Don't know what to say

[esselllx]

My boyfriend just blocked me I'm fed up of him blocking me all of the time. He doesn't care about me like I care about him. The relationship is one sided. It hurts me so much I'm so fed up.
We just had a daughter. He was supposed to come back today but didn't.
I don't know what to say to him

You were just understandably upset about your boyfriend messaging other women. That's provocation on his part not you picking a fight (even if you did, it's understandable as you've just given birth and have a baby to look after). You are so young with your whole life before you. I doubt this loser will be a long-term feature in your life. You deserve better! Your daughter will not miss out on contact with him until she is at least 18 months old so just take the Mumsnet advice and please try to keep this waster at arms length. Contact can be re-estabilished later down the line.

@katieg03 I know what advice I'd give her the same as you guys but it's just hard when your the one going through it :(
It's easy for outsiders to look in and say to do this do that
It just feels impossible sometimes. I've tried my hardest for years to leave him but just can't do it.

My dad left when I was young abs I've seen my mum have multiple boyfriends and be treat like shit by them. Which is probably why I am the way I am
When I first met him I never felt love like it before and I clinged on to it and have never been able to let go. He wasn't always like this. He used to be perfect

block him when he unblocks you - dont contact him and try tomove on with your life.

if he wants to see your child then he knows where you live

@FannytheW0nderDog I don't want her to grow up without a dad I know how much pain it causes :(

No decent man treats the mother of his child like this @esselllx.

Totally agree with the PP. he started the argument by texting other women when he had you and your lovely new DD. If he doesn't appreciate that, fuck him.

I can see that you're in turmoil over this, and that's what he wants. You're a new Mum and it sounds as if he's deliberately upsetting you.

I think you might be in an abusive relationship but if you're not sure, have a read of this.

One thing I can guarantee is that if you take him back, things will get worse and that's no life for you or your DD. You both deserve so much better.

I think you should do what's best for your daughter in the long run. You say your watched your mum's partners treat her badly and how that affected you. I totally understand having a new baby makes you feel vulnerable and like you might not have the strength to leave, but I think you should make a plan to leave him and realise it could be better for you and your daughter long term. Only you can make the decision though.

@Mamapep I've literally been trying to leave him for years and I hate myself. I hate myself for allowing him to do all the things he's done I hate myself for staying I just feel so depressed right now I hate him and I hate myself

Now we have a daughter it feels x100000 worse :(( it's so much harder now, and if I couldn't do it all them times how an earth can I now I wish I had the strength to do it I pray all the time for it. I wish I didn't have feelings I hate everything I hate my life

@Mamapep and would it be best for my daughter I'm not sure because he's really good with her and is here mostly all the time. It's just our relationship has gone to shit and he'll only be around when we're on good terms so I have to hide my feelings and hold everything in so he can be here for her

Better to grow up with no dad than a dad that will set bad examples of how men treat women.

You may have made a mistake in following in your mum’s footsteps, but you now have your wonderful DD. You would be making a big mistake if you show her that crumbs of attention are enough.

He is messaging other girls. That tells you all you need to know about him.

Find the mum apps in your local area and join them and find local mums to chat to.

You can build a new life for yourself.

It is easy to say things looking in but we've all probably been out with men who don't deserve us.

What defines your life is whether you stay and put up with the abuse and let our DD know that it's ok to be treated like shit in a relationship or whether you pick yourself up, move on and build a new life for you and DD.

It may not be the life that you had planned but you can both have a lovely life together, whether you do is totally up to you.

I understand everything your all saying and Your all right.

I just feel so bad for her I'm looking at her now and I'm just crying my eyes out because I don't want her to not have her dad around just because of our stupid relationship and petty arguments. I've told him don't be with me if you wanna message other people but he will not say it he tells me he does want to be with me if that was the case he wouldn't be doing what he's doing and lying about it.

I feel so stuck
It's either I hide my feelings and hurt inside and have him around everyday and they be happy together

Or I leave him and my daughters without a dad and I am an emotional wreck

:( 😭😭

I can't win either way I'm so angry with myself

@esselllx

I promise I wasn't judging he has taken advantage of a young, vulnerable, impressionable child. I expect he drove your friends away.

Please have no more to do with him, he's atrocious and will ruin your life.

If he can’t man up enough to be a dad to his daughter whether he is with you or not, he is not worth crying about.

Trying to force a relationship with someone who treats you really badly (as he does) will leave you an emotional wreck.

So your choice is really you carry on as you are, turn yourself into an emotional wreck in the long term because you are trying to make something work that just can’t, in the process showing your daughter that it is ok for men to treat you like shit.

Or, you say to yourself that it ends now. You admit to yourself that he isn’t the man you thought he was. You are an emotional wreck for a little while. And then you take steps forward, to build a new life for you and your daughter in which you are not constantly undermined and treated as worthless. And maybe at some point someone will be lucky enough to attract your interest, because you are worth more than this man.

@MoodyMarshall thanks and yes he did kind of but was mainly my fault as I stopped talking to them because I was just so obsessed with him so we drifted apart and never spoke again

Also it's too late for that he allready has ruined my life

I'm still calling him and being ignored I HATE MYSLEF😭😭😭😭 there must be something wrong with me

Your life isn’t ruined. But you need to get a grip. You know this is wrong you know you and DD deserve better. As I said in pp it’s better to have no father than one who will set a bad example of men. This isn’t love.

He has only ruined your life if you let him OP.

Put down your phone. Do not call him. Go in the garden or stick your head out the window and get some deep breaths of cold air. Then go to bed. Tomorrow is another day.

All that emotion you're feeling right now: channel it. Screw it up into a ball of energy and plough it into giving your lovely DD the best start possible.

Build yourselves a safe, happy life away from this destructive person.

As kindly as possible, I have a 20 year old daughter whose dad is a shite bag never been around her former step dad is a cunt of the highest order (i chose unwisely twice and stayed single since) she is at university so its not all doom and gloom for children with no father around if you were she i would be telling you this

If that utter cock head cant see his daughter is a fantastic and wonderful gift he isnt worth the spit from my dry mouth know your worth put on your big girl pants your a mother act like it cmo if you need it block the shite totally if you don't locks changed if he had a key put your head up you have done nothing to deserve this be proud your a mum

Hope your okay OP.

I can’t imagine how hard this is. I’m sure it’s like an addiction and as soon as you realise you need help, it will get better.

Join a support group on fb in your local area and you can meet other mums? Try to surround yourself with others that have healthy relationships. Maybe join a support group for women with complicated relationships? I’m sure their will be lots! And they can give you advice on how to get out of this.

Break the cycle and create a better example for your DD.

I’m sure the dad is just so sure that you will come back to him if he holds this over you and when you don’t then the choice is with him to see your DD.

Hi OP your not alone!! I have a few questions.. why on earth would you allow yourself to be treated this way? Your not a mug your a mother and that little baby needs you now more than they ever will!! Your ex/boyfriend whatever he is, is a scumbag would you allow your child to be treat that way? And as for saying you feel bad because she needs a dad? Your telling us she needs a lying cheating immature nobody like that in her life? No she doesn't she needs you!! You need to stop hanging on to something that's not there anymore and focus on what's right infront of you, your daughter!! This might sound harsh but I've been exactly in your position and i can tell you now I am 100% happier raising my daughter alone she has everything she needs shes loved shes cared for and shes happy!! You have the opportunity to do the same you don't need to rely on him for anything you can do this you have no choice now.. block him claim got to CMS regardless off whether he's on the certificate or not get what you are entitled to and live your best life with your new best friend.. you have to know your worth and your worth 100x more than what hes offering you. Xxx

You are 20 years old. This guy can’t possibly have ruined your life. You have 60+ years of life to lead and you are the one who gets to decide how you lead that life. Yes, you have responsibilities, you have one gorgeous 6week old massive responsibility who probably feels a bit overwhelming at the moment. But you are in control of how you organize your life and your responsibilities. This guy is treating you badly. You don’t have to put up with that. You’re highly unlikely to get that happily-ever-after fairytale family with him because it’s extremely unlikely that he will start treating you better. That really sucks, it’s ok to grieve for that imagined future but it’s not your fault and you should not sacrifice your happiness to pretend that it’s still a possibility.

You say he’s already got a good bond with your daughter. That’s great. You don’t have to be his girlfriend for him to be a good dad. You just have to cooperate with him about him continuing to see your daughter. If he only wants to see his daughter if you remain in a relationship with him against your wishes, then he’s just using her as a tool to manipulate you and isn’t showing that he cares about his baby so you shouldn’t feel the least bit guilty about not giving him what he wants.

So stop messaging him about your relationship. Drop the rope. Tell him to let you know when he would next like to see your daughter if that hasn’t been said already. And ignore everything else. If he starts messing you around about contact, tell him you need a fixed routine and suggest something reasonable. If he disappears, that’s his bad decision and not yours. You are not responsible for how good or shit a dad he will be to your daughter.

How about here's your belongings now fuck off aNd keep me blocked?