Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Happier after split

30 replies

FreesiaFairy · 21/11/2020 15:19

I have a 6 month old baby and his dad and I have broken up. He is seeing him regularly. I feel upset at times (very upset at the beginning) and sometimes lonely. But a lot of the time I feel pretty happy and like it's a relief not having to deal with the rows / worry about relationship etc! I was the one that asked him to leave as I couldn't cope with the stress of or relationship on top of looking after our baby.

I guess I just wonder if anyone had the same thing - being surprisingly happy one their own? I suppose it makes sense as the relationship was very stressful, hence why it ended, but I'm surprised at how happy I feel..

OP posts:

Original poster

FreesiaFairy · 21/11/2020 15:22

Maybe the reality will kick in later on down the line?

OP posts:

Purplewithred · 21/11/2020 15:24

God yes, the minute we finally separated homes it was as if a huge cloud had lifted. Sounds as if the split was the right thing for both of you. Be happy, be secure, move on.

IdblowJonSnow · 21/11/2020 15:25

You're already living the reality OP!
I'm not in your situation but know loads of people who are miserable in relationships but feel stuck.
I say good for you for doing something about it and hope your happiness continues!

Original poster

FreesiaFairy · 21/11/2020 15:41

Thank you. Yes it does seem to have been the healthiest thing for all three of us actually..

I sort of feel like I've got my future back as I was starting to feel very bleak and unhopefull about that..

It's sad of course there's still lots of love and we started off with lots of good visions of the future, but for reasons I won't go into it started to go very off track the last few years. (drug addiction being one of them). The baby plus lockdown etc were what brought everything to a head and showed it wasn't working!

OP posts:

FippertyGibbett · 21/11/2020 15:43

Well done for making the change.
It’s good to be able to be independent.

MushMonster · 21/11/2020 15:47

It is great that you are feeling like this OP. It is 100% sure the relationship is not meant to be. I did have that too. A huge sense of relief, like a tonne od bricks lifted of my shoulders. I did never look back to the relationship. I only felt the hard work of being a single parent, and a bit lonely after the initial happiness.
Best wishes

justleavemebe · 21/11/2020 15:51

I split with my dcs father 14 months ago. Best thing I ever did, the arguments were Dailey and I resented him loads. It was a very stressful relationship and I asked him to leave. The second he was gone I felt 1000% better.

Good for u op

justleavemebe · 21/11/2020 15:51

Daily

Light11 · 22/11/2020 04:23

It sounds like you have a really sensible head on your shoulders, enjoy your little one and your freedom and may your next relationship bring you lots of joy when you are ready xx

Bitsandthebobs · 22/11/2020 08:21

Same ! I applaud you for being strong enough to do it whilst you are at a fairly vulnerable stage . Wish I had done .. I spent years hoping for things to be different . I asked him to leave too recently and it felt like I could breathe again .. he had to return for a couple of days to look after kids whilst I worked & it’s made me feel awful again.. so now aiming to be back where I was prior to his stay .He is too toxic .
Wish you every happiness moving on

Original poster

FreesiaFairy · 22/11/2020 16:42

@Bitsandthebobs
Thank you, yes it's not been easy, I just felt like it would get harder and harder to end things and I was at crisis point really with coping with it all. Hope you start feeling better again soon :-) x

OP posts:

Original poster

FreesiaFairy · 22/11/2020 16:46

@Light11
Thank you :-) xx

OP posts:

RainbowL2020 · 06/12/2020 04:03

@FreesiaFairy Hi OP 👋 I'm going through the same thing now (or will be soon) me and my partner have decided to split after Christmas at some point ☹️ I brought it up and it was clear we both felt the same.. it hasn't been right for ages. We have a beautiful 5 mo DS who is now our main priority. I'm still getting my head around it all but I know that this is for the best and I'm split between feeling sad it hasn't worked out like I'd hoped but at the same time excited for the future that I thought I nearly wouldn't have! I'm sure as time goes on I'll feel 100% better once it's happened x

GroundAlmonds · 06/12/2020 04:06

The enormous sense of relief is what yor split up for.

You’re going to have a lovely life with your gorgeous baby.

WhatInFreshHell · 06/12/2020 05:09

All I felt when I left my ExH was relief to be honest! I realised almost instantly that he was a gas lighting bastard, that I was nowhere near as insane as he made me feel, and that nearly all parts of my life are better without him. That was almost 3 years ago now...I'm still single but very happy with my DS, who is now 6. I've got myself a new house, a new job, lots of new friends and next year I'm starting an Access Course at a local college. I've wanted to be a nurse for a very long time, and I'm now finally in a position where I am able to study full time and work Saturdays and Sundays whilst my DS is with his Dad. If I had stayed with my husband, I would never have been able to go back into studying, I had a boring dead end job in order to keep a roof over our heads and put food on the table...because my husband was a secret gambler! I'm responsible for my own finances now, I plan well, and by September 2020 I'll be in a position to finally start a nursing degree full time. I'm so thankful every day that I had the courage to leave that horrible man, and my DS and I are so close, hes my favourite person in the world! So, be happy OP, you're allowed to be! Congratulations on your freedom!

Original poster

FreesiaFairy · 06/12/2020 07:54

Hi @RainbowL2020 ! I'm sorry to hear that about you and your partner. But it does sound like it could be a positive move for you. It is very sad but it's good your starting to feel positive about the future again. It is hard to make the final decision but it helps that you both agree. It took me getting to crisis point to make the final decision, in the weeks leading up to it I kept a diary to keep track of what was going on and I find that helpful to look back on now. As it is so easy to wonder if you made the right decision. But I think feeling hopeful and excited about a future apart is probably a good sign it's the right thing to do. It's hard because I think all couples find a new baby difficult, but do you think your problems were there before that? Good luck with everything! x

OP posts:

Original poster

FreesiaFairy · 06/12/2020 07:56

Thank you @GroundAlmonds

OP posts:

RainbowL2020 · 06/12/2020 09:06

@FreesiaFairy yeah I agree I got to the point where I just couldn't go on how it's been and to be honest I think we both feel so much better for accepting it and talking it through. Then I'd wake up one morning really sad thinking are we doing the right thing but as the days have gone on I realise we are and that we'll clearly get on much better as friends/being civil for DC. Already this week we've got on better than we have in ages! Our problems were absolutely there before we had DC which I was probably in denial about but I wouldn't change a thing because he's the best thing that's happened to the both of us ❤️. He'll be moving out in the next couple of months and then I suppose it's just getting used to a new routine and getting back to work 🤷🏻‍♀️ x

Original poster

FreesiaFairy · 06/12/2020 09:48

@WhatInFreshHell that's very inspirational, I'm glad you're getting on so well! How do you find dealing with your exH about your son etc? It's difficult when you still have to talk to them. I do miss my ex, and feel very sad sometimes about how things have worked out, especially in the night and mornings etc and this time of year makes it even harder. It's difficult on your own isn't it. And I do worry about being lonely / never having a partner again as I have a child already. But overall I feel much happier and at peace / much less stressed. Life feels more positive. I wouldn't want to go to how things were and from various conversations we've had that's exactly what would happen, as they just end in arguements.

OP posts:

Original poster

FreesiaFairy · 06/12/2020 09:53

But strangely we are getting on well with regards to our son, having friendly conversations and being cooperative etc.. which I think is important for him now and in the future (random stuff like chatting about weaning and new developments) which I'm glad about although it does muddy the waters a bit and make it hard to move on I think! It's like he's not totally gone which I guess comes with territory when you have a child together x

OP posts:

Original poster

FreesiaFairy · 06/12/2020 10:03

@RainbowL2020 it's so hard when you have a little baby, it makes dealing with extra relationship stress unbearable, and you feel so vunerable! Well done for making the decision. I hope it all goes well, the next part (him moving out) might be tricky but if you're like me you'll be over the worst of it surprisingly quickly. Then you'll be enjoying your new more positive life. Probably helps that you're already coming to terms with it, is there a reason he won't move till a couple of months? In a way might be easier sooner rather than later if that was possible!

OP posts:

RainbowL2020 · 06/12/2020 10:34

@FreesiaFairy yeah it's really hard with a newborn I totally underestimated how hard it would be and our DC was born 2 months prem and was in NICU for his first 6 weeks during the whole covid thing so it's been really tough to say the least.. I think I did most of the grieving for our relationship earlier in the year and now I think I've just come to terms that it's not the end of the world like I once thought. He's spending Xmas with us and has already started looking for a place but he was in the middle of doing a few big jobs around the house that he doesn't want to leave me stuck with so is going to get them finished in the new year and make the move. How did you find telling family etc? Not looking forward to that but I know it's the right decision 100% x

Original poster

FreesiaFairy · 06/12/2020 16:15

@RainbowL2020 oh no way! My baby was premature too! And spent some time in NICU. That plus covid was incredibly stressful... 6 weeks must have felt like such a long time. And then they are trickier to look after at home being so little..

Family and friends have been understanding, think they thought we might work it ok at first as they didn't realise how serious our problems were xx

OP posts:

RainbowL2020 · 06/12/2020 17:12

@FreesiaFairy aww really asif bless 😊 yeah it's so difficult even when I got DC home I just had so much anxiety with him being prem and being my first. Aw did they well that's good that they were understanding. I know mine will be too it's just said that it's happened while he's still so young but when I thought about it it's better now than later when he would be more aware of what's going on I suppose. They have no clue anything at all is wrong at all either so it'll be a shock to them x

Original poster

FreesiaFairy · 06/12/2020 19:21

@RainbowL2020 We put a brave face on for friends and family don't we, and don't want them to think badly of our other half / our relationship so don't tell them much...

I thought exactly the same thing about it being harder on all of us when he's older.. it'll be all he's ever known really. It is really sad though, nearly every day I think of how things could have been. But the reality is that even if we were 'taking baby to the beach for the first time' together or whatever, it would probably be miserable, so better to be happier apart x

OP posts:

Flip

1 2