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Original poster

Mckensie Friend called said I was abusive

37 replies

Janiestar75 · 18/12/2020 18:34

I made the mistake of paying a Mckensie friend for legal 'support' in a case my ex has brought against me because my 12 year old doesn't want to go to contact. Within the first few minutes of the conversation, I said 'I'm finding you a bit abrupt'. He said I was being 'rude', that he didn't have to take this 'abuse' and that I was in 'grave danger of losing my daughter'. Now I have to wait until at least Monday (and probably after Xmas) for proper legal advice... just hearing those words freaked me out... even though I don't think it's true, especially as he knew very little about the case at that point. Confused

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DecemberStar · 18/12/2020 20:43

Where did you find him, he sounds awful?!

FortunesFave · 18/12/2020 20:48

They're not even legally qualified...is there a body you can report him to and complain? They must be standardized by someone?

Original poster
Janiestar75 · 18/12/2020 22:51

Thanks guys for your comments, makes me feel less alone. He was truly horrible and I was crying so much by the idea of losing my child, I was late to school to pick up my other one Sad I knew he wasn't qualified but I had a thorough look at his website and his testimonials were great. I've found the main organisation that I can complain to though so hoping to get some money back. He told me he was 'recording the conversation to protect himself' so I'll let them know that. I'll have to go to a solicitor after all. Xx

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Lonecatwithkitten · 19/12/2020 06:06

I don't know about a McKenzie friend, but I do know about at 12 year old not wanting to go on contact. At 12 they are listened to and the court is highly unlikely to force them to go on overnight contact if they don't want to. Particularly if they have well thought out reasons why not. The court will want to encourage so contact so meeting in the day time.
Please don't panic.

CodenameVillanelle · 19/12/2020 06:12

He sounds like a wanker!
Your child is 12? Her views may not be given 100% weight but they will be given significant consideration.

Longdistance · 19/12/2020 06:15

He probably wrote his own reviews. He sounds dreadful. Definitely complain about him.
Your 12 yo won’t be forced to see their dad as they have a say at that age. He was talking bollocks.

HotelliFinlandia · 19/12/2020 06:44

Think we all know who was being abusive in that situation!

Definitely complain. Let them know he was recording your conversation too so they should be able to hear it, after all, if you were so abusive and he needed to protect himself, he's not going to delete it... Because, SHOULD a McKenzie friend be recording your conversation? Surely there's some confidentiality, isn't there? And if he needed to record because he was under such threat, he shouldn't have been there as by definition of being threatened, he couldn't help you!

Original poster
Janiestar75 · 19/12/2020 09:17

Thanks guys, really appreciate it. I had been told previously that 12 year olds have a say which is why I didn't force her to go despite there being a court order. I asked him to clarify why he said I could lose her and he wrote this pile of crap:
''I explained this today, if the fathers suggested you are causing the concerns and he believes the case is emotional harm on your part, then the court could consider the child is moved subject to how he wishes to proceed, this is taking consideration how you explained this to myself and your evidence''...but he said it before I had chance to explain anything. That kind of thing could tip a person over the edge of they were struggling already. I'll definitely be complaining. I don't want it to happen to anyone else. Xx

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Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 19/12/2020 09:20

Maybe your case was too close for comfort to him. ..
At 12 my dc went nc with exh. He didn't even text me about it!! It's been 4 years!!

DamsonInGin · 19/12/2020 09:26

If he wrote what you've quoted he doesn't exactly have a grasp of the English language let alone the law!

Hope you can set your mind at rest soon

EvelynBeatrice · 19/12/2020 09:30

Given the chap can’t write coherently or grammatically, it doesn’t sound like he would be of much help. I’m sure many Mackenzie friends are great, but it does also attract bossy and ignorant busybodies I’m afraid. I wouldn’t worry about what he said - a waste of your energy. Devote your time to assembling evidence that you have previously sought to preserve the father child relationship and have not hindered it; what evidence do you have in the way of text messages, emails, previous meetings etc to demonstrate that you have acted in the best interests of your child. Think of what your script is.

Ingot · 19/12/2020 09:49

What a disgusting thing for him to say. Sounds like he's heavily biased in favour of father's rights rather than what your child wants. Was he a snobbish type who thought he could patronised you?

Original poster
Janiestar75 · 19/12/2020 23:26

Yes, heavily biased...I found out a lot about him today. He messaged me and said he was closing my case because 'you was abusive and harrassed me' (I emailed to ask if he belonged to a professional body, to clarify why he said I was' in grave danger of losing my child' and to ask for a copy of the recorded phone conversation) so I ttold him I was going to go through small through small claims to get my money back. He called me twice and left a really long voice message, threatening to countersue and saying again I had been abusive. Then he sent 3 texts telling me not to contact him again...bizarrely, I had emailed an organisation that oversees some McKenzie Friends simply asking if he was registered with them, nothing else, and somehow he knew that and said I had breached confidentiality in my case!!?!! And that he will let the court know if I take him to small claims...my sister was worried because he knows where I live so she did some research, turns out he probably has a criminal record for a violent crime and has been on trial for rape and driving his car into a group of people on the pavement though he was acquitted for those. Anyway I made a report to the police in case anything else happens... My doors are securely locked!

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Original poster
Janiestar75 · 19/12/2020 23:27

Oh and he used to be in Fathers for Justice....and he was really on the side of my ex, even though he had be physically aggressive to my daughter...

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Original poster
Janiestar75 · 19/12/2020 23:29

Does anyone know if there's any risk in taking someone through small claims? He said on the voicemail that it could end up 'costing me thousands' but I don't think that's true, is it? He can refuse to pay but beyond that, not sure what would happen?

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Original poster
Janiestar75 · 19/12/2020 23:30

Also found some other people have really been ripped off by him, much worse than me, wish I could stop him doing it to anyone else. Sad

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CayrolBaaaskin · 19/12/2020 23:32

This is awful. So sorry op. It’s a disgrace what has been done to legal aid - people need proper advice from solicitors. They may not always be perfect but they are qualified, properly regulated and insured.

CayrolBaaaskin · 19/12/2020 23:32

No - he should not be able to claim any costs in small claims even if he successfully defends

Original poster
Janiestar75 · 19/12/2020 23:33

Oh and then I found his name on the McKenzie Friends organisation I messaged, under people they do not recommend, and it said he has a criminal conviction...though cannot understand why they would contact him about my email, very bizarre.

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Original poster
Janiestar75 · 19/12/2020 23:37

Thanks guys, very helpful! They need to have a proper body regulating McKenzie Friends, so dodgy. Yes, it is awful about legal aid and solicitors cost a bomb. Xx

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MumsDirtyTeaTowel · 19/12/2020 23:38

I didn't know you pay for MacKenzie Friends. And I also thought they were women. Because I want to court twice and my Women's Aid support worker told me about it.

It sounds to me like he usually acts as a MacKenzie Friend for men.

I would push for your money back and if there is someone to report him to, then report him. I would also want to log it with 101 because of his background and knowing where you live.

F4J men are unhinged.

Grellbunt · 19/12/2020 23:41

Contact CAB for advice and support. This is terrible - sorry you’ve been „scammed“ by this very unpleasant man.

Embracelife · 19/12/2020 23:58

How much did you pay ?
How did you find him?
Dud you sign a contract with him?

You better off paying for proper legal advice.

Embracelife · 20/12/2020 00:05

It s rubbish you got scammed but you need your energy to build your case rrad the childrens act and previous cases and support your child.

I dont know how easy it will be to show the service provided by him was not adequate
The Small Claims Track is for claims up to £10,000 (including any added interest) for claiming back money that is owed to you by someone (including partners and friends), debt, faulty or poor quality goods, goods not supplied, goods recovery, problems with services, breach of contract, rent arrears, damage to property, consumer claims and for small claims as a point of principle.

Embracelife · 20/12/2020 00:12

Some info here on how to complain
www.legalchoices.org.uk/types-of-lawyers/other-lawyers/mckenzie-friends

But you may need to focus on your court case now