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Original poster

How can someone reject their own flesh and blood?

59 replies

Mum901 · 17/04/2020 10:52

I will never understand. Ever!
I made a post on here a few days ago detailing recent events that have happened (social services removing DD after I witnessed a suicide which triggered an unstable mental state)
Well yesterday the social worker rang and asked for DD father's contact details. (We broke up once I became pregnant because I refused to have an abortion, haven't seen him since and he's never met DD) I've tried several times in the past to contact him but he always blocks me and remains adamant that he wants nothing to do with either of us.
Yesterday the social worker asked for his contact details so that they can see if he'd be willing to offer any help and support with DD. I tried to call and I WhatsApped him from my new number, telling him that I need to speak with him urgently regarding DD and that the authorities will be contacting him and he just blocked me again..of course he did smh
While I accept that I can't force him to be a part of DD life, I just can't believe how he can live his life, knowing that he has a child and not give two s!! I consider myself to be an open minded person and I really try not to judge people but there are a few types of people in this world that I will never understand and one is people that reject their own innocent children. It's one of the most cold hearted selfish things you can do imo.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 17/04/2020 11:07

I agree with you that’s it’s hard to understand. But given that he’s like this and always has been, surely he’s not a good person to try and give responsibility for your daughter to? He doesn’t want her so there must be better options for her.

Stantons · 17/04/2020 11:41

Because he didn't want to be a father, he didn't have a choice in the abortion, you did

bluebell34567 · 17/04/2020 11:45

it is hard to understand but you will get used to the idea.

CountFosco · 17/04/2020 11:50

What do you think about sperm donors?

Just give his contact details to SS. They might get a more considered response from him, if he doesn't want to look after her her might have a family member who does. What about you, do you have anyone in your family that are willing to look after your DD until you get better? A parent or sibling or aunt?

Original poster
Mum901 · 17/04/2020 11:52

It's true. Tbh I don't know why I bothered giving them his contact details and contacting him again myself as I already knew what the outcome would be. I wasn't expecting much...

OP posts:
timetest · 17/04/2020 11:58

It’s not something I will ever understand. If I had a son who rejected his own child I would be beyond disgusted with him.

newmum0811 · 17/04/2020 12:01

How old is your daughter? I am in a similar position (I found out I was pregnant just after I had split with my dd’s father, he wanted me to have an abortion but I continued with pregnancy). My dd’s father has also refused any contact, and although he made his intentions clear it’s still hard to make peace with it. There are no winners in this type of situation: not him, not you and certainly not your dd. I’d be happy to talk further by PM if I can be of any help x

newmum0811 · 17/04/2020 12:03

Also, I think it’s really unhelpful to compare this to a “sperm donor” situation...I’m sure this wasn’t done to be hurtful, but it is very different.

Stantons · 17/04/2020 13:48

@newmum0811 the father made his intentions clear from the start though, it is similar in that respect

newmum0811 · 17/04/2020 14:05

I won’t get into a back & forth about this, especially when the topic can be really emotive for people dealing with the fall-out. Using a sperm donor, for the most part, is a medical procedure (and again, not in every case) done to help women that are struggling to conceive for whatever reason. An accidental pregnancy leading to the birth of a child is a very different situation. Parental responsibility cannot be forced on anybody, but the law does mandate financial responsibility because it is the right thing to do.

newmum0811 · 17/04/2020 14:11

I also won’t sit by and watch another woman say something spiteful when she is simply expressing her upset at her daughters biological father not supporting their own child in what appears to be an extremely difficult situation. She is sad for her daughter. If you haven’t got anything nice to say, maybe don’t say anything at all.

PumpkinP · 17/04/2020 17:59

I’m so sorry op, I read your other thread and commented on it. It’s disgusting isn’t it, my ex also doesn’t want anything to do with our children (hasn’t seen them in 3 years and Told me never to contact him again) but if he has never met your dd then I think it’s for the best that he doesn’t get involved now as he is a stranger to her anyway. Tbh I would have told them I didn’t know his details, purely because I’ve seen situations like this where the dad has then took the child and refusing the mum access. Would you be happy if she was placed with him??

Original poster
Mum901 · 17/04/2020 18:36

@CountFosco I think sperm donors is a completey different situation, where both people know exactly where they stand before hand etc...And i don't have a good relationship with my family, none of them have taken enough time out to get to know DD unfortunately so there's no options there either

OP posts:
Original poster
Mum901 · 17/04/2020 18:41

@newmum0811 hi and thanks for your supportive comments. Sorry to hear that you're in the same boat regarding your DD's father. My DD's just turnt 2. Although I don't understand it, I did feel like I came to accept it and I regret opening up that particular can of worms by giving his contact details and contacting him myself. It's his loss at the end of the day

OP posts:
LooQoo · 17/04/2020 18:43

Sad as it is, he didn’t want to be a father and he told you that. It was your decision to continue with the pregnancy and bring a child in to the world, under those circumstances. Like I said, it’s sad that your DD doesn’t know her Dad - but you made that choice for her.

oohnicevase · 17/04/2020 18:47

He probably has a family that don't know . This happened when we tried to contact dh birth father .

Original poster
Mum901 · 17/04/2020 18:49

Hi @PumpkinP Sorry to hear that your DC's dad did the same thing, these men are scum and it's their loss! I agree that it's best that he doesn't get involved at this point and I regret passing his details over. Having said that, I highly doubt he'll offer to be of any assistance anyway and I've asked them not to bother contacting him if they haven't done so already. I wouldn't be happy if she were to stay with him because he's a stranger to her, she's settled in really well at her foster carers and i'd actually prefer her to stay there until SS return her back into my care

OP posts:
CottonEaster · 17/04/2020 18:59

It happens. My dh is in his 50's, he was given up for adoption, his adoptive parents now dead, he contacted his birth mother, she was horrified. She says she wanted nothing to do with him when he was born and wants nothing to do with him now (even though he's happily married with an almost grown up family and wants nothing more than to see the person who made him). She may have emotional reasons: who knows about his conception, her pregnancy, her family were supportive (she was in a private home), she never married or had more children but is close to nieces and nephews, this is her decision. In her correspondence she almost blames dh for his existence.

This has been hard for him to come to terms with. And for me (as an aside) to accept but he is not the only adopted child who has had this reaction, even amongst our friends. It seems a blood connection is not all that. Which in itself is a liberating idea.

But for those of us who carry and nurture a baby it is a difficult concept to grasp. I think society tends to be more lenient on a man because they have not experienced the hormones and physical changes and pain that involves making a baby. However, I will agree with you OP that either man, or woman, who rejects a baby they had a hand in making, Is reprehensible.

quietheart · 17/04/2020 19:09

Did he use contraception, did it fail? Otherwise him not wanting to be a father doesn’t wash, does it.

The question of what will happen if I fall pregnant rarely happens before sex, but if he knew he didn’t want to be a father he should have taken extra precautions.

PumpkinP · 17/04/2020 19:13

As sad as it is I think it's for the best, she doesn't need him in her life by the sounds of it. I guess ss have a duty to contact the other parent, has he ever tried to make contact? Did he say anything when you contacted him or did he just block you straight awa y? The sad thing is I don't think these men see the kids as theirs even though they are, they are so detached.

Celerysam · 17/04/2020 19:18

He made it clear he didn't want to have a baby. You don't want him to be the person that has anything to do with your child.

LooQoo · 19/04/2020 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TriangleBingoBongo · 19/04/2020 17:01

It’s not very nice but would you want your DD left in the care of what is effectively a stranger. This man is a nobody to her.

LooQoo · 19/04/2020 17:04

@trianglebingobongo
The foster parents were also strangers to the little girl.

betty2020 · 19/04/2020 17:21

Is she permanently removed or just until you can get yourself better?

You didn't know how your life would turn out and you didn't rush to witness what you did.

Do they think you would hurt or neglect her?

Having no family around must be hard. Were you close before you got pregnant?