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Original poster

During Coronavirus - should my child still visit their father?

33 replies

Bumpandus · 03/04/2020 19:24

Hi after some advice and if anyone is in similar situation.

So government advises that parents can move children between houses if parents are separated.

I have decided to keep my child at home and have done for 2 weeks...but unsure if I am doing the right thing?

Can totally understand if there is just the parents and the children involved BUT...

Ex partner has an older child who lives with his mum. This mum has another child with another father. Both of her children are still visiting their fathers (so one of them is my child’s sibling) how is this safe? Doesn’t this mean 4 different households will be mixing if I sent my child too?

Also my ex is living with his mum during the lockdown as he is having issues with his water. His mum is a key worker so is looking after vulnerable people daily. (Also this would mean 5 households mixing?)

Just tell me am I doing the right thing? Be honest!

Also I am at home completely on my own with two kids no partner and am also working from home so it’s not easy for me to keep hold of my child I’m doing it for safety and to support government guidelines surely?

Thank you.

OP posts:
maybell345 · 03/04/2020 22:16

I think you’re definitely doing the right thing

footballfanlife · 03/04/2020 22:18

You are doing the right thing definitely x

Juanmorebeer · 03/04/2020 22:20

I think you are doing the right thing. I have let dd go to her Dad's but only because him and his gf have been isolating since way before we have at home anyway. So with both households being fully inside the only risk is the short car journey to transport her (where the parent doesn't even get out rhe car)

Original poster
Bumpandus · 03/04/2020 23:08

So basically yous all agree if there is only one child moving household then it’s the right thing to move between parents ? BUT With multiple children with multiple parents then the children should stay at home??

OP posts:
longtimecomin · 03/04/2020 23:10

You're doing the right thing

cheeseandpineapple · 03/04/2020 23:14

Yes agree with your thinking, it’s tough on your child’s father but hopefully he would understand that it’s in your child’s interest to stay away whilst all this is going on and do plenty of video calls in the meantime.

Original poster
Bumpandus · 04/04/2020 07:08

Yes he is FaceTiming every morning and night used to have twice a week.

OP posts:
MG08 · 04/04/2020 13:00

I'm doing the same. I am a key worker so am already mixing with multiple people a day, who are also then mixing with multiple people a day. My job also involves going into people's houses. My mum provides my childcare so that is another household mixing. My daughters dad lives with his parents and sibling, they are apparently not going anywhere but I am keeping my daughter home and she is not seeing him because of my job. He isn't happy and has basically blamed me for the current outbreak and lockdown but I feel this is the best thing to do. I did offer him once a week contact but my solicitor said no and to facetime only.

You're doing the right thing, I don't understand this exception to the mixing of households rule.

Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo · 04/04/2020 14:10

@MG08 would it not be better for your daughter to be at her Dads through this then to reduce her exposure if they are staying in?

MG08 · 04/04/2020 14:21

No she is only young, still breastfed and doesn't do overnights, him and his parents are emotionally abusive so this is something I will not allow for the foreseeable future. I change and shower when I get home before I see her and have PPE at work.

Original poster
Bumpandus · 04/04/2020 19:20

Wow well done you with everything you are doing! Luckily I don’t have this problem with my older daughter who doesn’t see her dad at all (his choice)

OP posts:
Pinkyxx · 05/04/2020 14:04

You're doing the right thing. I've done the same as we have vulnerable people in the household so are totally isolating. My reasoning was the same as yours, other kids who are still going back forth at her Dad's & they are also still going out whereas we've not left the house for near 3 weeks now..

Light11 · 07/04/2020 18:10

Hi

You are doing the right thing under the detailed guidance for parents who have a court order, one parent can make the decision to keep a child home if circumstances dictate that is the safest thing to do, even if the other parent disagrees, of course you would then FaceTime or something like that.

www.judiciary.uk/announcements/coronavirus-crisis-guidance-on-compliance-with-family-court-child-arrangement-orders/

Original poster
Bumpandus · 07/04/2020 19:02

@Light11 yes we are FaceTiming twice a day at least I even ring him when he forgets or is busy.

It’s not easy for him I understand that. It’s not easy for anyone!

He received a postcard off her today. And even said thank you but has been abusive towards me for stopping contact and apparently I am being controlling...

OP posts:
Light11 · 07/04/2020 22:22

I’m in a very very similar situation, ex is emotionally abusing and is accusing me of exaggerating (we have high risk ppl at home and I’m asthmatic) he insists of taking small one to the park. In principle there is nothing wrong with that but it’s not the message I want to send out with people in the nhs working so hard for everyone.

Ex doesn’t seem to understand that. Just doesn’t get it. We FaceTime every day tho, I have told ex that we will somehow make up for lost time.

Original poster
Bumpandus · 07/04/2020 23:49

@Light11 I have also said he can have her as long as he wants when this is over. I imagine it will just go right back to alternative weekends though as he will want to return to work and probably see his mates with being locked down lol...

OP posts:
trashcanjunkie · 07/04/2020 23:54

Actually I disagree and think you should send her as long as everyone is symptom free in the household ‘bubble’ (the mix of households)

Light11 · 08/04/2020 17:38

@trashcanjunkie asymptotic people are contagious if they have the virus, this is why the message is that everyone should stay home.

Although I respect everyones decisions, I just personally feel extra vulnerable being a single mother and having had an acrimonious divorce. Don’t take chances.

Original poster
Bumpandus · 08/04/2020 18:47

@trashcanjunkie

How can any of the house holds be self isolating when there are multiple children with multiple parents?

If I was sure everyone was isolating she would go no problem but too much risk here surely? If it were just me him and the child fair enough but 5 households mixing ??? Am I being selfish ???

OP posts:
trashcanjunkie · 08/04/2020 18:48

light11 that message doesn’t include children moving between households

Light11 · 08/04/2020 20:53

@trashcanjunkie it does actually the full guidance which I posted a link to earlier from the court service (see my first message) says children don’t have to move between households if one parent deems the risk to be substantial.

Unfortunately the media don’t tell you the full guidelines which are very comprehensive.

In an “ideal” scenario where dad and mum have a home with no complex arrangements fair enough but if you have many families commingling and high risk household le you just have to do what you think it’s best for all.

Come to think of it there has been cases in the media of married couples who have opted to separate children from one parent of their job puts them in a position where they can catch the virus so there is no prescribed solution.

Light11 · 08/04/2020 20:55

@Bumpandus you have your head in the right place, keep safe x

Original poster
Bumpandus · 08/04/2020 21:33

Well said light

OP posts:
trashcanjunkie · 09/04/2020 20:50

I guess the question is whether you ‘deem the risk substantial’. I appreciate there is risk involved, but it can be mitigated to a point.

Original poster
Bumpandus · 09/04/2020 21:21

@trashcanjunkie unfortunately I can’t keep tabs on 5 different households?

Otherwise she would be going no problem it’s not easy to keep them at home either when you need to work and home school etc

OP posts:
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