right now these songs were made for me

[muma3]

whether your angry upset or hurt or just need to feel understood i think these may help . really listen to the words.

justin timberlake -what goes around
usher -burn
whitney-its not right (esp the line "rather be alone then unhappy)

thought they may come of some help to anyone who feels like me right now. very theraputic i reckon.
will be playing them full blast tmw once he has picked kids up !!

oh muma... wish there was somethin constructive i could do or say

am so sorry it is final.... so very sorry

i wrote him a letter

i know this started off about songs for the broken hearted but you have been really helping me lewisfanbahons.

just wrote everything down all the points he keeps bringing up for
ex. i keep shouting. i treid to explain how frutrated i get when he never seems to care how i feel .
ex. sex. how he cant even hold a conversation with me anymore when we alone but is interested when we go bed . never seems to be making love its all about is he getting as much as other couples

etc.

tried to put it all down (4 A4 sides) easier then if he here because i do end up shouting. well who doesnt when its like talking to a brick wall !!!

phoned him and told him i have the letter and he can collect it when he feels ready to read it . i then went on to say i think it would be better if we had a week apart. when i see him or hear his voice it hurts and i get abngry as im angry at him for throwing it all away. so i have give it to a freind for him to collect from there. said i will be in touch when i am ready to see him again. i need this week to sort jobcenter out and get my head around it all . i feel to tender at the minute to see him .

sorry that sounded horrible. to hear everyones point of view has made a difference. sorry i am not thinking.
thanks to all

this one is great

better quality

I think the letter is fantastic - as you say, it's taken away the shouting and to have it in black and white that he can read and re-read is really helpful, I think

Good on you for putting some distance there too - again, very wise move

You will get there; it may not feel like it now cos it is all too raw and you are too raw but soon enough, things will settle down

i think it was a bad idea. to write it maybe ok but now im waiting for a phone call or for him to run in the front door. sayig he is sorry and how he does love me etc etc

it wont happen but i will wait now for the reaction . think im torturing myself now

well you could see it in two ways: you wait for something that in reality you know won't happen and so stay upset, or you force yourself to stop thinking / hoping and say "now he knows what is what" and whatever happens, will happen

The second option is of course exceptionally hard, but I think it is the best for your sanity - every time you start to think or hope the door will open or the phone will ring, deliberately stop yourself and think of something else - not sure what though!

I know it sounds so easy on here, but it is really hard to do. Also, if you need to cry - then cry whether the kids are there or not, they won't be scarred for life - they may even appreciate the honesty of your hurt and upset.

Thinking of you x

thanks. dd3 and me was waiting for bus today to go jobcenter. (not a chav but that sounds it lol) i stood crying at the thought of going. dd3 started to sob and i mean sob. her little lip was going and tears rolling down her face. hands were fiddling. i knew she was upset becasue i was crying and that hurt so much.

i changed my mind. the buses were full of school kids and i couldnt get on . i was going to be late. i couldnt go through with it either. i just couldnt go and declare it over.

i phoned him and told him i couldnt go. he said but things wont change. said i couldnt force him into a desicion . i asked him if he still wanted me and he said he didnt know what he wanted. didnt know what it was i had done either . i said i couldnt wait for him to decide , i need to know so i can move on . i wont wait around for 6 months to see if he will come back my head couldnt cope with it. i said if he says "i dont know" once more then it would be over. he said he didnt know.

i said i hope you are happy with your desision and if he loved me he would be fighting to sort things out not going football sundays and drinking with friends he staying with.

i know what he wants but he too scared to say it and for a while i was too scared to hear it. but i forced myself and now i know.
i have reaaranged appointment for friday as i had a app with lone parent avisor then too so friday i will go. i will sort things out. i have rejected and i am so in love but i have no choice to but to keep moving through life. sad to say but it will be over one day . death just seems like a light at the end of the tunnel now. watch the kids grow in the meantime

micheal bolton -how do live with out you

change the record to I Will Survive... be proactive in maintaining your mental health

sorry... am not helping, am i!!

yes you have so more then you know.