Where will I stay?

[dad508]

I haven't saw my daughter since lockdown began. She is just a baby and there is 4 hours between where we live so visiting makes it hard as either I drive 4 hours there and 4 hours back in the one day or don't go at all as there is no hotels or anything open for me to stay in overnight. Her mum says I should have at least done the 4 hour drive there and 4 hour drive back at Least once or twice during all of this to see her but my family have been telling me not to go as that drive in one day is too long. Would you take my approach or my child's mother? Or any other approach?

You did not give us your approach.
Only your DC mothers.

If you want to see your daughter you’re going to have to do it. Can you get an Airbnb room somewhere? Can you go to the next town and find somewhere there? You are going to have to plan in advance and book somewhere to stay. Are you expecting her to drive 4 hours with a baby to see you? You are in the easier position to do this.

Oh sorry I forgot there’s no hotels open. Maybe someone else in this position can be more helpful.

I agree with the mother of your child tbh. Yes it’s a long journey but you get to see your baby. So you haven’t seen them since they were a month old? I don’t know any decent father that wouldn’t be willing to do that drive to see their baby.
Yes it’s a long journey but you leave at 6am, see your child, rest and travel back late evening. I used to do 6 hours round trip
For work I don’t see why you wouldn’t do this to see your baby.

Well atleast you are not like my ex who use to think because it was a 4 hour round trip he needed to stay over at my house

Anyway yes I do think you could have made an effort a couple of times.

How old is the baby/child? Could they meet an hour from theirs and therefore help cut your journey time? You'd still have to socially distant now anyway, so its not like you could have cuddles. Do you know anyone in the vicinity where you could pitch a tent in their garden for the night?

Starting early, before sunrise, you'd get there by mid morning. A few hours rest, then travel back. We've done London to Inverness in 1 day several times, but admittedly, there are 2 of us sharing the drive (although DH does 80% of it sometimes).

Yes you should go. Do you actually want to OP? I’ve travelled to London before for the day I set off early morning with my DC bit of a faff and it was tiring but it was doable and worth it. Needs must

I regularly drive 3.5 hrs each way in one day for medical appointments for my child. It’s perfectly doable.

Sleep in the car

I think it’s perfectly driveable personally. Have a little nap in your car before you come back, or half way back in a service station if you feel tired.

Meant to say, why does she live so far away? Who moved? Have you been able to FaceTime or anything while you’ve not seen her?

but my family have been telling me not to go as that drive in one day is too long.

Are you a toddler? Why would a 4 hour journey, a long break and then a 4 hour journey be too much for a grown man?

Is train an option? Might be quicker and you could rest.

Yes you should have at least done it once every 3 weeks or so. IMO. If you're really exhausted you could nap in the car before driving back but 8 hours driving in a day on occasion isn't that bad. Alternatively coach or train.

Her mum says I should have at least done the 4 hour drive there and 4 hour drive back at Least once or twice during all of this to see her but my family have been telling me not to go as that drive in one day is too long

I agree with your child's mother. What the hell does your family's opinion have to do with anything? I presume they weren't there chipping in their thoughts when you were adult enough to make this baby. Make the effort to bloody see her!

Are you physically and mentally well? I'm
Not sure why you're not able to drive 2 4 hour journeys in a day?

Also why are you doing what your family tell you instead of making your own assessments and decisions?

I don’t think your family are giving you the right advice. Why are they giving you excuses not to visit your child? You should want to visit.

I think that you should have been having regular video calls and that yes you should have driven down at least every 3 or 4 months as driving for this reason has always been legal.

It'll be a long day but, set off at 5am, arrive by 9am. Have 9-3pm with your baby then take pillows in the car so you can doze/relax/eat a take away etc until 6pm then drive back and arrive home by 10pm. It's doable.

Unless there are other issues you've not mentioned, then, to see you child, yes, you should have done it.

At this time of year leaving before sunrise, as previously suggested, is not necessary. Leave home at 6 or 7am. Arrive by 10/11am. Spend an hour/two/six with baby. Leave by 5pm, home by 9. A good day out and seen your child.

Another option, if mum willing, you drive 3 hrs each way, she meets you an hour from her house. Cuts down on your driving a bit.

Or as pp suggested, a train?

Just to add I have a friend who's ex drives from Inverness too Edinburgh to collect her ds every other Friday the brings him back on the Sunday. The journey for the dad can be up to 10 hours on the Friday due to traffic, although sometimes he uses the train instead for that reason, and around 7 hours on the Sunday. This is EOW twice in a weekend.

Why are your family telling you to essentially not see you child? Why are you listening to them, is there some back story there? Are you young and live with family? Or an inexperienced driver? In which case take one of them with you and share the driving if they are so concerned that's it's too much driving.

I'd sleep in the car if I was so delicate I needed a nap in between. OR I'd drive there see my child, take a decent rest and have something to eat and then drive back, and I would have done it every day that I possibly could in line with what the other parent agreed to.

Get up at 6am - get in the car with a bag of sandwiches, drinks etc. Drive to see your daughter for 10 for however long is agreed and then drive home, you could see her for 4 hours and then if you left at 2pm you'd still be home for 6pm when you could have an early night if driving tires you out.

It's not idea, but doable if you want to spend time with your daughter.