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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Men who play step daddy but are terrible to their own children.

30 replies

Mama12000 · 15/12/2020 01:39

My childs dad acts as though he is the best daddy to his new girlfriends children and he seems to love that she tags him in all her children's photos on facebook constantly and also photos of the 5 of them with the caption 'family' when he just stopped bothering his arse about his own child who is only two and hasn't been seen in a year. No texts/phonecalls or anything. Am I being unreasonable to not care to react in the slightest?. ( apart from the fact I feel it for my child that his dad is a useless deadbeat ). Some people are saying to me they dont know why I'm so calm and they would go mad if just was their childrens dad behaving like that but I honestly believe a child is better of without a parent who is happy to act like they dont exist?.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Boymumzy · 15/12/2020 01:51

Youre right. It's pointless getting bent out of shape about it isn't it, it won't change anything. I think it's good that you don't let it bother you. He is an asshole though.

Original poster

Mama12000 · 15/12/2020 06:22

Oh he is an asshole theres no denying that.

OP posts:

justanotherneighinparadise · 15/12/2020 06:25

Does he pay for his own child?

Original poster

Mama12000 · 15/12/2020 06:30

He has to pay through csa

OP posts:

SnuggyBuggy · 15/12/2020 06:31

In reality he's probably a useless Disney Dad to the step kids and will lose all interest in them if the relationship with their mother breaks down.

Kumquatsquash · 15/12/2020 06:33

I've never understood this either. I knew someone who was head over heels in love with his wife's friend. Everytime this women came over he would be all loving and attentive to her and her son, while completely ignoring his own wife and child. It was painfully obvious and one day he berated his wife for suggesting that he paint his shop pink, calling her stupid and saying she had no business sense. Then the friend said that actually, pink would be a nice colour so he took her son to the shop to help him buy the paint

unicornsarereal72 · 15/12/2020 06:34

Get mad achieves nothing. You approach is the best way for you and your child.

slipperywhensparticus · 15/12/2020 06:36

Its sadly quite common 😕 then people turn around and say but he is such a wonderful father it must be HER! SHE MUST be stopping him like courts don't exist or something 🙄

I found the same to be true with second family's also

Original poster

Mama12000 · 15/12/2020 06:50

I agree with you all. @Kumquatsquash oh my God he sounds lovely ... not! . @slipperywhensparticus exactly! Always the mothers fault even when it's not the case. Then they try and make themselves look great in other relationships to cover up them looking bad because they don't have a relationship with their child through their own choice.

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sittingonacornflake · 15/12/2020 06:50

Oh. My. God. Are you me? I honestly could have written this word for word. But to top it off in my case, DS's dad's girlfriend is pregnant so they are having child number 3 (first together). Meanwhile DS gets completely and utterly ignored and as he's only 2 he actually doesn't even know who his dad is.

I just don't understand it! HOW can you choose to be entirely absent from your own child's life but raise someone else's children AND plan to hve another baby. You didn't cope with your first baby!!!

Original poster

Mama12000 · 15/12/2020 06:52

I do think a lot of people see through the act though the longer time goes by.

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Original poster

Mama12000 · 15/12/2020 06:54

@sittingonacornflake really? More or less the Dane scenario apart from my childs dads of being pregnant. That will probably come next lol. I dont understand it either. Selfish that's all it is. Our kids will grow up knowing the truth and as long as they have us that's all they need.

OP posts:

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 15/12/2020 06:55

Men like this are interested in the women not the children. Playing daddy is part of the seduction process, helping them get close to the woman they desire and securing her trust. It’s grooming, nothing more. When they (inevitably) lose interest in the woman, for whatever reason, they move on and the child is collateral damage.

Original poster

Mama12000 · 15/12/2020 06:57

Sorry spelling errors in there lol. I meant dads gf being pregnant.

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justanotherneighinparadise · 15/12/2020 07:00

Good. I’m glad he’s paying. The absolute minimum I’m sure but he’s paying at least.

I would enjoy the quiet OP as they’ll be a point in your child’s life when he’ll come storming back into it with outrageous demands of shared custody arrangements

sittingonacornflake · 15/12/2020 07:09

@justanotherneighinparadise

Good. I’m glad he’s paying. The absolute minimum I’m sure but he’s paying at least.

I would enjoy the quiet OP as they’ll be a point in your child’s life when he’ll come storming back into it with outrageous demands of shared custody arrangements

Something to look forward to then.

OhioOhioOhio · 15/12/2020 07:10

I have similar. I couldn't get my xh to come home for dinner and now he's a 'dedicated father'. Yeah. Right. Whatever.

Original poster

Mama12000 · 15/12/2020 07:19

And the women they are with now probably think we are green with jealousy when in reality we are thinking good riddance. Always makes me laugh when they talk about having such a great man. No a great man doesnt turn his back on his children.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mama12000 · 15/12/2020 07:21

The only sad bit is the child/children dont have the loving dad that they should have in their lives.

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MossandRoy · 15/12/2020 07:27

My ex is all lovey-dovey with his new family too. Told my kids (8&10 at the time) that they don't need 'such good Xmas presents anymore as (the step grandchild) is only 5 and deserves bigger presents' . A charming man. Definitely good riddance.

OhioOhioOhio · 15/12/2020 07:30

If they are horrible and at least have the decency to turn their back on their kids then at least their own kids don't have to put up with them.

Sewsosew · 15/12/2020 07:39

I worked with someone who had left his wife and dumped his older children. Constantly went on about his amazing adult step children and how awful his own kids were. Dickhead.

Mintyt · 15/12/2020 07:47

I am the daughter of that type of dad and even now it hurts a bit. I went NC finally

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 15/12/2020 07:48

IME, the more 'family' 'making memories' and other such bollocks people post in SM, the shitter their relationships in real-life. I don't mean the odd post, obviously, I mean the ones who keep up a constant stream. Who are they trying to convince?

Well done for not letting it get to you, OP - your DS is better off with a strong mum as his role model than an arsehole dad.

Mintyt · 15/12/2020 07:51

He's dead now, on his dead bed he wanted to see me. I didn't bother, if he couldn't bother with me when he was fit and well and being a good dad and grandad ( rightly so no problem with him loving and caring and being there for them) then I wasn't going to see him, everyone said I would regret it - I didn't - I invited him to my 1st wedding -regretted it, did not invite him to my second, never regretted it.

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