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Original poster

Splitting child benefit

50 replies

ISolemnlySwearIAmUpToNoGood · 27/10/2020 20:46

Am fully prepared to be told I am being unreasonable but ex has ground me down so much I just feel like this is the last straw and I just want to cry because I can't see any end in sight to it.

He has messaged me today demanding that I pay him half of the child benefit I receive for our 4 yo dd. If he had just tried to be civil/nice with how he asked I probably wouldn't have thought twice and agreed. I suggested he would then need to reimburse me half for the clothes I bought for her for school etc if that was the case as he hasn't contributed towards any of it and that is what it gets spent on, to which I then get called a d**k so I've just stopped replying now. Although I suppose that is at least mild to what he usually calls me.

Should I just give in for the sake of £40 a month?

OP posts:
Sunbird24 · 27/10/2020 20:51

God no. He’s a CF.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 27/10/2020 20:52

Does he have her half the time and pay for everything she needs at his house rather than expect you to send it all with her?

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/10/2020 20:53

What’s yoor contact arrangement and does he pay maintenance if it’s not 50/50?

Original poster
ISolemnlySwearIAmUpToNoGood · 27/10/2020 21:48

He does have her half the time. Split is pretty recent, only 7 months and I ended up being the one leaving the house to stop dd having to witness his behaviour towards me. So pretty much all of her clothes and toys etc have stayed there and I have been buying things bit by bit as she is outgrowing a lot of clothes as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
ISolemnlySwearIAmUpToNoGood · 27/10/2020 21:50

Not sure if it makes any difference but he earns more than me. He takes home about £1,900 a month whereas I work part time and claim universal credit.

OP posts:
TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 27/10/2020 21:53

I guess if he actually has her half the time, and buys everything she needs at his (ie has the same costs as you) then I can see why he wants half the CB.
But if his income is a lot higher than yours, and as he has all her stuff from before the split, you 'need' the money more than he does.

What childcare do you use when you're working? What about him? Who pays for it?

faithfulbird20 · 27/10/2020 21:55

Err no...don't give it...what an idiot he is...sounds greedy and selfish....it's child benefit...

faithfulbird20 · 27/10/2020 21:57

Tell him you'll agree if he gives you half his wage...just for a reaction lol bill him for any other things you spend on the kids...see how he feels..hope that shuts him up...greedy mare..

m0therofdragons · 27/10/2020 21:58

Only one parent can apply for child benefit so if you applied for it it is yours. Ignore him.

titchy · 27/10/2020 21:59

Don't give it him. It's a gateway benefit (which is prob why he wants it) and you could lose some elements of your UC if you don't claim it. Which of course could mean you'd lose your home and he'd then have to have your dd the majority of time.

Original poster
ISolemnlySwearIAmUpToNoGood · 27/10/2020 22:05

@TheFormerPorpentinaScamander

I guess if he actually has her half the time, and buys everything she needs at his (ie has the same costs as you) then I can see why he wants half the CB. But if his income is a lot higher than yours, and as he has all her stuff from before the split, you 'need' the money more than he does. What childcare do you use when you're working? What about him? Who pays for it?
I'm really lucky in that my boss is lovely and understanding and has allowed me to re-arrange my work hours around dd being in school and with ex so only having to pay for childcare on rare occasions such as now with half term. I actually think that is what has set him off this time was me asking him to pay his half of the £90 nursery bill for the week.

Ex has his father doing the school run on his days at the moment I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
ISolemnlySwearIAmUpToNoGood · 27/10/2020 22:07

@faithfulbird20

Tell him you'll agree if he gives you half his wage...just for a reaction lol bill him for any other things you spend on the kids...see how he feels..hope that shuts him up...greedy mare..
I would actually love to say that to him after all the crap he has said to me over the last 7 months 😆
OP posts:
HellooJackie · 27/10/2020 22:08

Erm no? Don't split a penny with this asshole.
How dare he.

RandomMess · 27/10/2020 22:12

Just ignore, but no don't give him half.

Thanks
76ocean · 27/10/2020 22:13

Don't give him it. You're working part time to facilitate child care which is impacting your earning potential and also saving him on childminding costs yet he still wants £40 p/m out of you, ridiculous. Coupled with the fact you're actually using that money for things like uniform which he hasn't contributed towards.

Original poster
ISolemnlySwearIAmUpToNoGood · 27/10/2020 22:15

Thank you everyone.

He has a way of making me feel I'm being unreasonable or in the wrong any time I disagree with him or try to stand up for myself.

OP posts:
TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 27/10/2020 22:15

In that case then no i wouldn't give him half. I have a friend who had a true 50/50 split when their dc were teens. She claimed for 2dc and he claimed for 1 as he earned more. They agreed that was fair though.

Thankssomuch · 27/10/2020 22:19

Oh you poor thing, my ex tried to pull the same stunt years ago. I only knew because the authorities contacted me to let me know that he’d tried to claim it and they were giving it their consideration. Luckily I found the original statement of arrangements for children in which it was stated ( in his handwriting!) that we agreed a 50/50 residency arrangement with me having the DC during school holidays as well. So it continued to be paid to me.

Original poster
ISolemnlySwearIAmUpToNoGood · 27/10/2020 22:21

@Thankssomuch

Oh you poor thing, my ex tried to pull the same stunt years ago. I only knew because the authorities contacted me to let me know that he’d tried to claim it and they were giving it their consideration. Luckily I found the original statement of arrangements for children in which it was stated ( in his handwriting!) that we agreed a 50/50 residency arrangement with me having the DC during school holidays as well. So it continued to be paid to me.
This is what I'm worried about. If I refuse would he then try to claim it himself and I then stop receiving it for however long it takes them to decide who to give it to.
OP posts:
Sunnydaysstillhere · 27/10/2020 22:22

Op be aware he can make a counter claim and they will consider it.
Keep evey receipt. Keep a diary of every appointment YOU take dd to. Every club /class you pay for her to attend. Every school run you do.
You need to prove to any authority you are her main financial provider /carer.

SoloMummy · 27/10/2020 22:27

A counterclaim would also mean you lose your UC child element and any associated housing benefits allowances etc beyond that of a single person.

Is there anything in black and white re the split.

Is it a 4 3 split?

Original poster
ISolemnlySwearIAmUpToNoGood · 27/10/2020 22:28

@Sunnydaysstillhere

Op be aware he can make a counter claim and they will consider it. Keep evey receipt. Keep a diary of every appointment YOU take dd to. Every club /class you pay for her to attend. Every school run you do. You need to prove to any authority you are her main financial provider /carer.
This is why I'm wondering if it's worth the stress over £40 a month. I'm so fed up of him trying to walk over me all the time though. Don't know if I should give in and pick a different hill to die on ...
OP posts:
Thankssomuch · 27/10/2020 22:29

But OP - if you don’t refuse and give it to him you’ve definitely lost it. As the PP said, keep any piece of evidence you have and send it to them if you have to.

Original poster
ISolemnlySwearIAmUpToNoGood · 27/10/2020 22:30

@SoloMummy

A counterclaim would also mean you lose your UC child element and any associated housing benefits allowances etc beyond that of a single person.

Is there anything in black and white re the split.

Is it a 4 3 split?

Only text messages and nothing regarding child benefit.

We each have her 3 nights a week and then alternate the 4th night every other week if that makes sense.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 27/10/2020 22:30

Is it possible to give CB the heads up that he is demanding half from you and your are reliant on the full amount financially and you are worried he will counter claim?

Have you historically been her primary carer? Can you evidence it? What about now what is the contact pattern?

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