I need to find where my children are?

[boredashell10]

Without the backstory as I know I will get slated for waiting a few years before trying to find out where my children are I just want to ask how I would go about finding out where they live? I have no contact with my ex or her friends/family and I don't know wether going to a lawyer would be any good as I'm not sure if they would can or would be successful in finding them?. Any clues? I know I'm in a much better position to be a good father now than I was my ex left.

My ex hired a private investigator, although he roughly knew which area I was in

A lawyer will be the best option.
It's clearly sour between you anf ex. That why all actions must be strictly legal. If you have a private investigator than you will look bad in family court.
Lawyer will take the case and can make it all legal, so you have a leg to stand on.

How old are your children?

Do your children want you to find them? Or are you doing this for your own gratification?

A few years since you’ve seen them could lead to massive upheaval in their lives. How are you planning on making first contact if you do find them?

Yup. You’re such a good father that now that YOU’RE ready to be a father, you want to interrupt their lives. What makes you think they want that upheaval? Do you think their mum had any choice on being a mother? It’s not a flexi job, where you can play parent when it suits, then opt out when it doesn’t. Leave them alone. If they want to see you when they’re older, they’ll get in touch.

My ex hired a private investigator, although he roughly knew which area I was in

Even have if been through it you still think it's a reasonable suggestion?

There may be a very valid reason for someone not knowing where the their D.C. are.

Hopefully nobody will be giving you tips on how to find your ex and kids.

We have no idea why they are in hiding from you.

Yes that’s what I thought too.

What's your plan? How do you intend to ingratiate yourself with children who don't know you and NOT make this all about you and your 'need to be a dad' ?

PS- are you only doing this because you're bored as hell?

Are you not paying maintenance? Can you not contact via those channels?

Contact Gingerbread, they're a charity and can put you in the right direction/offer support if you're genuine and serious.

Your username is literally "boredashell".

Kids aren't entertainment and validation to be picked up when you're bored on lockdown then chucked back on your own life's shelf when there are more interesting things to do.

See if you're still enthusiastic for actual, hardworking, parenthood when lockdown is over.

Or he could be stepping up, like the millions of threads on here want fathers to.

Is no one allowed to make a mistake?
Every child should get the chance to know their father.

A mistake is washing a £20, not ignoring your children for years

Yeah. When he's "bored as hell".

What a coincidence.

*Or he could be stepping up, like the millions of threads on here want fathers to.
**
*He could be. Not having the benefit of an unbiased backstory nobody knows.

*Is no one allowed to make a mistake?
*
Yes. But we don't know what those mistakes are. So offering advice to this poster is bloody stupid.

Every child should get the chance to know their father.

Again, we don't know why he doesn't see them.

No, which is why a court is the best place to hash this out. But in order to do that he needs to know where they are.

Do you have parental rights over this children?

Were you married to their mother ? Are you on the birth certificate?

If you have PR you have rights to have
Contact with them. As you are not in their status quo life at the moment, in law you would be asked to prove your commitment to them indirectly first ,,, cards , presents , emails,

A great start would be paying and back paying maintenance for them.

Are you absolutely 100% sure they’d benefit from having you in their life if you’ve been gone for so long? Highly doubt it. Leave the poor kids alone.

The age of the children is key here .

If they are over 13 they could be "gillick competent" meaning they will be assessed for their wishes in a relationship with you. You may have left it too late

Or he could be stepping up, like the millions of threads on here want fathers to.

Is no one allowed to make a mistake?
Every child should get the chance to know their father.

Every child deserves a relationship with his father, but that should start from birth, not when the father decides that the time is now right for HIM. Kids aren’t a hobby to be picked up or dropped when daddy dearest feels it suits him.

Y also tend to find fathers that want to get back into their kids lives only want that for a short while. They end up ditching them again and causing untold pain to the poor children

Its very dependant on OPs situation, but if he is genuine then better to try and be a father than continue not knowing the children.

OP do you know where any of the extended family live? Sending a letter to be passed on could be a start.

He’s not willing to waste his money using a solicitor as he says he doesn’t know wether going to a lawyer would be any good as I'm not sure if they would can or would be successful in finding them?

Or is it more a case of knowing that the solicitor will tell him that because of his past behaviour, he wouldn’t be permitted contact. The whole not wanting to tell a back story and not wanting to go through official channels is sending out alarm bells, never mind red flags. Dodgy.as.fuck!