How can someone reject their own flesh and blood?

[Mum901]

I will never understand. Ever!
I made a post on here a few days ago detailing recent events that have happened (social services removing DD after I witnessed a suicide which triggered an unstable mental state)
Well yesterday the social worker rang and asked for DD father's contact details. (We broke up once I became pregnant because I refused to have an abortion, haven't seen him since and he's never met DD) I've tried several times in the past to contact him but he always blocks me and remains adamant that he wants nothing to do with either of us.
Yesterday the social worker asked for his contact details so that they can see if he'd be willing to offer any help and support with DD. I tried to call and I WhatsApped him from my new number, telling him that I need to speak with him urgently regarding DD and that the authorities will be contacting him and he just blocked me again..of course he did smh
While I accept that I can't force him to be a part of DD life, I just can't believe how he can live his life, knowing that he has a child and not give two s!! I consider myself to be an open minded person and I really try not to judge people but there are a few types of people in this world that I will never understand and one is people that reject their own innocent children. It's one of the most cold hearted selfish things you can do imo.

It’s hardly comparable LooQoo, the Foster carers have gone through lots of checks to make sure they are suitable and they obviously want to look after children, unlike the ops ex who has never bothered with the child. How can the man be trusted to look after the child he wants nothing to do with? The op was struggling, she is a single mum raising a child alone with no support, she reached out for help and this is what happened, she doesn’t need berating.

Hopefully the foster parents are also much better equipped to support this little girl, as opposed to a man she has never met.

@PumpkinP

She chose to be a single mother though. The father said from the start that he didn’t want to be involved. She needs to take some responsibility for her actions, especially as her actions are impacting on an innocent child.

I call raising a child alone for 2 years TAKING responsibility, the man doesn’t have to take responsibility though does he? He gets to walk away. Maybe he shouldn’t have made the child if he wasn’t going to look after it? He had choices before getting the op pregnant. But it’s probably easier for you to slate the op because it’s always the woman’s fault. It’s the ops right to keep her child, just because the father didn’t want her to keep the child doesn’t mean she had to listen to him. It must be nice being so perfect, I hope you never have to struggle or ask for help.

Some women deliberately get pregnant to try and trap a man though. Say they are on the pill but it didn’t work. Not saying that’s what the OP did but it does happen.

This man was very clear from the start - he said he wanted no involvement and the OP chose to bring a child into the world under those circumstances.

It is not normal for Social Services to take a child into care. They must be extremely concerned about the OPs (lack of) ability to take care of her child.

@Pumpkin Thankyou very much!!! I found the comment that she made rude and judgemental, knowone chooses to be in situations like this

Oh my now she’s tried to trap him
I’m sorry but there are far more men that refuse to wear condoms than woman who pretend to be taking the pill. If a man doesn’t want to be “trapped” maybe he should not sleep with women unprotected, anyway it sounds like the op did accept that he didn’t want anything to do with the child and has been raising the child alone, it’s SS who asked for the fathers details. Which I imagine they probably have to do legally in these situations.

Some people just love an excuse to judge others, you’ve asked for advice not to be criticised. Just concentrate on getting your dd back op, I don’t know if they are working at the moment but I’ve had great advice before from the family rights group.

Some men take no responsibility for their fertility, leave all the emotional, physical and financial work to the woman and walk away with no thought of future consequences for the life they are equally responsible for creating.

@LooQoo You're entitled to your opinion but I think you're being very rude and extremely judgemental and it seems like you're trying to make out that I did something wrong by TAKING RESPONSIBILITY and bringing a child into this world?!?! I wasn't to be the first and last single mum on this planet!!! Having 0 support and a fragile mental state can really make things difficult when raising a child...My daughter is in temporary foster care until I'm about better. knowone deliberately puts themselves in these situations you know..smh

@LooQoo what is your actual problem? Let me just make something clear, I've single handedly raised my daughter for 2 years by myself with 0 support. This is the first time social services have ever been involved! I was doing totally fine by myself. I was the one that reached out for help from the services, if I had support with DD, they wouldn't even be involved full stop.
Who were to have known that I was going to witness someone take their life and it was going to have such an effect on me?!?! Knowone plans these things you know.

I don't understand exactly what it is that you're trying to demonise me for here?? Please don't make any further comments on this post if you're going to continue with this manner, cheers.

The social worker sounds a bit reckless / thick if they think they can let child go and live with an unknown person. Doesn't sound at all appropriate in the circumstances.

I would ignore any further posts from him tbh, it’s probably a man. I don’t know why having an abortion is seen as taking more responsibility than raising a child for 18 years, god that comment really bugs me. It’s never said to the man though is it.

@betty2020 she's just been placed in temporary foster care until I get better. Maybe me even using the word "removed" is about drastic or ott. I was the one that reached out for help in the first place and the decision was made after I expressed how I was feeling after what I witnessed and their main concern was that I don't have support or any one that could look after DD temporarily. And no, unfortunately the one family member that I did have a good relationship with sadly passed before DD was born.

LooQoo would you say the same about a child who was taken into foster care because their parent had an accident or physical illness that meant they couldn't care for their child. OP, I have a relative who is a short term foster carer and I know that children are returned to family members whenever possible.

It’s sucks but tbf he never wanted to be a father so I don’t get trying to make him one ? you knew that before she was born.

He made it clear he didn’t want to have a child with you from the beginning. You can’t force him to have a relationship with a child he want. I can’t believe you’d expect him to take your DD now when she doesn’t even know him.

@Fantasiaa maybe i made it seem like i want him to be a father now? Up until now I've been getting on with things, despite trying to contact him in the beginning to let him know I've given birth etc, Iaccepted his decision and was raising my daughter by myself with no problems. This situation just made me reflect upon how him and others can dismiss their kids so ruthlessly. Tbh wasn't really expecting anything from him in this situation and I definitely regret handing over his contact details as he's a complete stranger to her.

@GeraniumJohnsonsBlue I agree that I can't force him to have a relationship with DD & I actually stated this is in my initial post. And woah..I'm definitely not expecting him to suddenly play dad now. I do regret handing over his details to SS and I did express after that i'd rather he not be involved as he's a stranger to her. I was moreso reflecting upon his whole attitude in my post. Prior to this it had been a long time since I'd had any contact with him and I was doing fine raising DD by myself.

Realistically I don't think there's anything SS could have asked him to do for her?

He's a complete stranger. Surely she's better off with a proper foster family.

What were they going to ask him to do? I don't think many men would know what on earth to do with a 2 year old on their own.

This situation just made me reflect upon how him and others can dismiss their kids so ruthlessly.

That’s what I was trying to explain. That if you never wanted a child to begin with it’s not so ruthless to never have contact or want to be involved at all. He never formed any sort of connection with her even before she was born.

I think not everybody attaches much importance to ‘flesh and blood.’ When you’ve spent a lifetime having a family member around you then even if you don’t like them much and would never choose them as a friend, you can still feel a strong emotional attachment and an obligation to be there for them. But that’s based on your the bonds created when one or both of you were a child.

The whole idea of ‘flesh and blood’ is nonsense really, because it’s not shared DNA that makes us love our family members, it’s the life spent together.

There are millions of fatherless children out there and your DD could be any of them as far as he is concerned. There is no reason he should automatically feel more emotionally attached to her than any of them..

If he wanted a child and had loved you, it would be different, but unfortunately he didn’t.

When you talk about ‘ruthlessly rejecting your own flash and blood’ would you count women who have abortions in that? Because it’s the same thing. You don’t want a child so you take the decision to separate yourself from that growing bunch of cells at the earliest possible stage before emotional bonds can be formed and you find yourself trapped into loving a child you never felt ready or equipped for.