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Lone parents

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Original poster

help me please

26 replies

helpmestaystrong · 26/09/2007 18:51

I have just thrown my long term boyfriend out we have been together 10 years during the realtionship it has been abusive and violent I have been made to feel it was my fault however during the past month I have started realising i'm not in the wrong
anyway all month I have been throwing him out only to ring him up to come back
Tonight I have done it and he has been gone almost 2 hours I'm so scared I'll ring him or start worrying where he is
please please help me

OP posts:
Alambil · 26/09/2007 18:58

oh wow, how brave of you!! doing this is SUCH a big step

we will help you stay strong... just think of all the times you won't have to worry about what you said or did or what mood he may be in when he wakes up or comes home

I escaped abuse too - you are amazing - keep reminding yourself of that truth

Original poster
helpmestaystrong · 26/09/2007 18:59

I'm so scared I know im doing the right thing I dont want my dc to end up in this cycle
I just feel sick to the stomuch

OP posts:
Ulysees · 26/09/2007 18:59

Well you know he;s waiting for the call.
I hope you can be stronger this time and not make that call hun.
No one can stop you sadly, you have to do it yourself. Who do you have in RL supporting you?
Maybe you could make an appointment with Relate alone so they can help you see how destructive this relationship is?

Alambil · 26/09/2007 19:01

Relate or Womens Aid

what are you scared of? ringing him?

Original poster
helpmestaystrong · 26/09/2007 19:01

I have noone in rl everyone thinks he is perfect

OP posts:
Original poster
helpmestaystrong · 26/09/2007 19:02

I'm just tired of the same old stuff day in day out I feel like a bloody jeremy kyle episode

OP posts:
Ulysees · 26/09/2007 19:06

So your family think he is perfect? Have you ever told anyone about the abuse?

katylui1 · 26/09/2007 19:10

Tell someone - I was abused for 2 years (pre-kids). I only summoned up the strength to leave for good when I told my family. Once they knew, I knew they wouldn't let me go back to him.

You CAN do it...and it'll be the best thing you ever did...

lou33 · 26/09/2007 19:11

do they think he is perfect because they dont know what he is like to you?

Lorayn · 26/09/2007 19:12

helpmesaystrong I ended an abusive relationship just over 2 years ago, I always felt like I couldnt do it, because my mates said I was overreacting.
You are not in the wrong for wanting to be happy and not to be abused.
I'm sure there are many other people on here that have ended bad relationships, please keep posting and we can be your support network!!!

Scootergrrrl · 26/09/2007 19:12

You've done the hardest bit - if you let him back now, he'll think he can treat you just as he wants and get away with it. Keep telling yourself that you're so much better than that.

How old are the dcs? Do it for their sake, as well as yours.

STAY STRONG!!!

barefeete · 26/09/2007 19:14

Well done, bigs hugs.

Can you get a friend around?

Original poster
helpmestaystrong · 26/09/2007 19:19

Thanx for the support I dont really have any close friends and my family knew that there was some violence a few years ago but they think it's all been sorted out now

My eldest is 10 and the youngest is almost 2
he has just been back but I didn't answer the door

OP posts:
Scootergrrrl · 26/09/2007 19:20

Just keep thinking whether you want your DCs to grow up with someone like that in their lives. And well done (again)!

fransmom · 26/09/2007 19:21

hi sweetheart
(((((((((((helpmestaystrong)))))))))))))))))

i am in a similar situation to you and i have to tell dp tonight that i no longer love him. he is in same room as i type this, watching tv with dd.

please don't go back sweetheart. fmx

katylui1 · 26/09/2007 19:21

Well done, you can do it - why don't you tell someone now??

lou33 · 26/09/2007 19:21

you need to tell your family

they will help you

they will be shocked but i bet they rally round

Lorayn · 26/09/2007 19:23

Don't answer the door, it is amazing how much resolve you get after a few days of doing it alone, remember, there are times you will be lonely, but you must not be treated like dirt instead of being alone.
xxx

almostmidnight · 26/09/2007 19:50

Dear helpmestaystrong, I cannot begin to understand what you have been through but all I can do is send you hugs and tell you life does get easier being a single parent. You can do it

Invisablegirl · 26/09/2007 19:57

Helpme,
i agree with Lorayn
I "walked" away 4 years ago, my RL friends thought he was perfect. Please stay strong.

tetti · 26/09/2007 21:49

Your ex partner being abusive was never your fault.You are worth someone who will treat you well darling,don't ever forget that.We will all support you,stay strong.xx

chikenmother · 26/09/2007 21:58

Helpeme, don´t give up if you decide to let him go. Sometimes men can manipulate us so much that we loso our self-respect. Courage, you need to be brave and understand no-one (NO ONE) has the right to hurt or abuse you. We all support you. Wemen do it.

3andnomore · 26/09/2007 22:04

Helpme...I have never been in yoru situation, but wanted to tell you, that I think you are really brave and I hope you can stay strong...remind yourself, when you feel that you want to call him, just what he has done to you...life can only get better.
Just think, once this is over, you will feel free and your children won't have to suffer (even if he doesn't physically abuses them or anything....but seeing you being abused can't be good for your KIds...which you obviosly already know and realise)

YOu deserve someone who treats you well and with respect and loves you as you are.

tortoise · 26/09/2007 22:09

You are doing the right thing. And being so brave to do it too. just remember the bad times when you are tempted to phone him.

I had a simular experience but my xp was hitting my DS1 not me. Have learnt since that he used emotional abuse on me.
I wasn't as brave as you.Ended up losing my DS1 and DS2 for a year while i got xp out through court and proved to everyone involved that i would never take him back. i did it and have my DS's home with me where they belong.
Good luck and stay strong.

Lorayn · 27/09/2007 08:07

helpmestaystrong, what sex are your children??

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