Ex might have new partner

[purpleme12]

I'm worried
This person gave my child a birthday present and is going out with them for a day this has never happened before
I feel sick

I can understand feeling sick at your ex having someone new...
but why worries?
They will move on at some point - so will you

I'm worried that is true and then she'll wiggle her way in and they'll make a little unit and my child won't love me anymore and she'll love her
And it should have been me that he was loving
I can't move on cos it hurts too much. Too many people let me down

I understand this. I have never experienced it but if I was in this position I know it would hurt like hell. BUT: You are irreplaceable to your little one, no one is like your mum.

I suggest you distract yourself from thinking about this tonight so you don’t work yourself up about it . Watch something on tv/Netflix.

Thank you

I don't have any friends who are single parents I don't feel like anyone gets oh

It not oh

Your feeling are understandable. But he was always going to meet someone else. As will you in time.

I always refer to ow as daddies girl friend and how lovely it is to have so many grown ups that care about them in their lives. It is tough pill to swallow. But as a child with parents who both remarried and a single mother no one can replace your mum or dad.

It is only now at nearly 50 I refer to my step parents. As Step parents. They have always been my mums/dad husband/wife. Think of her as an aunt someone they are close to and love but they will never be mum.

I can't
I never wanted this

It's hard at first but the most important thing is to remain positive about the situation and the person for the sake of your child. I separated from my exH when my 2 were very young and ex has had a few girlfriends since then. Some have been more involved than others and sometimes it's secretly upset me.

Oh for goodness sake.

I'm struggling with this, though my girls are young adults and refusing to engage with him at all about it (younger dd has threatened never to see him)but if you are split he is entitled to look for someone. Why not date yourself?

None of us wanted this. And it sucks. But you have to do the right thing by the children and smile and let them know it is all ok. Wallow now and let it go. I know how hard it is but you don't have any other option. It gets easier in time.

I know exactly how you feel and mine are adults.
It hurts it’s awful but honestly there is nothing you can do.
Just be the best mum you can and your little one will always know you are her mum.

It’s hard I know.

@purpleme12 I completely completely understand and my DCs are all young adults. It’s just another punch to the gut. Be kind to yourself and try and take it one day at a time. We have to hang on to the thought that time will really heal. You will always be your DCs mummy, no one can replace you

Honestly it's hard but big girl pants time. No one replaces mom n dad to children. It's someone who cares and might help your child when sick, scared etc later in life. It's a good thing to be loved by adults. Think of it as another aunt etc.
The goood news is a small gift n time. Means they seem interested and that's good.
Please don't pass your worries to Your child as that wouldn't be okay.

You have to stop thinking of yourself and think about the child. So whilst it is hard for you unfortunately you’ve got to suck it up and be a parent.

That means no badmouthing of your ex and his girlfriend, no making snide comments. Children cannot have too many people in their lives that love them. The only damage that will be caused by this situation is if you make a drama out of it. Please don’t do that to your child.

I never once said I badmouthed anyone or made snide comments to my child and never said I'd made a drama to my child

Hi. Just a note of reassurance, my DH has 2 kids from his first marriage. They're lovely kids and I have always got on with them.
Me being part of their Dads life and eventually, part of theirs made not one shred of difference to their love for their Mum. I took nothing away from that and this person will take nothing away from your relationship with your children.
It's 'as well as' not 'instead of'.
You're feeling very threatened right now, but there's no need to feel this way.

@purpleme12 I know, but it’s very easy to allow your pain at the situation deep into your relationship with your child. And having been on the receiving end of this growing up from my father after my mum got remarried, I can’t begin to tell you just how damaging it is.

@mustardscreams I had parents who divorced and remarried too. And obviously a lot of stuff when on there. So don't presume stuff about me. Cos that's what your earlier comment implied, that I was going to do this cos otherwise why mention it.

I'm posting about how I feel to get some support.

Thank you everyone who's said nice things and reassured me. It's hard to believe at the minute to be honest. It just hurts. But maybe you're right and it'll get better in time

I also can't believe how he can be someone so different with someone else.

@purpleme12 I know, I wasn’t saying you would definitely do that, but it’s so often the case when parents split up and find someone else.

If it helps I’m a single parent and dd’s dad has a new girlfriend. I find it so bloody hard sometimes, but I make a point of making sure I ask about daddy and his gf, and we make cards for them both, and I talk about how lovely they both are. She loves her dad’s partner, and I want to foster that relationship so dd never has to worry about my feelings regarding them.

I can understand the fear you have. It must be hard to see someone step in your role.

My parents divorced when I was young. Years later my dad met a truly amazing woman. She was perfect. She couldn't have loved us and included us better. She had two sons and once when we were both a little tipsy she turned to me and said that if she'd ever had a daughter herself she'd hope for one as wonderful as me and my sister. I still remember that moment now over a decade later.

My mum never badmouthed her. And I did ask her later how she felt about her and she said all she cared about was knowing that we were treated well.

I feel so lucky to have had her in our lives. My mum helped my sister and I write our part of the eulogy for her funeral. She consoled us while we grieved for her.

If my mum wasn't as supportive and brilliant over the relationship with my step mum it would've ruined our relationship. Not the one I had with my step mum.
I'll never know if she did get upset. But she did the right thing by us and I am eternally grateful to her for that.

I never foresaw stuff like this

I love her so much

Does your child have grandparents?
Does having two grandmas mean she doesn't love one?

Children thrive off love. The more love and wholesome family vibes the better they are.

It hurts - but kids are cleverer than they're given credit for. There can be more nice adults, but there's only one Mum. They know who Mum is and that's you - only you.

Thank you

I just feel so hurt but it all. So hurt that he won't see what he's done so hurt that he will be a different person to everyone else. So hurt and I don't understand.