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Lone parents

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Original poster

Tommorow I am gonna say Hi to my new life

37 replies

nutcracker · 21/08/2007 23:47

Old life has gone, in the bin, no more, finnished.

New life = me and the kids on our own, muddling through it until we get it right and laughing along the way.

I am not going to let xp control me anymore, how i feel, how i think and when i cry.

If he ses the kids he sees them, if he doesn't fine, his loss, I'll be there to help them through it.

Never in a million years did I ever think that I could end my relationship with him, but i did it, so what is the point in letting him carry on making me miserable, that way he is still here.

My life may have many problems right now, but only I can sort them out, only I can say 'no, f**k off, no more'.

I will sort myself out if it kills me, and I will make sure that I and my kids have happy life, whatever happens.

PS - I haven't had a drink either LOL

OP posts:
Clary · 21/08/2007 23:48

Nutty just posted on your other thread an dended hoping you felt better tomorrow so good to see thi spositive attitude.

We are all here for you as well!

Original poster
nutcracker · 21/08/2007 23:52

Thankyou, it is such a big help to know that there are people on here who will listen and not tell me to sod off LOL

OP posts:
Clary · 21/08/2007 23:53

we would never do that.

Wish I was nearer by and could help in more practical way.

Original poster
nutcracker · 21/08/2007 23:55

Aww thanks, but a listening ear is more than enough and it does help loads.

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley · 21/08/2007 23:55

Hurray for you!

Original poster
nutcracker · 22/08/2007 00:00

Thanks WT

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Lizzer · 22/08/2007 00:11

YAY for you!!! Wishing you loads of luck, I dragged myself out of a controlling relationship 8 yrs ago and I've never looked back

AMAZINWOMAN · 22/08/2007 08:28

Nutcracker, what a fabulous attitude! I felt a bit low today, but your post has also inspired me! Good luck and keep in touch xxxx

LIZS · 22/08/2007 08:43

Sorry had to pop over after the tip off on your other thread . Good for you and when you begin to feel downhearted come back to this op and reread ! Good luck

mojosmum · 22/08/2007 08:45

i hope i can have an attitude like you soon

good luck you are stronger than me at the moment but im hoping you will sper me on

Original poster
nutcracker · 22/08/2007 09:16

Morning

I do feel so much better now that I have decided to concentrate on me and the kids and no one else.

I spent nearly all of yesterday feel so sick, and that was because of him and he is so not worth it.

I have to make the effort to show my kids that we are ok on our own, that we can be happy.

I'm sure I will still have my down days, but it's 2 weeks now until the kids go back to school, and then I can start working on my life.

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley · 22/08/2007 09:19

Good for you!

Will you ds be in reception this year, or nursery? Will you have whole days to sit on mn? Er, um, ahem, I mean, fill your day with work and toil.

Ha ha ha, who would fill their day sitting on mn when they have a house to clean and a pile of work to get through?

Anyway, what are you and the kids doing for the next 2 weeks?

zippitippitoes · 22/08/2007 09:23

I know just how you feel nutty

I am feeling really low today, but I decided that last saturday was my last crying day and i am forcing myself to keep to that..very wobbly first thing but making it a priority to get going with life..not sure how but it will happen

rooting for you

Original poster
nutcracker · 22/08/2007 09:29

Zippi, that is exactly what I thought. I was fed up of waking up in the morning with a splitting headache and my eyes glued shut, because i'd cried myself to sleep.

Can you make yourself busy today ?? That normally helps me to shake off any bad feelings ?

WT, Yep ds starts school in exactly 2 weeks today. Only mornings for the first 3 days, so for those 3 mornings I am going to do whatever I feel like doing (after i've stopped wailing that my baby has gone to school ).
After that, well at the mo I'm not really sure. With any luck it will be a combination of college and a job, but we'll see, I refuse to stress about it anymore.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 22/08/2007 09:31

Am off to asda today, not mega exciting, but haven't been for ages so we're going for a mooch around and Dd2 wants a new school bag.

Then if the weather stays dry i might take them out on their bikes later.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 22/08/2007 09:39

yes trying to do things even when you don't feel like it is the best thing to do

my thing is exercising madly..hoping at least it will get positive results too

3 weeks till college starts...good idea or not I don't know

I thought about getting an evening job in a pub, by the time i'd psyched myself up to go in and ask it had gone!

WanderingTrolley · 22/08/2007 10:00

nutty, if you're thinking of going back into education, here's a tip (feel free to disregard!)

Find a piss easy course that you can do with your eyes shut. One that it won't matter if you miss a class or two due to inset days etc. One that it's easy to say, "I feel a bit crap today, it's cold out but I can force myself to go because it's just one thing and I'll be home by lunchtime."

It could boost your confidence and get you back into the mindset of studying. It doesn't matter if it's a course about something irrelevant to your future career.

Be kind to yourself - don't overload your life with a big college course and a job this year. You have all the time in the world. Now is not the time for embarking on 3 A Levels (um, which you might have already but you know what I mean) finding a job and enjoying your children all at the same time.

What I'm talking about is getting the balance right between setting yourself a challenge, and over stretching yourself.

I went back into education with an easy peasy course to begin with, it stood me in good stead. You may prefer to throw yourself into a big challenge, and you'll thrive on it, in which case ignore me, I'm rambling!

What's the course, zippi?

Original poster
nutcracker · 22/08/2007 13:43

I totally agree with you WT, the last thing I want to do is overload myself.

Asda was highly eventful. Got to the bus stop and xp's new gf showed up 2 min later as she was also going to asda. I was very good and just ignored her. She obviously felt crushed that I was ignoring her and said 'you not talking to me now then'.
I said 'i have nothing to say to you', and she then went on and on that nothing was going on, they are just friends, xp is teaching her ds to play guitar .
She also said I can't tell her who she can and can't be friends with and that I am the one making the kids lives difficult by having a problem with it.

I told her that, she is a selfish cow who has basically put her own needs before 3 children and that I didn't want her to ever speak to me or my kids again.

I was right about her ds lasting 2 seconds before he'd start blabbing to dd2 about what he'd done with her dad too. He said to dd2 'are you allowed to play games on your dad phone ?', to which dd2 said NO, and he said 'well he lets me'.
Then he said 'do you know where your dad lives' and dds said NO. and he said 'well i do because i've been thjere'.

And he thinks this won't effect them how ??

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 22/08/2007 13:46

I have decided though to sort out a reg contact arrangent with xp.

Have just had Dd1 sobbing her heart out cos she misses him. This was after she has an almighty tantrum in asda, i knew there was more behind it than, that she didn't want the pencil cases on offer.

OP posts:
LIZS · 22/08/2007 13:58

for your kids nutty. fwiw I do think that something formal and regular would work best , it gives the kids continuity, you some time to plan for yourself so you regain some control and puts the ball firmly in his court to maintain it. Perhaps CAB or soemone woudl help you carefully word a letter putting forward your terms. Sounds like you reacted with great dignity too .

Original poster
nutcracker · 22/08/2007 17:10

I agree Liz, and I don't want to be the one to stop the contact as I always said it was important that they have a realtionship with him.

I have to take ds to the doctors at 5 tommorow so i'm going to ring and ask him if he wants the girls then. Now I know full well that he is at a funeral tommorow and he gave me the impression it was an all day thing, but his gf said today that he is going to hers after, so we'll see what he says.

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zippitippitoes · 22/08/2007 17:13

sounds like a good plan to sort something out nutty

the course I'm doing is horticulture in the agricultural and land based studies college

Original poster
nutcracker · 22/08/2007 17:19

Have just rung him and asked him to ring me later at about 8:30. He moaned at first cos the footie is on , but I said I cannot afford to keep ringing his mobile.

OP posts:
Clary · 22/08/2007 22:54

nutty what happened?

Did you speak and come to some sort of agreement? I agree it would be best for the DCs especially (but for you too in a way) if you could come up with a regular contact plan for exp and the children.

Of course they miss him - and he must miss them, surely?

Hope you sorted sthg out.

Original poster
nutcracker · 23/08/2007 08:58

He is going to have the girls for an hour or so this evening when I take ds for his pre school booster, and we have agreed that he will have all 3 next Thursday too.

We are going to discuss what the arrangments will be once they are back at school. Although tbh I am not sure what to suggest as there is only so much he can do with them with no car, and winter on the way.

I said to him that I hope it goes without saying, that he is not to visit his gf whilst the kids are with him and he agreed, which he'd have to really as i'd find out.

Oh and I spoke to his gf's mum yesterday and filled her in on the whole thing, and she said that her daughter has told her on more than one occasion that she doesn't fancy him and never would, and has no intention of having a realtionship with him, so basically he is making a twat of himself, and I predict he will be dropped like a hot brick once the kids go back to school, and she doesn't ned someone to help her keep them entertained.

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