Tired Of The Statistics

[Defender87]

I myself am not a parent yet, however I was raised by a single mother and know full well the struggles and challenges so many face. The vast majority of them were put in a bad position they didn't expect or want, be it a bad father who walked out on her and the children (which was my case, unfortunately), the father died, the mother got out of an abusive relationship, etc. and when I see the hatred so many single mothers get and then the usual BS about them it makes me so angry.

I think single parents and especially mothers have it difficult enough with the difficult circumstances so many of them face, and it's bad enough that they often put up with the stigma they do that the overwhelmingly majority don't deserve. But then you've got those who are prejudiced against them who'll always cite statistics and claim things about how children from single mother households and without a father in their lives are more prone to poverty, drug use, more likely to drop out of school and wind up in prison, etc. and claim how the majority of prison inmates hail from single mother households and most mass shooters were fatherless.

I get so sick and fed up of these stereotypes and prejudices. I know I don't fit any of this and the vast majority of people I've known of raised by single mothers don't, either. The most troubled and problematic individuals I've known in my life had traditional two-parent upbringings which obviously did nothing to deter them from their misgivings. When I was going to school, the bullies I had and most of the other troublemaking students, almost all of them had traditional two-parent upbringings and I stuggle to think of any from a single parent home. While it's true single parents are more likely to live in poverty it's not a cause and I've known of plenty of traditional two-parent families that struggle financially and are dysfunctional, and almost every single parent family I've known of has never been dysfunctional. And with the statistics that those prejudiced against single mothers often cite, there's just far too many variables to take into account for them to be reliable and they don't represent every single person of the demographics. Not to mention statistics can often be warped and misrepresented by those with agendas (which a lot of the anti-single parent crowd definitely tend to have much of the time, being so obsessed with the idea of traditional families).

I may have rambled a bit there but I'm really tired of hearing about the statistics and stereotypes from people who are so judgmental and close-minded. The overwhelmingly vast majority of single parents and people from single parent upbringings I know of don't fit the description and the users here sure don't. I've known of no bad person who had a single parent upbringing and know plenty of unsavory types who had traditional upbringings. I'm sure I'm not the only one here fed up with the judgment. Things like statistics don't always paint a complete picture and more often than not don't.

That's true, but what I don't like is how single parent bashers usually cite that the single parent environment is a risk factor for a child becoming a delinquent and fearmongering about how the majority of prison inmates come from single parent homes. It's ignorant and it also overlooks other factors, but they act like this is solely it.

Yes, I agree. I think the fear and stigma surrounding single parent homes makes a lot of women stay in abusive homes. Out of this idea that a single parent home is 'broken'.

Single parent haters often cite the statistics saying the majority of criminals come from single mother homes and that single mother homes produce criminals, but they forget plenty of criminals still come from traditional two-parent homes as well and it takes more than just both a mother and father. The child in question has to be raised and taught well, and bad parenting can definitely exist in two-parent homes. I can't begin to tell you how many people I've known of who hail from two-parent homes and know their fathers and were still all sorts of trouble. It's ignorant to think a lack of a father alone causes criminal or delinquent behavior when there's other factors not taken into account. The fact plenty of terrible people still come from two-parent upbringings shoots down the whole argument right there. I mean here in the U.S. with the recent Michigan school shooting, the shooter not only knew his father, but his father even gave him the gun he used! So much for the fatherless argument the single mother bashers like to constantly spew.

Also forgot to say that the statistics also tend to leave out a lot of potentially important information. What about motherless homes? Do the inmates who hail from single mother homes still know their father and have contact with him? Do any inmates from single mother homes know their father before and had a bad or even abusive relationship with him and they picked up his bad attitude and behavior traits even when he was out of the picture? Is a fatherless home actually fatherless or is the father merely not in touch with the family? What about what's going on in the schools or at work? Just too much vague information and too much we don't know to take it all at face value. But too often people look at these statistics and think "Indeed, the lack of a father is why our crime rates are so high." Which again brings up my point about how plenty of criminals and other terrible people still come from traditional two-parent homes. I can actually name numerous specific examples, whereas single mother bashers will usually just cite the statistics over and over.

People do have many hang ups towards single mothers. Namely:

1. Cannot possibly cope on their own;
2. Do not have a proper family;
3. Must want/need a man sharpish;
4. Cannot possibly be happy single and independent.
5. Lack male 'role models'.

I have heard these things first hand. All totally untrue assumptions about me and ds.

Yes society has a problem with it.

Indeed society does, and it's worse when it continues to overlook and brush aside the actual issue of the absent and deadbeat fathers, and holds the single mothers accountable as if that was something they wanted or planned for. As well as ignoring the fact a person can still turn out terrible in a two-parent home and plenty of criminals and such also come from traditional nuclear families. Yet they act like a nuclear family is always a deterrent for crime.

Another thing I hate is the assumption a single mother is single because she doesn't think her child/ren needs a father. What about fathers who abandon or become abusive or develop bad habits like drug addiction? Life happens and the man or women you married you thought would be a good person to start a family with turns out to not be as such. My mother actually tried to have my father stay as she didn't want me to grow up not having that adult male figure absent but unfortunately he elected not to stay and be a responsible father. And there's definitely instances where it's the other way around, a good father having to raise a child on his own when a bad mother neglects her duties. Single parents have many reasons for being single and the vast majority of the time most don't plan for it or want it.

I’m going to go against the grain of this thread. I was brought up by a single mother, dropped out of school and had a teen pregnancy. Other than prison, I fit the statistics- so they absolutely do occur.

However, I would say it was more the environment I was living in that caused these issues rather than just being a child of a single parent. My mum is incredibly intelligent and offered a great deal of emotional support growing up, This In turn helped me turn my life around once I had my daughter.

I went back to college, then university and Now have a masters degree. I am married, have a mortgage and we are in the top 5% of earners (stereotypically we are living the middle class dream).

I think the issue is, when single mothers are living in poverty, they can fall into a certain life style which creates an environment that creates higher statistics for these outcomes.

My mum is an amazing mum and although we all faced the challenges of poverty ect, she gave us enough emotional tools to overcome all the challenges and become who we are today. If you met me now, you would probably assume I am a child of a ‘conventional’ middle class family.

I think in my families situation, education was the key to overcoming the ‘statistics’. My mum went to university when I did (after much convincing that it is never too late) and is now more senior than I am.

I think a families education level plays a huge role in predicting outcomes of children from single mothers.

@User310

I’m going to go against the grain of this thread. I was brought up by a single mother, dropped out of school and had a teen pregnancy. Other than prison, I fit the statistics- so they absolutely do occur.

However, I would say it was more the environment I was living in that caused these issues rather than just being a child of a single parent. My mum is incredibly intelligent and offered a great deal of emotional support growing up, This In turn helped me turn my life around once I had my daughter.

I went back to college, then university and Now have a masters degree. I am married, have a mortgage and we are in the top 5% of earners (stereotypically we are living the middle class dream).

I think the issue is, when single mothers are living in poverty, they can fall into a certain life style which creates an environment that creates higher statistics for these outcomes.

My mum is an amazing mum and although we all faced the challenges of poverty ect, she gave us enough emotional tools to overcome all the challenges and become who we are today. If you met me now, you would probably assume I am a child of a ‘conventional’ middle class family.

I think in my families situation, education was the key to overcoming the ‘statistics’. My mum went to university when I did (after much convincing that it is never too late) and is now more senior than I am.

I think a families education level plays a huge role in predicting outcomes of children from single mothers.

"I think the issue is, when single mothers are living in poverty, they can fall into a certain life style which creates an environment that creates higher statistics for these outcomes."

I think by statistics there you mean chance, because yes admittedly single parents are more prone to poverty which in turn can make them more vulnerable to some of these statistics. But as you also said, it isn't single parenthood itself that's a catalyst for some of these statistics but the way one is raised and educated by said parents. And a child can definitely be poorly raised and educated in either a single or two-parent homes, it's all dependent on the parents in question. And as you said, environment is also a massive factor, and a two-parent home can also be a negative, non-productive environment. Single parent homes admittedly can be more vulnerable but not due to single parenthood itself. Children of single parents may also be in a bad school environment which can also be a harmful influence on them, and be more of a factor in them being troubled rather than being raised by a single parent. A child from a single parent home who's regularly bullied and mistreated at school, isn't getting proper support and encouragement from the staff, etc. can be very at risk of falling into some bad behavior or traits. I'm well-aware of this because this was something I frequently experienced back then when I was going to school. A single parent child can be more exposed to their school influence rather than their parent's and as a result can start taking a downward spiral, not having enough parental influence and guidance.

I think the problem with these statistics is the overgeneralization and exagerration that single parenthood and fatherlessness alone is a stepping stone for things like dropping out of school, drug use, incarceration, high crime rates, etc. while ignoring the fact there's still a significant number of people from two-parent homes who still get involved with this and are still troubled individuals. It's the quality of the parenting that's ultimately what's vital, and a child can be be raised very poorly in either a single or two-parent home. A single parent has far more on his/her plate between working and trying to spend time with his/her kids.

You're very lucky to have had such a good mother and I think ultimately that's things turned out fine in the end. You yourself seem like a great mother and one your child is lucky to have. You'll never know how things may have been had your father been around, but they may have been no different at all and you'll never know if a bad, unfit father may have actually made things worse. But to say being fatherless is an automatic catalyst for things like juvenile delinquency and winding up in prison is definitely an exagerration and also insulting to single mothers trying their best against unwanted, trying circumstances. Especially when so many rotten kids I've known come from two-parent homes and it's obvious both of their parents did a lousy job raising them. It's how you're raised that matters, not how many are raising toy.