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Lone parents

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Original poster

right i need support and an action plan please

41 replies

muma3 · 24/09/2007 10:24

it is over i have to deal with it. i cant go on thinking he will come running . he isnt going to . i will have to keep saying this every day.

i need a plan to get me through this shit shit shit shit time.

i have an appointment on friday for new claim for IS and lone parent interview.

i want to get into work one day and have a decent rest of lonely life. wouldnt mind driving but its money all the time. i need you guys to push me into a plan of hat to do with the rest of my days. i cant see a future. i NEVER want another man ever so that isnt an option . i just dont know what to do with myself now.

help??

OP posts:
KerryMum · 24/09/2007 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

almostmidnight · 24/09/2007 11:26

Hey muma3. Just left you a message on "what did you do first thread". Please hang on in there. This site is fabulous for support. All the single mums (and dads) helped me loads when it first happened. I had been married for 15 years so it was a shock for me.

Don't come on as much as I used to, simply cos having fun chatting with friends online and being chatted up by a guy online, even though I know it won't go anywhere.

In a few months you will be a whole new person. I will keep an eye out for you on the discussions and see how you are doing.

It feels so different for me to be on here now being the one trying to help others. You will be exactly the same soon, helping the new lone parents out with advice you found helped you.

Take care and big hugs

Debra1981 · 24/09/2007 11:44

i found the job centre staff really sympathetic when i first became a lone parent, and they still are. They shouldn't push you into work cos they know its hard with lo's in tow, it's hard enough getting into a new routine on your own without work, but they should be able to offer plenty of info about local courses to help you in a new career, when you are ready. Don't panic, don't rush, and give yourself plenty of time to be upset and angry and to put it bluntly but truely, 'get over it'. AM is right, though things feel really dark now, you'll feel so much different in a few months time, whether or not you are in work, you'll learn to be yourself again, not someone's better but mistreated half. Vent on here any time you need to, cos it does help, and we've all been through it so we won't think you're being petty. And everyone's had different experiences, so whatever you're problem, there's bound to be someone on here who can help with advice, and those who can't are here to support you. Though you can't see it right now, there is always 'light at the end of the tunnel'! You will be OK!

Original poster
muma3 · 24/09/2007 12:50

im still wondering if i will be better off with just maintenance and not getting IS. dd1 dad owes a bit and payments are £227 a monthwith £145 for dd2 and childbenefit £167 , need to discuss with exp how much he is willing to part with each month yet
rent is £70 a week abd council tax £80 a month
what does anyone think?

OP posts:
Paulatwinmum · 24/09/2007 13:06

i am a single mum of twins-they are 16 months now. i work 3 1/2 days per week. i went back to work when my DD's were 7 months at 3 days p/w and have only just gone up extra half day. WTC covers my childcare (£1000 pm)and this includes a lone parent payment too. i have been single since i found out i was pregnant so i have done everything on my own - just thought positive. he was useless anyway at least he is absent and useless - but that minute he starts giving me hassle i am going straight to CSA.

i never saw anyone when i first claimed these things - it was word of mouth, friends and family etc - they were great.

Think positive - forward not backwards!!!! i only started going out when my DD's were 1. i never want another man but i have to tell you i went out last Sat night pulled a man 10 years my junior (i am 34) snogged him and went home on my own - it felt great!!!!!! it is nice to know that you still have the touch.

almostmidnight · 24/09/2007 13:07

I don't qualify for income support because husband paying money into my bank each month. Don't think I like the benefits people keeping too much of a tab on me anyway. What I do with my money is my business. I don't work at the moment. Have you claimed child tax credit. I get just over £80 a week for two children. Ex thinks it is £80 a month so I'm not telling if you don't. It's really easy to claim, you can do it over the phone with them or they will send a form.

Original poster
muma3 · 24/09/2007 15:47

can i get housing benefit and ctc on a low income or do i have to claim income support??

OP posts:
almostmidnight · 24/09/2007 16:51

You should be able to. I have put in a claim. Can't afford to rent otherwise. Child tax credit is there for all single parents as far as I know. We used to get £40 a month ctc when we were still together. It has gone up to £80 a week now I am single. That is for 2 children so you would get more if you have 3. When you apply for them you may also get vouchers from the NHS towards fruit and veg and milk, if your income is under £10,000 a year I think. About £2.50 a week per child so I get about £22.50's worth a month. They sent me the application form automatically doing the ctc. Speak to your Health Visitor as they should know about it as they have to sign the form. You also get NHS exemption certificate through the tax credits. Means you don't pay for prescriptions, dentist etc but this should be sent automatically too after claiming tax credits.

Original poster
muma3 · 24/09/2007 18:18

well i get £539 pm without money from exp, i should still get housing benefit and ctc shouldnt i?? i really dont to claim IS if i dont have to. i dont want tabs kept on me . would like to work sometimes if i can. like to have a bit of independance from ex-p and DWP.i dont mind paying for rent and council tax aslong as i can afford luxurys like sky and of course internet for MN.

OP posts:
Original poster
muma3 · 24/09/2007 18:51

been told dont take into account child maintanance or child benefit for child tax credits . she said i shold get £116 a week.

just hope i can get housing benefit???

OP posts:
Original poster
muma3 · 24/09/2007 18:55

si im looking at
£502 a month for child tax
£145 child maintanance for dd2
£227 child maintanance for dd1
£167 for child benefit
£1041 in total

  • 300 a month for rent
  • 80 for council tax =661 a month to live on ??

how does that sound???

OP posts:
vacua · 24/09/2007 18:55

I don't know about benefits but I just wanted to wish you well and say that I've honestly never ever looked back or regretted splitting up with my husband 13 yrs ago. Our lives are so much better and yours will be too. Lots of luck x x x

Original poster
muma3 · 24/09/2007 18:56

thats without child maintance for dd3 and no housing benefit/council tax benefit???

OP posts:
Original poster
muma3 · 24/09/2007 18:57

thank you soooo much. im trying to be positive but i cant see any light right now.
thanks

OP posts:
Tinkerbel5 · 24/09/2007 19:43

muma3 you might be able to claim a housing benefit top up and maybe possibly a little amount of ctc, look at this site

www.entitledto.co.uk

your child tax credit looks to high, are you going to be claiming for childcare ?

Original poster
muma3 · 24/09/2007 19:56

no , thats claiming with no income. like i said she told me they dont count maintainance or child benefit and thats all i get. so really to them i have no other income. prob why high?
just need to find out about housing benefit now and i think i could cope

OP posts:
almostmidnight · 24/09/2007 20:21

You should get some housing benefit and council tax benefit. That all goes on what maintenance you get. The more your given the less benefits you get. Go through that entitled to link. It's not perfectly accurate but will give you an idea. I put in a couple of calculations based on the maintenance I do get and another for getting more maintenance to see what the difference would be.

Child tax credit doesn't sound too high as I get £330 nearly a four week month for 2 kids. An extra £82 if it lands on a five week month for the day you get it paid. Get mine every Thursday.

Hope some of this is helping. Everyone is different when it comes to benefits. If you are getting maintenance then I doubt you will get income support but I may be wrong.

Original poster
muma3 · 24/09/2007 20:44

i could get IS but id rather keep maintenance and pay rent (or get it reduced as i would be better off and be a bit more free imo.

are you sure housing benefit is calculated on maintenance? im sure ill get help. i bloody hope so. ill phone tmw.

he is giving me the impression he has left to gather money together. told my friend that he will come back and romance me but when he has been away a while. money doesnt make the world go round love does and mine has stipped spinning right now.
the arse

let you know what they say tmw.
thanks for all the help
this is hard to tell all about my money , isnt it? glad you could all help though

OP posts:
Tinkerbel5 · 25/09/2007 09:50

muma3 I think you would be better off working part time and taking the maintance, BUT, if for any reason your ex stops the maintenace or doesnt pay on time then you will be stuck and it can take a good 4 weeks to get IS. Housing and council tax benefit are both means tested benefits so any money you have coming in can possibly reduce it, I dont think you will get a lot of council tax benefit, but you could possibly get up to half of your rent paid, even if you dont with the figures quoted above you will more than manage, best bet is to write down all your outgoings then take them away from you incomings, that should give you a rough idea of how much money have to play around with.

Original poster
muma3 · 25/09/2007 10:48

can i write it down here?? thenyou can let me know if it sounds ok and if i have forgotten something??

OP posts:
Original poster
muma3 · 25/09/2007 10:49

i can get £ 51 a week paid off rent which leaves me £24 to find and CT is £16 and they will pay £10.63 so £6 to find so roughly a month ill be looking at £120 !!

OP posts:
Tinkerbel5 · 25/09/2007 13:35

if you want to put it here you can

Tinkerbel5 · 25/09/2007 13:36

forgot to say that you can chose to have your child benefit and child tax credits paid weekly if it helps you

Original poster
muma3 · 25/09/2007 17:40

bloody effing arsehole

he doesnt have to pay
rent 350
council tax 80
gas 40
elec 40
sky 36
bt 11
water 50
brownies 20
tv l 12
so around £600 this month as he has left.
just bloody asked if he can pay £50 next week when he gets paid as we have only been apart 2 weeks !!!!!
so £50 in 6 weeks ill get from him for his daughter. i just told him to stick it up his arse.

he has left me with a £950 debt and got a court letter
he wants £250 for my last 2 mobile phone bills
and £30 a week for a loan that i got in my name as he had maxed his limit out (may i add i never saw a penny !!!)

AND THEN SAYS IM BEING UNREASONABLE FOR GETTING A ALOT LITTLE ANGRY !!

why??

OP posts:
Tinkerbel5 · 25/09/2007 18:49

It will be tight for you, but if you put a claim in for HB & CTB asap then you should get something to keep you afloat, dont give him any money he can swim for the mobile bills, as for the debts can you prove that it was for him ? it could help you if it went legal, I dont see how you are going to pay off his debts, I think you should speak to someone at the CAB and get legal advise, there might be a way of transfering the debt to him.