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Lone parents

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Original poster

How hard is living on your own with a newborn?

26 replies

Ajlaisy · 11/04/2020 16:05

I have a 10 day old baby I am a single parent and currently live with my mum but I'm 28 and really feel like I need to move out again me and my mum don't get on at best of times and the house is quite depressing I can't explain why it just is its always very quiet, I told her this morning that after lock down I'll be moving out she obviously doesn't want us to leave as it will be leaving her on her own and she started listing all the things she does for me like sterilising bottles and letting my dog out for a wee but I feel like she just does them before I do them and if she didn't it wouldn't be that hard, can anyone tell me if living on your own with a newborn is really hard and lonely or does it feel good that you're doing it on your own xxx

OP posts:
carly2803 · 11/04/2020 20:08

Its hard. Really bloody hard. But you WILL manage. (speaking from experience, not just offering random advice!)

You know where your at, you get into a routine, and you will manage. Do not have high expectations for your house, just be clean and relatively tidy. Sleep when the baby sleeps, and if you cant then go wash your hair, have a brew and take 5 mins to yourself.

You say you have a dog? Brilliant, walk it. Lots. Ideally when baby is awake, so then you can sleep or rest when baby is home and sleep.
If not then just walk and let baby sleep.

I have been a single parent for a very long time, through newborn stage and beyond.

Its doable, hard but honestly you will be fine living alone.

carly2803 · 11/04/2020 20:08

Its hard. Really bloody hard. But you WILL manage. (speaking from experience, not just offering random advice!)

You know where your at, you get into a routine, and you will manage. Do not have high expectations for your house, just be clean and relatively tidy. Sleep when the baby sleeps, and if you cant then go wash your hair, have a brew and take 5 mins to yourself.

You say you have a dog? Brilliant, walk it. Lots. Ideally when baby is awake, so then you can sleep or rest when baby is home and sleep.
If not then just walk and let baby sleep.

I have been a single parent for a very long time, through newborn stage and beyond.

Its doable, hard but honestly you will be fine living alone.

carly2803 · 11/04/2020 20:08

Its hard. Really bloody hard. But you WILL manage. (speaking from experience, not just offering random advice!)

You know where your at, you get into a routine, and you will manage. Do not have high expectations for your house, just be clean and relatively tidy. Sleep when the baby sleeps, and if you cant then go wash your hair, have a brew and take 5 mins to yourself.

You say you have a dog? Brilliant, walk it. Lots. Ideally when baby is awake, so then you can sleep or rest when baby is home and sleep.
If not then just walk and let baby sleep.

I have been a single parent for a very long time, through newborn stage and beyond.

Its doable, hard but honestly you will be fine living alone.

PumpkinP · 11/04/2020 23:41

I don’t think it’s that hard, but then I never had help so I was use to it. I had a 6 yr old 5 yr old 3 yr old and new born and was alone from day one. It was fine tbh. My sister lives alone when she was 16 and a new baby so I’m sure you will be fine.( I wouldn’t have wanted to live with my mum tbh but then she’s not a nice person!)

Zantedeschia · 11/04/2020 23:49

Probably depends on the baby...colic anyone?

Having someone to mind the baby, even if briefly, would be great. An hour a day would be bliss...or a week.

And a support network, eg if you got sick, someone to come and mind you and the baby.

nicerainyweather · 11/04/2020 23:53

I found it ok. I had no help and had no maternity leave either, as was self employed. Baby started nursery at 3 months. I really enjoyed the baby stage.

nicerainyweather · 11/04/2020 23:55

But yes, if you can get someone to babysit once a week or so, then do.

1Micem0use · 12/04/2020 12:44

I'm currently living with my brothers and my 3 month old. Will be moving out soon after coronovirus. Whilst it's nice to have company the most baby sitting they do is holding him if hes grizzling and I need to put the buggy together and my shoes on. Occasionally they cook which is great, but occasionally I cook for them too. I'm managing just fine. I dont feel like theres going to be a huge change when I move.

1Micem0use · 12/04/2020 12:52

I think you'll be fine

Permenantlyexhaustedpidgeon · 12/04/2020 12:58

I struggled - Ds didn’t sleep and I would hallucinate with tiredness. We could literally go weeks without talking to anyone except shop keepers, and I was very lonely (but also didn’t have the energy to have proper friendships) once DS had a little personality as a toddler it became MUCH easier, also I think working would have helped me as it would have given me social interaction and a purpose beyond keeping Ds alive! Ds is 8 now and a delight, but those days in the beginning were very hard.

Original poster
Ajlaisy · 12/04/2020 15:02

Thanknyou I think I'm just gonna do it I'm sure I'll be fine my family are all quite local and I have friends that can help me out x

OP posts:
BellsaRinging · 12/04/2020 15:06

I found it easy when I wasn't back at work-just adjusted routine around ds. I went back to work when he was 3 months, and it was pretty full on, but still do-able
The main adjustment was the lack of social life as all friends were child free at the time. However, once I met other mums at nursery I did have an (all be it child centred) social life, and this got better when ds was a bit older.

Chiyo666 · 12/04/2020 15:07

It’s not that hard. Babies are pretty easy. Plus you won’t have another parent to contend with/annoy you.

uhohimbad · 12/04/2020 15:08

I've done it twice, it's not that bad actually. I got baby settled into a good routine from 6 weeks, definitely recommend doing that.

LoveIsLovely · 12/04/2020 15:12

I'm amazed at the people saying it's fine. My husband does so much with the baby and I still cry with tiredness some days.

How do you ever get enough sleep?

Sometimes I think I must be really pathetic and weak.

If you have family and friends willing to help, I think that would be a big help OP.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 12/04/2020 15:17

If you have a good network around you, you will likely be fine. I'm not a single parent, but DH (Army) was away a lot (sometimes days, sometimes months at a time). We made our own routines. Getting out each day was essential (and I'm guessing you are used to that with a dog!) If we had a rough night, we got up later. If we had a tiring day, we went to bed earlier. Unexpectedly sunny day? Pack sandwiches and go to the park.

I think it have a negative effect on DD1s speech development... But it's hard to know how much of that is her natural shyness. DD2 is the polar opposite.

PumpkinP · 12/04/2020 15:27

You would cope if you didn’t have a husband LoveisLovely as you would have no choice. Many single parents cope and are just fine. There’s literally thousands of single parents. I don’t need a man to cope. I don’t have a support net work either, the only break I get is school. Mine are now 9,8 6 and 2 I never get a break but one would be a walk in the park. It really isn’t that hard, my mum had 6 children on her own, no dad on the scene and family miles away. She cope. I don’t get enough sleep, my oldest two have asd, but it’s doable. I personally like independence though so wouldn’t want to live with my mum in my 30s

LoveIsLovely · 12/04/2020 16:03

@pumpkinp to be fair, many don't cope. Not the point of the thread though.

PumpkinP · 12/04/2020 16:13

I think a lot of people have had useless exes so for me it’s been no different because my ex never helped anyway.

SoloMummy · 12/04/2020 16:51

I did it alone, including baby having some issues that complicated things and 3months solid colic. My baby was never a great sleeper, but alone I just worked around it, sleeping when I could grab it.
It was far easier than friends who had ohs who felt they should be helping, but were making things harder.

How long ago did you last live independently? That could be an eye opener, more than the newborn element.

Original poster
Ajlaisy · 13/04/2020 18:29

@SoloMummy It was just short of a year ago I last lived on my own, I just find living with my mum extremely stressful and depressing we sat side by side for nearly 2 hours in the front room yesterday without the TV on I was watching something in my phone so turned it off when she came in as it was rude and not one word was spoken so I ended up going upstairs after nearly 2 hours I'd rather be alone than have someone sat next to me but nothing to say, the only things she really does to help is sterilising my bottles and holding her while I have a shower but there's ways and means to get round that on my own and I'll just do my own bottles.
My whole family think I'd find it really challenging and are dead set against me moving out but I feel so depressed and lonely here I'd be happier on my own with DD xx

OP posts:
Jingers5 · 13/04/2020 18:36

If you sleep when baby sleeps will help. The first 8 weeks is difficult but once your baby is in a routine, you will be ok. Your hormones are probably a factor in dealing with your mother too maybe. Hopefully things will get a little easier for you.

Historyofeverything1 · 13/04/2020 19:01

It's OK.
When I had ds we got in a routine by 6 weeks which helped, I always had a nappy bag packed and if it got too much would just go for a walk. Routine was the biggest life saver for us. Evenings could be lonely at times.
I went on to have Dt by choice on my own going from 1-3 was exhausting but again routine got us through. Not having to many expectations.
It's more than doable.

Marley040783 · 15/04/2020 22:52

I have done it alone since day 1, I can't say it's hard as I don't know any different but I will say I wouldn't change it for the world. My girl is now 2 and the relationship we have is something I never imagined. We are a team and it may sound silly but it's like she has always known it's just me so made it easy for me. Hearing my friends bicker about nightfeeds, who's washing the bottles just doesn't sound my cup of tea. If you only have yourself to rely on then you can never be let down. You have amazing times coming lovely 😊

ElizabethG81 · 15/04/2020 23:12

I have twins and spent the first few weeks with my parents then moved back to my own house. I much preferred being in my own home with the babies and working out my own routines (which mostly consisted of not much of a routine at all, but it's what suited me best). Yes, it's hard, but I think I'd have found it harder staying there. I think you'll be fine Smile

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