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Original poster

Taking son on holiday

31 replies

Nanny15 · 06/07/2020 17:48

im taking my son away for a few days, my ex is demanding to know where. It doesnt interfere with his contact at all, do i have to tell him??

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 06/07/2020 19:18

IS there a reason why you don't want him to know? Just wondering why you mentioned it at all if you didn’t want him to know where and it doesn’t effect contact. Is your son old enough that he could just ask him?

purpleme12 · 06/07/2020 19:22

I'm not sure but I think I'd just tell him otherwise it's just like you're being a bit difficult really isn't it
Unless there's some enormous backstory coming

Starlightstarbright1 · 06/07/2020 19:24

I think these things can come back and bite you on the bum.

You don’t have to say we are staying at cherry tree cottage, we are off to Blackpool or wherever .

If you don’t wait till the shoe is on the other foot

OhioOhioOhio · 06/07/2020 19:26

Next time don't tell your son til you are just about going. My xh doesn't say before or after . I say afterwards. Massive back story here.

midnightstar66 · 06/07/2020 19:50

Courts would say yes. I have to provide travel dates, destination and accommodation to exp as a condition of any foreign travel, and I have a non harassment order against him. My friends with CO's have similar.

anyoldname76 · 06/07/2020 19:53

Unless there's a backstory I'd tell him, surely you'd want to know if it was him taking your DC on holiday

Doyoumind · 06/07/2020 19:59

Courts don't say you have to unless a party has requested it. There isn't a requirement to tell your ex what is happening during your time. Tell him what you are comfortable with. My back story means I am unwilling to tell my ex too much.

Spied · 06/07/2020 20:02

Would you want to know where your ex is taking your son?

Doyoumind · 06/07/2020 20:03

If you are listed as resident parent on a CAO you can take children abroad for up to 28 days without obtaining permission.

Jazzled · 06/07/2020 20:03

Well yes, If i had valid reason to not want my ex to know exactly where were going I'd give a broad answer such as going up North, going down the the borders etc.

Is there a reason you don't want him to know? In future just keep schtum if you really don't want him to know.

Jazzled · 06/07/2020 20:06

If its abroad at this time during this climate I would say you really should unless there really is a very good reason not to do so.

Right now I would try and block any foreign travel plans for my children though.

midnightstar66 · 06/07/2020 20:12

If you are listed as resident parent on a CAO you can take children abroad for up to 28 days without obtaining permission.

Mine states this however also states I have to provide all travel details to ex a month beforehand.

Muppetry76 · 06/07/2020 20:24

My ex refused permission to take my kids to Spain. I applied for a Specific Issues Order which the judge changed to a residency order with me as resident parent. He told me that I don't have to tell my ex where I'm going 'but it might be the best way to keep things as amicable as possible'.

I'm not sure the same applies to a CAO, perhaps things have changed in the last 8 years. Ask on the wikivorce website.

carly2803 · 06/07/2020 20:46

i would.
unless he is a danger i think its a really dick move not to tell him

Put yourself in his shoes, you would want to know ?!

iknow i would

carly2803 · 06/07/2020 20:46

i would.
unless he is a danger i think its a really dick move not to tell him

Put yourself in his shoes, you would want to know ?!

iknow i would

Original poster
Nanny15 · 06/07/2020 23:06

There is a back story, contact order in place he has ds twice a week for 6 hours a day no overnights, when he has him i dont ask anything, im not goimg abroad its just a break the only reason he knows is because he asked for extra days, there was domestic violence (mentally) we meet in public for handovers, no contact other than email as he harrases me. He messages all the time asking what we are upto, i ignore messages and my solicitor has sent a letter to tell him to.stop or we will take it further. If i was going abroad then yes obv i would ask him as it would interupt with his contact time. Its a 3 days away on my time.

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 06/07/2020 23:14

You don't need to tell him. He is just using this to control you. It is hard but you need to start setting boundaries and don't be swayed by him making out you are being unreasonable. Whatever you do, he will always say you are unreasonable. You have a right not to be contacted continually. You have a right to your own life. People who are telling you he should know have not been in this situation.

I left my abusive ex a long time ago but still have to be careful what information makes its way to him because he will always find a way to cause trouble.

PumpkinP · 06/07/2020 23:17

People who are telling you he should know have not been in this situation.

Well it would have helped if the op didn’t drip feed! The responses would have been different.

In that case op just don’t tell him you’re going away in future not sure why you did this time tbh.

Original poster
Nanny15 · 06/07/2020 23:21

@Doyoumind thank you, sounds just like my situation. When i have ds i dont contact him unless its about his medical needs, schooling etc like stated with his parental responsibilities, its him that messages me silly things like tellimg me what hes got him for christmas. I dont respond i dont care. As long as ds is ok in his care its all i care about. Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Nanny15 · 06/07/2020 23:24

@pumpkinP as stated he asked for extra days i said no we are away. I didnt drip feed at all. I asked a question i got different answers tht have clarified what i thought anyway. I asked for advice not to be judged by yourself Smile

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 06/07/2020 23:26

I don't think that PumpkinP has judged you at all
Saying you drip fed isn't judging you

Original poster
Nanny15 · 06/07/2020 23:28

Well now you know the back story.

OP posts:
PumpkinP · 06/07/2020 23:37

Who is judging you? You’ve been asked by several posters if there is a back story as on the face of it it does look you were just being difficult. Anyway not everyone is judging you so try to not be so paranoid.

Original poster
Nanny15 · 06/07/2020 23:41

And i have now replied with the backstory, so i now await the replies to that 😁

OP posts:
Bridecilla · 06/07/2020 23:44

Easier all round just to tell him. Not the exact hotel or anything but I can't see how it's easier to battle than to say 'we're off to Scarborough' or wherever