Ex quit his job!!!

[november90]

We have 2 children and he pays me a certain amount a month. He informed me he was going to pay this amount back in March before DS2 was born. He changed his job in sept, had a big pay rise but refused to pay me anymore maintenance. I accepted it as I've been a victim of emotional and psychological abuse and control from him ever since he left me in jan at 24 weeks pregnant and I couldn't bare any more arguments/threats from him. Anyway, that a side, he's now QUIT his new job and doesn't have anything else lined up. He says he is refusing to work his notice and wouldn't go back to his previous job so I imagine he'll get no further wage. This means I'm not finically responsible for 2 children whilst on standard maternity pay!!!! I literally cannot believe this. I already claim UC but I need that money for our lives! What can I do?! What should I do?! I'm SO stressed!!!

Sadly you can't do anything. I woukd still open up a claim with cms.. it will cost £20 but he will have to pay £7 a week..

Are you sure he has actually quit his job or avoiding maintenance?

I also imagine his gets pleasure from upsetting you. Don't let him know

Are you in a position that you can look for work? How far are you into Mat leave? Perhaps returning to work sooner that you had planned will be something you'll have to consider. Sorry it's awful to be let down like this, the more independent your are of his whims and caprices the better in the long run.

Omg I'm going to be like £250 worse off a month now. My baby is only 5 months old and WVF so there's no way I can go back to work... and even if I did... the more employment pay I get, the less UC pay I get so it won't really make that much of a difference :(

I just can't believe he can just quit a job when he has 2 children with nothing lined up!!!

Some men are just useless feckless shits. My ex did the same when DD1 was young and left me in the shit when I was in my last year of university. Told his mum on him and she paid it until he got a job and made him pay her every penny back with interest ha

How is he supporting himself if he has now job?

Sorry no advice really but your ex is an absolute twat! Giving up a job when he has children to support is just sickening.

I hope you can maybe get more to love through UC to help you and the kids. Good luck

Sorry youre in this situation.
Definitely go through CMA at least you will start getting something when he does start work again.

What a twat sorry you are this situation.
Definitely go through CMA though that way he can't tell you he isnt working if he gets another job.

Sadly there are many non resident parents like this. I have had 2 months money in the last 2 and half years. And my ex also gets a military pension (the equivalent to a minimum wage job)as well as paid employment.

And there isn't a thing I can do.

Use the entitled too website and put In Your wages and see what the result is. They will pay up to 85% of your childcare. Have you cutback all your bills. Do you get council tax benefit do you have small baby stuff you can sell?

I know it is a difficult decision to make to go back to work so soon. Are you due and annual leave that could get you to the six month mark.

Have you discussed with him how he is going to support the children now?

@unicornsarereal72 if your ex gets a military pension can you not get a deduction of earnings? My ex is due to retire and I think he is going to try to stop paying.
I thought the military took a dim view of non payment of child maintenance?

I really appreciate all your replies!
I am in a such a state of shock that someone would just walk out on a job when they have children. He always seems to land on his feet or his mum bails him out which is probably why he's so flippant about things!
Sorry for others who've experienced nonsense like this. Thank for our kids have us stables mummy's in their lives!

@OhamIreally sadly not. It is a medical pension so it is ringfenced. Which I understand as a system. But as a father with an untaxed income of that amount he couldn't find £50 a week for his children

My ex did this. There's nothing you can do and I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of you reacting. Sorry he's such a shit dad

I feel for you. My ex did exactly this. He was a company owner / director and sold his company and then moved abroad ...! Basically to get out of paying anything. No one could trace anything. The one thing I will say is that even though things are really shit and hard now when the children are older you will feel proud of having done it alone and they’ll realise what a useless toad their dad is!

(My dd is 17 now, she was 6 months old when we split up).

He does still see the boys and does seem enthusiastic about them.... but he puts a fight up about everything! He threatens childcare at me all the time when something doesn't go his own way. I am really concerned about his influence on the boys.... within 10 months he walked out on me and my so. Whilst I was pregnant and now he's just walked out on his job! He's never paid the correct amount of CM. He's completely unstable and I'd be devastated if my sons turned out like him :(

Your sons won't turn out like him. They will be fab because they have a lovely mum, he will be a small part of their lives. You will bring them up brilliantly, he sounds dragged up

If he isn't working, could he look after the children to enable you to get a full time job? They could still be resident at your house, but he could look after them in the day time. That way' you'd have more money coming in.

Go through cms, at some point he is likely to earn money again and they can claim it for you

I mean I'll survive without his finical input... I'm living with my parents currently whilst I find my feet after he walked out on me when I was pregnant so I could be in a much worse position... but at the same time I live to my means and Christmas is 2 pays away. I just felt like I was getting my head above water and his actions had just brought back a lot of trauma I think. I hate him.
I would give up every single thing I own before agreeing to them spending more time with him. He's not the influence I want around my children any more then I have to!

Thanks for the replies everyone, really appreciate being able to get it off my chest and speak to like minded people ❤️

I'm sorry op , it's truly shit.

My exh has paid a total of about £700 cm for my eldest two in 13 years. He doesn't chip in for uniforms or trips at all either. He's in and out of work , sometimes self employed...He's just so erratic that pinning him down for payments has never gone well.

I know you'll adjust , you'll cut back and cope just fine. You shouldn't have to though so you have every right to be cross.

It’s disgusting that any parent can behave in this wat. You have every right right to be angry. Do put a CM claim in, even if he’s not working you’ll be entitled to a few pounds and it will be in force when he eventually does get back into paid employment.

Not defending him but this shows the system doesn't reward good behaviour from a Mother or Father.

As unhelpful as this sounds this is why you should never rely on maintenance money.. My ex partner pays the grand sum of zero pounds towards our daughter. I work part time and claim UC for childcare. It's incredibly tough and I feel for you being in this situation. I really do xx

He will have to work sooner or later so yes open a CMS claim.

Just to add the whole CMS process seems wrong to me. All based around how many nights you have the kids and I think it actively discourages contact with non-resident parent.

Unless there's serious safe guarding concerns I think there should be a two tier system where parents that agree access sensibly and amicably get rewarded and those that dont pay a premium (not direct pay as that doesn't address the child access issue). Repeating myself I dont condone it but I can understand why some Father's think sod it.