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Original poster

Holiday time

44 replies

Skribble · 17/09/2007 21:11

Ok what the hell do you do for family holidays when it is just you and the kids???

Don't do "med" type holidays and not keen on holiday camps. We used to go to nice self catering cottage and spend the days out visiting places nearby, doon't fancy sitting in a cottage myself at night when kids in bed, but what is the alternative.

Other holiday I have liked was Lake Garda, but we hired a car and did a lot of driving and I don't want to do that myself with the kids, God this is shit.

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bubblepop · 17/09/2007 21:36

hi skrib. have you any lone parent friends you could go with, with their kids? i think i'd find it daunting too. how old are your lot? perhaps they would be up late at night anyway, with you being on your hols...so maybe you could go to bed not that much later than they do? sorry im not much help am I ?
WOT about organising something with a large group of people, then there wud be lots of adults about for conversation..

mogs0 · 17/09/2007 21:55

I have a caravan at the beach which ds and I go to. I also have friends who live in the village where the van is so have company occasional evenings.

Do you have any friends whose dh's don't want to go on hols? A friend of mine has just been away with her friend (married but dh didn't want to go) and all the dcs.

What age are your dcs? If school age, are there any mum's from school who fancy hiring a cottage?

MorocconOil · 17/09/2007 22:08

My sister went on an organised activity holiday with her DC to France. A coach picked them up from near her home. The tents were already set up, all meals and wine were provided. All the activities were laid on, all she had to do was get up and go each day. There were other parents on their own. She seemed to have had a great time. Her DC are 8 and 11 though.

zmandaz · 18/09/2007 12:46

There is a company called Small Families (www.smallfamilies.co.uk) which do organised holidays for single parents. You all meet up at the airport, stay in the same place and go on trips out together. They are quite expensive though. I went to Turkey with a friend of mine and DD. It was nice to get away and have someone to share it with but as DD was only small, we didn't go out much and were limited to what time we could stay out on a night for meals etc. It was nice but I'd think about doing a small families trip or going with my own family members next time.

Original poster
Skribble · 19/09/2007 15:37

Thanks for the ideas everyone. I really don't know what I will do. The kids are would go to bed about 9pm as they are fairly active on holiday.

I suppose I could tkae a few good books and some extra wine and just try and chill out. MIL suggested going with them in the caravan, I do have a little caravan but never intended to do caravaning with the PIL, don't fancy a week at October in a tiny old caravan anyway.

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Tottie32 · 19/09/2007 15:48

i have been to centreparcs, haven and isle of wight on my own with kiddies

Tinkerbel5 · 20/09/2007 10:04

you could join the single parent travel club, they organise days out aswell as holidays

www.sptc.org.uk/

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Skribble · 20/09/2007 20:07

Thanks

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Original poster
Skribble · 21/10/2007 00:17

Well back from a week away with the kids, it was fine through the day when we were out and about but whent he kids went to play in the park I sat there like a prize plum getting very bored, cold and emotional. Kids are too old for me to "play" with them at the park.

Even back at the caravan I was very lonely when they went off to the park there too, i really missed having adult company.

I wish I had taken the Digi box as there was only 4 channels and once the kids were in bed the evenings were very long, I did a lot of reading, puzzles and watching crap TV, I felt like a pensioner.

I am not looking forward to next years holiday, mind you I probably won't bre able to afford a holiday next year .

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gordieracer · 21/10/2007 00:34

Maybe we could start a mumsnet lone parent holiday club, cheaper than using one of the others

Original poster
Skribble · 21/10/2007 00:34
Smile
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Skribble · 21/10/2007 00:41

TBH I just wanted to be able to turn to my H and share the some moments with him.

The kids asked a couple of time why he wasn't there, I said it was because of work. The older one asked if it was because we weren't getting on, I said it was a bit to do with that but daddy would have come if he could have

I came back to find he hadn'r been in the house all week (he hasn't moved out yet) so it was stinking with the rubbish and a couple of dishes I left. He has been staying at hers again even though this is all supposed to be about him having time to himself and always being in a relationship. We talked about being freinds and I said how difficult I would find establishing a freindship of anykind if he was going with her.

Sorry I am off on one again, I am trying to tell myself I am not worthless and not shit but it is very difficult when I know he has no time or feelings for me.

Shit why do I have to be single mum and he just gets to be single and pop in when it suits him.

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Original poster
Skribble · 21/10/2007 00:52

OH FUCK IT, how come he gets it all to suit him, he will still see the kids as much as he does now, its always been to suit him. How come I don't get to just bugger off and pop home to see the kids when it suits me.

Of course he doesn't fancy me anymore I am a mum, with no prper job or anything. He doesn't love me becuase I have dedicated the past 10 years to our kids, everything I do has to fit in with them. Even my phyisical appearance is because of having the kids. How can he stop loving me because of that.

He doesn't have to think twice when he walks out the door no difference if he is going to work or leaving forever. He is moving straight on to someone 10 years younger, no kids and a proper career, he is such a shit. She will probably chuck him in a few months anyway once the novelty wears off. He can't afford rent on anywhere himself so he will probably move in with her.

Why do men never grow up, when will he realise, once the kids are fucjed up? Once he has totally broken my heart? Once its all gone to shit?

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Original poster
Skribble · 21/10/2007 00:59

Sorry I will go to bed now so I can make sure I am up and out with the kids tomorrow when he turns up. Feel bad as they haven't seen him for a week and wanted to know where he was tonight when we got home, I just keep saying he is working, but I will have to tell them soon he is leaving.

But I don't want to be sitting in waiting to see when he will turn up, then having an argumant about the fact he said he wouldn't be seeing her just now and wants to be freinds . I strongly advised him to put her on hold for just now so he could sort himself out and to give us a chance to establish some sort of working relationship/ freindship.

Damm I just want to chill witht he kids tomorrow as we have been busy all week, but I don't want to be in when he comes home.

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law3 · 21/10/2007 01:18

hi, totally sympathise with you, single parent for about 5 weeks now. days are fine while kids are about, nights are pretty lonely.

Not much advice, other than im in the same position. not very helpful i know!!!

Original poster
Skribble · 21/10/2007 13:41

Thanks Law3, I know there must be loads of people in the same position, how are you coping with him seeing the kids and all that I am not looking forward to him taking the kids out for the day and all that. I have already told him they won't be staying with him or visiting where ever the hell he plans to live. I explained that I don't want the kids having to decide where to stay on a Saturday night, this is their home this is where there friends and their lives are. That may seem unfair but I am not playing pass the parcel.

Well I made sure I was out when he came, he almost arrived when he said he would, ignored all his calls like he has been doing to me and went home an hour later. He sat there texting people while the kids carried on doing what they would normally do, when I asked why he was here he decided to take the kids round to his mums, so I am on my own again but he goes back to work soon

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pirategirl · 21/10/2007 13:51

hiya skribble,

I think you were bloody brill taking your kids away, and giving them a holiday, despite the fact it was hard for you.

keep up your stength, and remain neutral, on what he does with this woman.

Why is he still in the family home?

Original poster
Skribble · 21/10/2007 13:59

Its very hard to stay neutral, she used to work for the same company as us (left now), H is one of my managers, she is ten years younger, lives with her parents, just left uni and probably looking for her first flat, H is making a c*nt of himself (handy lodger to pay half the rent) and me along with him as all of my work collegues know us as a couple, he will still me my boss and everyone will see that he has left me for her. Even though he claims he wants to be by himself as he has never been single always been in a relationship, ha fecking ha he is diving straight in again.

I don't feel very strong.

He is in the process of moving out, I would love to have dumped his stuff in the street and change the locks but I don't want to upset the kids, he is hardly ever here anyway. We haven't told the kids yet don't think I can handle that properly, but I will have to pick up the pieces once we do and he fecks off again.

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singledadofthree · 21/10/2007 13:59

yeah skribble - well done on surviving a holiday with the kids - took me some getting used to. made me eventually appreciate my ex taking them for a night or two now and then.

but what is h doing still living there? you need to start as you mean to go on. i know youd have him back, but is time you kicked him out i think. if it goes pear shaped for him and he ends up full of regret and wanting to be back then you can take charge and its on your terms. in the meantime - get sorting your finances out if you havent already. is awful i know - have done it all - but you got to be independent. then who knows.

pirategirl · 21/10/2007 14:05

yeah skribble, time to up the anti.

When i said remainn neutral, i know its hard but DON'T give him any advice about jackshit. Like you said about

'I strongly advised him to put her on hold for just now so he could sort himself out and to give us a chance to establish some sort of working relationship/ freindship.'

he has absolutely no right to have you even speaking to him right now, how feckin dare he do what he pleases.

Believe me, I have been far too forgiving, made excuses for my ex dh. They know exactley how to play you, wel they know you still love them and walk all over you.

he needs to go NOW !!

Original poster
Skribble · 21/10/2007 14:12

Thanks I know, I have got over the trying to persude him I am worth a chance stage now. I don't want to make a drama out of chucking him out because of the kids. But.. I have started chucking all his stuff in a big pile or in the bin, he has baged up a lot of his clothes and boxed his CD's. He is going for an official date of Nov 1st but I want all his stuff out the house now. If I had the energy I would chuck it all in the leaky oily garage when the kids are a school. I am going to tell him he has the week to clear it all out or I will.

I pretty much have all the finances ready to go, I need to open a bill paying account so I can get all the Direct debits paid out of that, I will get the maintenance paid straight into that then top it up to the full amount with the rest of my money. The money he is going to give me gets less every time we discuss it, but it is above the amount I would get through the CSA so I can't do much about that, I think he has realised how much he needs to live off (or how much rent she is going to charge).

I must try again to arrange an appointment with the lone parent advisor again, but I think i have a good idea about the tax credits and all that now. (Thinking of volunteering with the CAB now as I seemed to know more than them). I think I will be OK financialy. Emotionaly perhaps not! I thought I was worth more than this.

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Skribble · 21/10/2007 14:14

You two are so right.

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Original poster
Skribble · 21/10/2007 14:17

He is doing exactly as he pleases the selfish bastard.

I just feel I am left looking like the old frump that wasn't enough couldn't run a business or get a proper career, he is well respected at work and even by a few mums I am friendly with. They all think he is fantastic, fair and a lovely Dad.

I am doing a Uni course but there are a few others from work on it that don't know about all this and talk about him and call me Mrs DH.

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singledadofthree · 21/10/2007 14:29

he is selfish and thats the problem - a lot of people and dont see the damage they do. had one the same and its taken her a long time to realise it. its no reflection on you tho - frump or not - some people just dont grow up quick enough - the grass is always greener - that kind of shit. to throw away a family like that is about the worst thing to do and youve got to see it.
it does get better - whether you work, study, whatever. just think of yourself for a while.

Original poster
Skribble · 21/10/2007 14:34

I am tryng to think of myself but I always come after the kids, not before them like with him.

I am lucky to have a very good MIL but I have to fit everything around the kids, school holidays, PIL holidays etc. Its all very well studying but I can't even get a full time job while the kids are at school. MIL doesn't want to have then every day after school (quite rightly).

Fed having to fit in with everyone else, I want to begger off and come and go when I like (if I had anywhere to go). But then I realise I am a parent.

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