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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Boyfriend won’t accept I’m pregnant

44 replies

Laurajohnson1981 · 03/12/2020 11:06

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a while now and things have been amazing, we were so happy together. We never really discussed children in depth but he always said he wasn’t bothered, I always said it it happens it happens but I knew for medical reasons there was a chance I might not be able to conceive. I was on the pill anyway but have obviously made a mistake as I have fallen pregnant. I’m also 39 so I know this could never happen to me again so I really don’t want to rush into any decisions but my heart is telling me that I have to keep it. My boyfriend is now adamant that he does not and never will want children. After just one day he has told me that if I do keep it he won’t have anything to do with it so therefore we will also have to break up. I feel like I am being made to choose between him and my baby. I know that he is in shock and he is a very stubborn and sometimes selfish person but he’s also usually so loving and caring but I just feel like he’s not caring or thinking about me at all and I don’t know if he’ll ever come round to the idea. I am completely heartbroken that I have lost him but I know that even if I didn’t go ahead with it now I’d never be able to be back with him. All I am doing at the moment is crying and mourning the end of our relationship and I should I’ve focussing on my pregnancy. Did anybody else ever deal with anything like this when they first fell pregnant? Did your partners come around once they’d had time to get over the shock?

OP posts:

LRHRN · 05/12/2020 15:47

How's it going @Laurajohnson1981 ??xx

Original poster

Laurajohnson1981 · 06/12/2020 09:53

Thanks everyone for your messages. He did come back apologising for how he’s treated me and said he’s really ashamed of himself and seemed to be coming round to the idea. Then the minute he got a bit excited he freaked out and left and now he’s back to saying he doesn’t want it 🤷🏼‍♀️ I will be going ahead on my own or with him. That’s his choice now

OP posts:

Oliversmumsarmy · 06/12/2020 10:42

I will be going ahead on my own or with him. That’s his choice now

Then make your choice and dump him. Put him out of his misery.

LRHRN · 06/12/2020 10:46

What a shame he didn't just apologise.
You can't be left in limbo as to wether you are doing it alone or with him.
What when the baby is born and he freaks out again??
Bin him and concentrate on you and your baby

Tiredtiredtired100 · 20/12/2020 11:56

You can do this alone and are best off telling your ex that you’re not going to be contacting him again to push this and it’s up to him to actively try to be involved. Hopefully he will come around, but even if he doesn’t you and your baby will be fine (and possibly better off by the sound of it too). I had a similar situation (that sadly turned much nastier as he tried to force me to abort) and I now have a very healthy, happy and loved almost 2 year old. There really is no question that I made the right decision and neither have you. Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck!

Einszwei · 20/12/2020 11:59

Congratulations OP! I think he is probably very shocked as the unexpected news.

However, if he was adamant on having children he should have had the snip!

earthyfire · 20/12/2020 12:11

Congratulations a comment hit the nail on the head this baby will bring you far more happiness than he will. It all seems terrifying at the moment but it all does slot into place. Good luck.

xmaspuzzlenc · 20/12/2020 15:44

Hope you're ok op x

Littleyell · 20/12/2020 16:02

How long have you been together OP? How old is he?

I think you would be making a mistake if you choose not to keep the baby at 39! Congratulations.

It could be just the shock or he could really mean the things he had said. I would go with want you want deep down OP.

Plsv87 · 20/12/2020 16:08

How are you doing OP?

PurpleMustang · 20/12/2020 16:33

Just as an extra, don't necessarily say that you messed up the pill. Yes you may have but it also isn't a 100%. So don't let him you blame. If he didn't want kids he should have used condoms also to be sure.

HornbeamLane · 20/12/2020 16:39

Well done OP. And congratulations.
What I can say is that you can do it alone if you need to. A lot of women even in relationships get exceptionally little support from their DPs and almost act as single mums even when they're not single.
I recently left my DP whilst we have a 6 month old and I don't feel ive list anything other than someone extra I had to look after so rest assured those in couples aren't necessarily better off.
I hope it works out for you. He might just need some time to settle on the idea. Perhaps leave the door open if you feel it can be repaired?

Littleyell · 20/12/2020 16:45

rest assured those in couples aren't necessarily better off.

Absolutely hit the nail on the head.

Original poster

Laurajohnson1981 · 20/12/2020 17:18

Thanks everyone. And sorry I’ve not replied to all of the messages. We had a couple of weeks of no contact but now he has come back apologising for how he’s treated me. He still says he doesn’t want children but will support whatever I do as much as he can. So it’s progress 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m definitely keeping it regardless

OP posts:

Original poster

Laurajohnson1981 · 20/12/2020 17:20

Only about 6 months but we were together years ago and have known each other a long time. But it was obviously a shock to us both and not something we planned at such an early stage in our relationship (well the second attempt at a relationship)

OP posts:

MondeoFan · 20/12/2020 18:10

Have the baby I would. 39 is a lovely age to have a baby. Have the baby and hopefully he comes around to the idea, if he doesn't it'll be the best thing you ever did believe me.

AutumnColours9 · 05/01/2021 01:53

Yes this happened to me. He did come round after a while but unfortunately he was always pretty selfish and is now exH. However I am glad I had DD which I would have done with or without him.

BlueThistles · 05/01/2021 01:57

how are you OP 🌺

Miffyliffy · 05/01/2021 05:17

Congratulations on your pregnancy and all the best with the future.

Definitely great that you've made the leap to go ahead and have the baby as you said with being 39.

Hopefully he continues to process his feelings and can be supportive.

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