Tired Of The Statistics

[Defender87]

I myself am not a parent yet, however I was raised by a single mother and know full well the struggles and challenges so many face. The vast majority of them were put in a bad position they didn't expect or want, be it a bad father who walked out on her and the children (which was my case, unfortunately), the father died, the mother got out of an abusive relationship, etc. and when I see the hatred so many single mothers get and then the usual BS about them it makes me so angry.

I think single parents and especially mothers have it difficult enough with the difficult circumstances so many of them face, and it's bad enough that they often put up with the stigma they do that the overwhelmingly majority don't deserve. But then you've got those who are prejudiced against them who'll always cite statistics and claim things about how children from single mother households and without a father in their lives are more prone to poverty, drug use, more likely to drop out of school and wind up in prison, etc. and claim how the majority of prison inmates hail from single mother households and most mass shooters were fatherless.

I get so sick and fed up of these stereotypes and prejudices. I know I don't fit any of this and the vast majority of people I've known of raised by single mothers don't, either. The most troubled and problematic individuals I've known in my life had traditional two-parent upbringings which obviously did nothing to deter them from their misgivings. When I was going to school, the bullies I had and most of the other troublemaking students, almost all of them had traditional two-parent upbringings and I stuggle to think of any from a single parent home. While it's true single parents are more likely to live in poverty it's not a cause and I've known of plenty of traditional two-parent families that struggle financially and are dysfunctional, and almost every single parent family I've known of has never been dysfunctional. And with the statistics that those prejudiced against single mothers often cite, there's just far too many variables to take into account for them to be reliable and they don't represent every single person of the demographics. Not to mention statistics can often be warped and misrepresented by those with agendas (which a lot of the anti-single parent crowd definitely tend to have much of the time, being so obsessed with the idea of traditional families).

I may have rambled a bit there but I'm really tired of hearing about the statistics and stereotypes from people who are so judgmental and close-minded. The overwhelmingly vast majority of single parents and people from single parent upbringings I know of don't fit the description and the users here sure don't. I've known of no bad person who had a single parent upbringing and know plenty of unsavory types who had traditional upbringings. I'm sure I'm not the only one here fed up with the judgment. Things like statistics don't always paint a complete picture and more often than not don't.

I dont believe statistics. Surely there is only prejudice from older generations and gutter press. Single parents are very widespread these days so most people wont be phased or biased unless living in a bubble and out of touch.

The statistics are out of date and out of touch. Plenty of marriages come to an end and plenty of people never marry. My kids were from a two-parent household and now they are not! I’d say we are better off without my ex. I have the same job I always had and we are comfortably off. They are not at a disadvantage - one is at uni and one at school and doing great.

Having been through a divorce I honestly believe people are crazy to get married. It’s made me question the whole system. Marriage offers no more stability or security than going it alone. There should be no stigma at all these days about parents being single.

I don't see prejudice, where are you hearing this from?

I have only ever had judgment from an older cousin who is very out of date and doesn't believe in single parent families. She told me off for remaining single!

The prejudice should be against men who refuse to pay CMS money - I’ve read about a lot on here. And men who cut all contact with their kids and don’t care if they live or die. Mums hold the world together!

I believe the problems experienced by children of single parents are much more often to do with an abusive non resident parent, but that is just less visible.

@TrafalgarSquare

I don't see prejudice, where are you hearing this from?

It's generally from people who hate single parent (namely mother) families and blame them for just about every societal negative you can think of. Such people are usually quick to cite statistics and spout off BS about how children without fathers in their lives and raised by single mothers wind up in prison.

The outcomes for single parent households are linked more to poverty, deprivation and abuse than anything else. Statistics can be skewed whichever way you want them, but the truth still holds that financially stable households have better outcomes for children regardless of whether it is a single parent household or not. It’s why I believe the state ought to do more to help families in poverty and fund services that support children better.

I didnt realise there was hatred and so much judgement towards single mothers, I have yet to experience anything g of the such. Its a hard slog at times but i've never once received any negativity, so i do wonder what your referring to exactly

The only statistic I know of is that alot of single parent families live in poverty even if working which is probably quite accurate

Statistics may give an overall picture but there are very many single parent families doing fine! The financial instability or hardship is often due to the gender pay gap and the sheer inflexibility of needing to work and also be there for children. Even as a working married parent (as I then was) I faced the same challenges. Now my ex has gone I’d say we are more stable as a family unit. Certainly not near the breadline, thanks, and I do find it strange when the odd person has treated me as some sort of hardship case because I no longer have a husband who earned about half the amount I do.

As a throughly middle age divorced parent with a good job and teenagers/young adults I am not in the same boat as a never married young mum BUT I do see how most single parents are going above and beyond for their kids.

There is nothing “better” about someone who may be married with kids and afraid to leave an abusive man because of the financial damage.

@MissMaple82

I didnt realise there was hatred and so much judgement towards single mothers, I have yet to experience anything g of the such. Its a hard slog at times but i've never once received any negativity, so i do wonder what your referring to exactly

It's all over the internet and single mothers are often a favorite target of the Alt Right. It's only in more recent times I've seen the hatred directed against them, which I find mind-blowing and asinine. I know the overwhelmingly vast majority didn't choose to be single and only are such due to circumstances like the husband/father dying or leaving the family, the wife/mother getting her and her child/ren out of an abusive environment, etc. I know my own mother didn't expect or want single parenthood and did the best she could with the deck she was dealt. Seeing the prejudice and hatred against single parents and especially mothers is something that really gets to me personally and I don't see how anyone could be so judgmental against another who's circumstances they know nothing of.

I think there is the lazy assumption that single mothers are living off benefits - not particularly true. And there are men who don’t like the idea of women being independent. Plus people always assume a woman on her own will be poor. Not much thinking behind any of that.

@catspyjamas123

I think there is the lazy assumption that single mothers are living off benefits - not particularly true. And there are men who don’t like the idea of women being independent. Plus people always assume a woman on her own will be poor. Not much thinking behind any of that.

My mother worked incredibly hard to provide and definitely didn't live off of benefits or the system. Seeing people so quick to make such asinine assumptions upsets me so much along with their other prejudices they have against single parents.

Hi

Your thread really appealed to me - I myself am a single mother and also a third year university student who has decided to focus a dissertation on this very topic!

I feel stigma and prejudice very much still exists today, hence why I felt it would be appropriate to study it in greater depth. I feel society has hidden it underneath the more urgent social equality matters (such as those of sexuality, race, ethnicity and class).

What bothers you most about the things you see publicised in the media about single parents? For me personally, it's that more often than not the publication mentions 'welfare benefits' and/or a young, single mother usually of minority ethnic origin dressed informally- suggesting we are all one of the same breed, not allowing wider society to acknowledge we come from all backgrounds (be it sexuality, race, ethnicity or class).

Thanks for reading :-)

Hello there, I'm glad my topic is one that appeals to you. I hate seeing the hatred and prejudice single parents and particularly mothers get, and also the assumptions so many people make about them without getting the facts straight. There's so many reasons a single mother can be single and most of them are out of her control. What if her husband died (especially common in military and law enforcement families where the male head of the house works in such a profession), what if she got out of an abusive marriage to protect her child/ren and herself, what if the husband walked out and abandoned the family, etc.

There's so many variables. To see people quick to make assumptions saying that single mothers live off of welfare and deliberately keep them away from their father, it's so ignorant and enraging to see. None of this is applicable in my case, where my father walked out of my mother and I not long after I was born and decided he didn't want to be a family man. My mother didn't foresee it coming and didn't want it, and yet she did the best she could with the deck she was dealt. It's so angering to see people quick to judge single mothers and make the assumptions they do about them. And then to see single mothers of all people blamed for things like high crime rates, mass shootings, rapes, etc. and hear people go on about how fatherless children grow up to be criminals and prison inmates... how stupid, ignorant and downright cruel can someone get. I've known of so many people who had traditional mother and father upbringings and have had their fathers present and active in their lives, and still became extremely troubled and problematic individuals who had run-ins with the law and wound up either imprisoned or institutionalized. I know of next to nobody with a single mother upbringing who turned out this way.

Here's a few excellent articles defending single mothers against such ignorance and nonsense. I believe I posted them before here sometime ago, and feel they're definitely worth re-posting:

www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/culture/a28770611/single-mothers-burden-on-society-comment/

www.garyfranklaw.com/2011/02/single-mothers-deserve-praise/

www.garyfranklaw.com/2014/05/single-mothers-are-heroes/

Thinking back to this, haven't there actually been studies conducted showing that children raised by single parents fared no worse than those from two-parent households? Of course, the anti-single parent crowds with their obsessive agenda wouldn't care to hear it and would still be quick to cite outdated and misleading statistics.

1.bp.blogspot.com/-NmRF4mQ4QNk/Xyawo34K8kI/AAAAAAAAAfM/-7D9vEpqbJ0C9EBm_r24PI_tg4UTmsZmQCLcBGAsYHQ/s1600/nationalfatherhoodinitiativefatherabsencecrisis.webp

Garbage like this is what I'm talking about. This is such nonsense, there's numerous people who come from traditional two-parent homes and nuclear families who still wind up doing all of these things. Stats like this can always be warped and manipulated by those with agendas and more often than not are. These statistics don't paint a complete picture, at all.

Well that piece of propaganda doesn’t tell the full story, does it? Poverty? Well yes maybe because the absent father doesn’t stump up the child support. Abuse? May have been at the hands of the absent father. Behavioural problems - maybe the absent father didn’t have the gumption to stick around and try to sort it out - leaving mum to do it ....etc etc. Normally the mums are picking up the pieces for all this stuff. Kids don’t need to be forced to stay with bad fathers - there are plenty of those. The flip side of those “statistics” is that in the vast majority of cases the mums stick around and are a constant, stable, supporting figure. It’s not the single mums they should attack but the absent dads. And families really do not thrive if they are forced to put up with an abusive or even disinterested father living in the household for respectability’s sake.

The statistics are manipulated and misinterpreted by some.

It isn’t single parenthood that’s the issue. It’s the high cost of living (including exorbitant childcare and housing costs) that makes it hard for any family to survive if they are reliant on one income but still have to pay for childcare.

If any government bothered to address those underlying issues the outcomes for all children would improve, regardless of the number of parents.

Lazy stereotypes peddled by the media don’t help either.

@catspyjamas123

Well that piece of propaganda doesn’t tell the full story, does it? Poverty? Well yes maybe because the absent father doesn’t stump up the child support. Abuse? May have been at the hands of the absent father. Behavioural problems - maybe the absent father didn’t have the gumption to stick around and try to sort it out - leaving mum to do it ....etc etc. Normally the mums are picking up the pieces for all this stuff. Kids don’t need to be forced to stay with bad fathers - there are plenty of those. The flip side of those “statistics” is that in the vast majority of cases the mums stick around and are a constant, stable, supporting figure. It’s not the single mums they should attack but the absent dads. And families really do not thrive if they are forced to put up with an abusive or even disinterested father living in the household for respectability’s sake.

You hit the nail on the head there. I never got the logic of why the mother (the parent who actually stayed and is trying her best against unindeal and unwanted circumstances) gets the flack and not the absent father who willfully cut himself out of his family's life. There's numerous variables as to why a parent is single and most of the time it's due to circumstances out of their control, not choice.

I know this is a bit of an older post but I was reminded of it when the other day at a second-hand shop there was an older issue of Reader's Digest magazine from the 90s and they had an article about divorce and brought up the statistics about divorce and single parent homes, etc. the usual diatribe and nonsense levelled against single parents. It made me so angry. Seeing them generalize and make assumptions and cite vague, unreliable statistics. Of course they cited the usual nonsense about how most prison inmates are from single parent homes and people raised in a single parent environment are more prone to delinquent behavior and such. Do people citing this garbage not realize there's still plenty of terrible people who come from two-parent homes and upbringings as well? There's countless terrible people who had traditional two-parent upbringings and yet it did nothing to stop them from turning out the way they did.

I dont worry about these things myself. Once poverty is factored out children from single parent homes have the same outcomes as those from two parent homes. Poverty is what disadvantaged children.

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