Is two children doable as a single parent

[Scott50]

Hi I am a single parent with a child aged 4 fro. Previous relationship and age has no father contact. I want her to have a sibling and have found a donor. So I just want to put it out there more to do with how other single mums have found having a baby when already a single parent to a child. I am thinking I will get to rest when my older child is at school and as she be almost 5 she will be able understand a bit and help out just a little x. I have a couple of friends saying it’s really not that bad and it be fine and others saying they wouldn’t do it lol. My daughter has no cousins etc and we don’t have much family and I don’t want her one day alone with no family in the world I would feel better knowing they have each other once I’m no longer here.

Honestly my sister is more of a worry than a support. She is not independent at the age of 35, my parents still support her a lot. I worry about what will happen when they are gone. I know plenty of other people whose siblings are more of a burden than a support. I also know
several people who just aren’t in touch with their siblings - emigrated or just had nothing in common.

Again please don’t assume that your children will support each other, have a second child only if you want one not for your existing child.

Well yes if I didn’t want one I wouldn’t even be considering it

Go for it if you have the financial capability to..Am a single parent too.My son (6now) was an only before baby came along a year ago.He was so uhappy as an only despite me taking him out a lot,making time for him and arranging playdates.Since baby brother arrived he has become a happier child and now that baby is almost 1 ,they are having more ways to interact.It gives me joy watching them both play.
I know I cant tell what will happen in future if they will get along as adult or not.
But what am sure of is I gave him the chance to have another family member apart from just me and as kids they get to grow up together.Doesnt matter if they have sibling rivalry or not.Its all part of growing up and learning vital life skills.

How would you cope if your next child had autism or a disability? I think it's worth considering how you'll feel and the impact on your daughter.

The extra work going from one child to two with a supportive partner was really hard. I really wouldn't have wanted to do it alone.

I am my mum's only and was happy to be so. My DF remarried and had more DC who I love, but I also preferred being an only child at home.

Don't think your current DD would suffer terribly as an only.

2 would be easy for me as I’m a lone parent to 4 (ex absent)

My mum brought up 6 kids alone , so yes obviously it’s fine with 2

@Scott50

Never not struggling. Hi thanks for responding. That is my trade of thought so thanks for confirming it. I feel she would really benefit from a sibling because she is on her own with me, so don’t be sorry I’m so glad you have let me know that as it’s how I felt was the case for her. Xx

Didn't see this until today. My dds are very close and play together very well. They have a 3 year age gap. Having a newborn alone was hard but less hard than coping with exh during a pregnancy etc. Dd1 was over the moon I had given her a sister and still is. I didn't miss a sibling much as a child but as an adult I'm so envious of friends with close bonds with their siblings. When my mum dies I will be so alone.

Don’t worry yes I’ve considered that could happen

Bless you “never not struggling”. This is his how I feel where my daughters concerned se has no cousins she literally will have no one once I pop my glogs so be alone family wise by the time she is 50 and I am 90 so that’s provided I am lucky enough to live to 90 so say I was 85 she would be alone in the world from age 45!! This thought upsets me as no one there when she needs family! Thanks for responses x

So that’s a good 35 years alone with no other family. I’ve found a good donor now but have to wait till after lockdown as he has to travel which is a bummer. So glad I came on here. We have good church family who has said be there to help out too and my dad and auntie will help out. I’m sure it will all work out fine. The donor is healthy with no family history problems so fingers crossed all will be good. He is in early 20’s and happy to meet it once it’s 18 😁. I wil be sure to come on here ahd let you know how it all works out x

I'm confused as you say your child has no family but then mention a father, auntie, church family.... You also mention Tax Credits up the thread so assume you don't earn a high salary nor are you going down the official 'donor route' if you are having to wait until after lockdown for him to travel?... Are you just having sex with a random guy that's agreed to be a donor?...

So giving everything you have said I would say no don't have another child under these circumstances.

Hi it’s through a donor website called co parenting.com. You have to be sensible as do lots of checks first which I have done including police checks on them. Church family is not proper family is it. My dad lives 3 hours away but will come stay once every couple of months and clearly will not be around and nor will my great aunt once she has grown up will they as they will both be gone before myself.

No I am not having sex with a random stranger we are doing AI but he still needs to travel to give me the pot. I will be shown ID and recent std tests etc beforehand also. A lot of assumptions in your message there that were incorrect. As you can see I am taking all of this very seriously and have also discussed it with family so don’t appreciate the assuming message you just placed on here. I recently turned down a donor after discovering he had a partner so yes I am being very cautious. There is also a Facebook site where you can seek out donors and you have to do your checks and speak with other parents they have donor Ed to etc. It’s all about being very careful and sensible about it all! And as for work I would be able to go back once the child is 2 and am qualified as a personal trainer snd sports massage therapist which is what I did before my child. I shall now stop coming on here as there’s no longer a need I got the answers I was looking for already and wot be judged by someone who doesn’t know me personally and has worked on assumptions!

I would also like to point out in further response to Cosmicbabe that I have called and spoken to the donor clinic for advise on the matter who said I am fine this way and doing it all in the right manor as that’s how they do it all! So again please don’t make assumptions cosmicbabe that I haven’t properly thought about and looked into all this and any potential donors!

My final rant lol is to say I actually prefer this way as I get to see pictures and speak to them to see what personality is like unlike a donor clinic where you don’t see pictures just get told their colouring and given a sheet of questions they have answered to give you feel for their personality which like the clinic said they could easily have lied on anyway!! So thanks for the concern but like I say I’ve done my research on this!

@Scott50

Hi,

Not really any advice as not in the the position yet but pretty much coming into that situation now and share your concerns / questions.

I have a 2 year old and am currently pregnant with second and facing being a single mum.

I think it's brave to go into it alone but as I've read on other threads I think it can sometimes be easier and also at least you know what you're getting, anyone can be thrown a curveball at any point and be left a single mum!

It's sounds like you have really thought it through and I think you probably already know your answer.

With myself I am a bit worried financially being a single mum but that would be the case with just the one I have anyway and it will make me focus on applying myself to a new career so perhaps a good thing.

I am an only child and as much as I have a good support network of friends I do feel it would be nice to have siblings around for when my parents aren't as it's a connection you wouldn't get with friends. So this helped make my decision for having my second and also I think in some ways practically it may be easier as they have each other to entertain.

Good luck OP