Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Will a court order my children be separated?

31 replies

clpsmum · 04/08/2020 20:44

My stbxh is very awkward and had lots of problems with him. Upon my solicitors advice I stopped him from seeing our three children to try and force him to put an access agreement in place. There is a backstory but I won't bore you with it!

What he is proposing is having two children on a Friday night and one on a Saturday meaning I'll never get a full weekend with my three children and they so t get a full weekend together. I don't want this. Is a court likely to enforce it? He reason is he thinks his accommodation is two small to have all three children one night a week.

OP posts:
Lizadork · 04/08/2020 21:14

Doubt that could be enforced because unfair you never get any weekend time with all children and that they are split up missing bond time with each other (looking like one gets special treatment of more 1 to 1 with each parent unless children rotated so each have a turn at being the one child for the saturday). Could be abusive never letting you have any free time.

Russell19 · 04/08/2020 21:16

No experience exactly but doubt this would happen. Sounds really unreasonable.

Embracelife · 04/08/2020 21:17

How big is his flat and how big are the children? One night a week even one room studio is feasible

carly2803 · 04/08/2020 21:36

thats completely rediculous of him

i would not also let him have a day every weekend - every other weekend is reasonable, so he dosent have every fun day with the kids.

they need to stay together= all or nothing!

Feralkidsatthecampsite · 04/08/2020 21:39

Ime your ex will be expected to have all dc together.. Cafcass tried to make me agree to my exh having MY dc alongside OUR dc as sibling relationships are held in very high regard.

morethanmeetstheeye · 04/08/2020 22:00

He sounds like a controlling arsehole. So, with his plan you'd never get any child-free nights either. I doubt they'd agree and you can make it clear you don't agree

Original poster
clpsmum · 05/08/2020 09:47

Yes he is a controlling arsehole tbh. This is definitely motivated to work so that I never have a child free night. He has a one bedroom flat and is saying even though it's not been a problem for the last two and a half years the DC are bigger now and he can't have them all together.

If I agree to his proposal, which I really don't want to and am not planning to, it means I never get all three of my DC together at the weekend and they never get to be together at the weekend. He is very confident and seems to think if he takes me to court the judge will just let him do whatever he wants. I'm panicking slightly tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
clpsmum · 05/08/2020 09:49

@Embracelife he has a one bedroom flat so it's not huge but it is only one night a week

OP posts:
Original poster
clpsmum · 05/08/2020 09:50

@Lizadork no not planning on rotating them. He wants the youngest on own on a Saturday to ensure that on my nights I can't leave him alone and do anything

OP posts:
RedRumTheHorse · 05/08/2020 09:52

How old are the children?

It will be expected that he has the children as a group as they need to maintain their relationships with each other and him.

The only exemption would be is if one or more of them is a teenager, as the teen can turn around and say "I am not doing that" and can't be forced.

Original poster
clpsmum · 05/08/2020 09:57

They are 9, 11 and 14 they are not sure if they even want to go at all tbh

OP posts:
Feralkidsatthecampsite · 05/08/2020 10:47

Let it go to court. I left the fmh and had to show the dc all had their own beds in my new place. Cafcass had a good nose around!!
Not necessarily own room but own bed and storage for their own personal belongings.

Embracelife · 05/08/2020 11:17

What do dc want?
I can see that 14 yr old may want to do own thing but 9 and 11 should go together.
14 yr old you can leave home alone anyway if you want to go out
But 9 and 11 can have opinions.

Original poster
clpsmum · 05/08/2020 11:59

The DC are not sure what they want tbh they are very confused. He wants to have 14yo and 11yo together and the 9yo on his own. They don't all have their own beds at his place so I'm guessing that will reinforce what he is saying that the place is not big enough to have them all together.

OP posts:
Original poster
clpsmum · 05/08/2020 12:01

It's a horrible situation. I don't want the children not to have a relationship with their dad but I also don't want him controlling me and dictating my life

OP posts:
midnightstar66 · 05/08/2020 12:03

Well my ex was refused every weekend because it wound mean no weekend for me. I also don't think splitting dc will be beneficial in anyway apart from convenient to him which isn't what the court is looking at at all. It also seems dreadfully unfair on the dc who goes alone. I can't see a court supporting this.

RedRumTheHorse · 05/08/2020 13:26

Emm no.

He would need to have the 9 and 11 year old together, and the 14 year old can choose when they go. This can be with the 9 and 11 year old, on their own or not at all.

You need to stick up for your 14 year old by making it clear due to their age if they do not want to see their father when scheduled they must not be forced to.

With the other two, ,9 and 11, ask for every other weekend. So they get to spend time with both parents on the weekend.

Light11 · 05/08/2020 14:51

I second what @RedRumTheHorse is suggesting, very good response.

I don’t like the idea of one child being separated from the group what if the one that is separated gets picked on ?

And you do deserve a break don’t concede to this request it seems extremely selfish on his part

RedRumTheHorse · 05/08/2020 15:03

I wouldn't argue on the point that you need a break or what is easiest for him, I would argue on the point that this is all in the children's best interests.

If he hasn't got enough beds for all 3 children then he can get a temporary bed for himself and sort out sleeping arrangements by sex when they are there.

Original poster
clpsmum · 05/08/2020 20:41

No I won't argue about what is best for me or him. That is secondary to what is best for the kids. It's worrying me so much tbh because as much as he misses them he is more interested in hurting me than seeing them it's a horrible situation. I am trying to do what is best for my DC and hoping that I am doing the right thing. It's so hard. I moved here to be with him and start a family and no we are separated I have no family or friends or support close by which makes it hard

OP posts:
Original poster
clpsmum · 05/08/2020 20:42

Tbh all three DC are same sex he could make it exciting and get a blow up mattress and camp in living room once a week or whatever tbh. If it was me and a choice of seeing them or not I would do whatever it took to see them and make do once a week

OP posts:
FourPlasticRings · 05/08/2020 20:47

Let him take it to court. I reckon he'll have a rude awakening.

Embracelife · 06/08/2020 00:11

You can't get in his head.

Let it go to court.

But do not say "he did he does.."

Always bring it back to

It is best for the children to...
The children need...

So what do they need and why?

Original poster
clpsmum · 07/08/2020 11:19

It's just so tricky. I am trying my hardest to do what is right for the children and what's in their best interest. I don't want them not to have a relationship with their dad it's sad

OP posts:
Feralkidsatthecampsite · 07/08/2020 11:26

Imo you need to remove any responsibility you feel towards 'managing /maintaining' a relationship between your dc and their df.
If he fails them that's on him. They won't be any worse off that dealing with his current attitude will they?
They need 1 decent parent.
And they have you op. More than enough.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread