hi, have just texted ex dh, to say that once again dd doesnt want to see him, I am so scared of the reply i'm prob gonna get

[pirategirl]

I know he's going to get angry. I know i want to remian calm.

Over the past 2 yrs I have tried my best to make it all smooth between them, but when he let her donw last time, on purpose cos he was in a sulk, it really affected her, and seemed to change her perception of him.

She was sad, angry, disappointed. He wanted to see her last weekend but she just wasn't interested, and got realy upset. He rand sunday and said he's taking her camping this weekend, she said yes initially, but later in the evening she said she didn't want to go.

I refrained from digging deeper, thought I'd let the week go by, before saying to him about her concerns.

Yet it's 2morro he wants to come, so Ihad to ask her again.

I have maintained contact with him, have been on his side, pushed dd into going. Bribed etc..., but becuase he does nothign to help the situation, I am fighting for him iyswim.

When he told me he no longer wishes to speak to me anymore, something died, ijust cant be arsed anymore.

I know in a way I am giving into her wishes, and she is only 5 but she is really upfront and not stupid.

We have discussed that she is nervous, and scared of the repurcussions, or rather what is goignto be said to her for refusing to go last time.

I know that his gf is not tactful, and has upset her int he past, making her out to be wrong for not liking daddy.

ex dh, sides with his g friend every time, has not spent one hour alone with dd in 2 yrs.

I SHOUL be fighting dd's corner in trying to suggest why she doesnt feel comfortable, and things, but I am way past that, i am like a broken feckin record, and he takes no notice. He walked out of our lives, i have been so fair its not true, and he expects me to be fair, fair to him. Yet i have no inclination anymore, no energy to have pointless conversations with him. I too would prefer not to talk to him anymore, other than perfuntory arrangements.

I don't want to let dd down, idont want to push her, yet i also know she should spend time with him. this is really long folks, i'm sorry, i am just fed fed up.

What about trying to sort this out through family mediation? www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk/ I think you need a neutral party to try and help you both through this, as it's unlikely that just refusing to let your dd see her dad is going to make the problem go away, regardless of how she feels about the situation right now. It's very difficult for small children to get caught in these situations, and it doesn't sound as if the two of you are in a place where you can work things through without some sort of help (been there myself, so know a littel of how raw emotions get). Otherwise a Contact Centre would surely be better than no contact at all - and in any case wouldn't he be likely to get access throguh legal routes is you just cut him out?

Pg, he does sound an idiot. But I do also think he has a point. Your dd will not have failed to pick up on the animosity between you and that I would bet my bottom dollar, is part of the reason she is refusing. She's allying herself with you because you are mum, you are hers, and she loves you; and because she feels put in the position of having to.

It's why I recommended a contact centre; it takes away the need for you and her dad to communicate AT ALL and may take the pressure off your dd. They work towards you hopefully being able to communicate eventually but there's no pressure for that.

Would you consider a contact centre?

just read nooka's post and I agree completely. Her refusing can't make this issue go away, if your partner pursues contact.

Children who maintain contact with both parents do better I believe the research says; whilst I acknowledge he's not the most perfect dad, he's still hers.

i have been in this situation before. my oldest dd was 8 and her dad kept getting drunk when she was there. he idolised his ds with new gf and she always felt pushed out. she didnt get on with new gf and had her fathers mum pushing her to go and see him . in the end she said no to them all everytime it ws time for thier contact. after a year of dd1 not wanting to see them her father phoned and said he was going to take it through a solicitor. not to see her but to have his parental rights revocted. he doesnt want anything to do with her. it has been nearly 2 years and i am still waiting for the paper work to come through.

also i told her nan that if she wanted to see her dd1 was happy for her to come here where she felt more comfortable(took her to dads when she didnt want to go)with me around. nan was stubborn and hasnt had contact for over year.her way or no way.

he cant make her go and you have done all you can despite the anger to keep the contact going. the only advice i can give you is listen to your dd she has obviously made her own opinion already and you need to respect her wishes. she is all that matters to you and you need to explain that to your ex also.

good luck and the ex's that are a waste of space are normally uncovered by thier own children anyway