 months old. However she couldn't work. By the time she paid for childcare she wouldn't have made enough money to get by so she was out of work and on benefits until my sister started nursery. If you can manage financially and you want a second child then go for it. We have DS and he is likely to be an only.

No the donor will just meet once it’s 18 and would like possibly a picture once in a while

Yes I did think of that as my current child is set to inherit rather a lot of money and should be guarantee life security if mu mum and step dad do as promised

Please don’t have a second child to give your first a sibling. There is no guarantee they will get on, especially with a 5 year age gap. I have a sister 5 years younger, we have never got on, tbh we are more like two only children except with the irritation of a sibling we have nothing in common with.

Have one if you want (and can manage) a second child.

My current child’s father pays maintenance and I would get the extra tax credit til I could get back to work. More siblings seem to get on and be there for each other though than not get on from what I read and see. Me and younger brother live far apart and don’t talk much however I know if I was ever in need he would help me at the stop of a hat. I feel she will never have that once I am gone x

Maybe I will just get her a puppy next Xmas lol

I have gone down routes in my own past sometimes before I had my daughter and feel I want her to have a sibling to discuss this with if she needs to and to also help keep each other on the right path and make sure that never happens to them. This is another reason why I feel a sibling would be good for her to have. As it’s someone else in the family who can understand her life and who she can talk about it too whilst making sure they watch out for each other x

Please don't expect your little girl to help out at the age of 5.

I'm not a lone parent, however one of my friends is a single parent to 6 children!! There are 4 dads who take their respective kids for various days of the week, but even so she always has several at home at once. No parents for support etc. She copes, but I have no idea how.

If you really want to do this, you will cope. It won't be easy, but then being a parent never is, single or otherwise.

Thanks so much Linda that makes me feel so much better. I felt disappointed when decided maybe not to do do definitely do feel I want to do this. I feel my current daughter would benefit from it in many ways x

I think people have misunderstood me there I didn’t mean I expect her help me out properly lol. I meant as in pass me a nappy kind of help lol no more than that

I’m would never expect her to help much I would never expect that of her Moonpig don’t worry 😉 she’s my little sweet heart amd the reason wanted to be sure of it cause I don’t want her affected negatively in anyway whatsoever 👍

Motnight not moon pig 😂

I've been a lone parent to two since '12. It's hard but I can't imagine dd1 being an only now. I think it's harder as a single child in a lone parent family. Sorry but I do. I was one.

I think two children is about ten times harder than one. But if you're well organised it can be managed.

Never not struggling. Hi thanks for responding. That is my trade of thought so thanks for confirming it. I feel she would really benefit from a sibling because she is on her own with me, so don’t be sorry I’m so glad you have let me know that as it’s how I felt was the case for her. Xx

Your kids will have a fair sized age gap and are unlikely to be overly close, my eldest DD says she remembers always wanting a little sister, they are 6 years apart, they aren't particularly close.

Go for it.

Well I don’t necessarily mind if not close close so long as there for each other as family when needed and have each other to talk to about problems if needed. And my daughter would feel less alone in not having a father figure present to as neither would her sibling. I will be drumming it into them to always be there for one another etc and they are family will always have each other. Family is blood friends arnt and will come and go etc. Anyway thanks guys I feel I’m going to go ahead with it and feel it is going to be right to be right for us x