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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Help induction in 6 weeks and no one to watch older kids.

44 replies

Mynameishuman · 12/10/2019 16:36

Hi everyone I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant with baby 3 and have no family or friend support at all, like no one at all. I have two older kids who are 6 and 2 and I'm trying to nagivate how to arrange emergency Foster for when I go into labour, I've been told my children aren't able to go into respite as we have never been involved with SS before and emergency Foster care is likely my only option but they have told me they may have to split my kids up which breaks my heart.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?!?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Wildorchidz · 12/10/2019 17:07

Does your 6 year old have friends from school whose mothers would help you out?

LuckyKitty13 · 12/10/2019 17:59

Ask at school, mums of children in your 6 year olds class? Teacher? Local nurseries may have a member of staff that may help? Approach a local childminder? Someone from a baby and toddler group that you know? Ask at sure start centre for advice?!

LuckyKitty13 · 12/10/2019 18:00

Do you know your neighbours?

Do you have to be induced for medical reasons? Otherwise a home birth?!

BuildBuildings · 12/10/2019 18:03

This must be really hard. I agree with school friends or neighbours. Tbh if somone asked me with no one I'd do it. I think people do want to step up when somone needs help. If you aren't comfortable with this could you ask the school to help you navigate ss support?

TequilaPilates · 12/10/2019 18:03

Can the DC's dad not stay with them?

RolytheRhino · 12/10/2019 18:03

Could you hire a temporary nanny/trained nanny who does babysitting too? Try posting the job on childcare.co.uk and see what you get back.

SmileCheese · 12/10/2019 18:07

Surely a childminder, nanny or a parent in your 6 year olds class would be a better option than considering emergency foster care. As hard as it sounds there must be someone you can get even if you are paying them?

dontticklethetoad · 12/10/2019 18:15

Gosh TequilaPilates I bet she hadn't thought about that!

Haworthia · 12/10/2019 18:20

You can’t put them into foster care for the lack of a babysitter, that’s just outrageous. There has to be something else you can do.

SmileCheese · 12/10/2019 18:26

You can’t put them into foster care for the lack of a babysitter, that’s just outrageous

To be fair I did wonder where the OP had gotten the advice from. Its hardly an emergency if she knows when she is being induced so I'm amazed that people have suggested foster care as a viable option. You have 6 weeks before the day you know your are being induced, there is plenty of time to arrange for someone to look after the children.

TequilaPilates · 12/10/2019 18:31

dontticklethetoad

Well, it seems odd that someone has 3 children but absolutely no family, friends or partner to have the DC under these circumstances.

Is op going to have the baby with no birth partner for example? If there is a birth partner then I would rather they babysat and I went to hospital alone than the DC go into foster care.

Elisheva · 12/10/2019 18:32

Whereabouts are you? There is an organisation called Safe Families that can help in this sort of situation.
www.safefamiliesforchildren.com/#

PerspicaciaTick · 12/10/2019 18:35

My induction took 4 days plus 2 days in hospital after the baby was born. Hopefully yours will be quicker but you need to find someone prepared to have the children for several days. Could you pay for a nanny from an agency? Not a cheap option I realise.

Original poster

Mynameishuman · 12/10/2019 18:37

Sorry but it actually happens I haven't had any family at all I know must be incredibly hard to believe for you very lucky people and my DC's dad assaulted me so has no contact for safety reasons which I shouldn't have to justify at all.

I'm not willy nilly suggesting Foster care, after speaking to my kids school, my HV multiple nurseries and organisations, they have said it is my only option. I'm sorry if I can't afford hundreds of pounds for a babysitter who I don't know to look after my children for two days or more, who could be lying about there qualifications and criminal checks.

I didn't post on here to get judged, I posted on here for help and advice because I have tried every avenue.

OP posts:

SmileCheese · 12/10/2019 18:43

I'm sorry if I can't afford hundreds of pounds for a babysitter who I don't know to look after my children for two days or more, who could be lying about there qualifications and criminal checks.

I think you are being slightly melodramatic about the credentials of childcare providers. They will all have the relevant checks if you use a reputable agency. The fact you say you cannot afford it is pretty worrying, emergency foster care is quite rightly for emergencies and your situation however difficult is not an emergency. Why can you not ask a parent from your child's class, they will probably be more than willing to help given the circumstances.

Haworthia · 12/10/2019 18:49

Have you spoken to your midwife? Health visitor? Honestly, your situation sounds very vulnerable. What if, god forbid, you were ever ill and admitted to hospital?

FancyAPint · 12/10/2019 18:54

Where about in the country are you op?

Original poster

Mynameishuman · 12/10/2019 18:55

Genuinely when I say I have tried everything I have tried asking school mums and melodramatic about the prices... Mm funny when that's the minimum price I've been quoted when looking at childminders.
My midwife and HV already know and that's when both of them including my consultant because of high risk pregnancy have all agreed emergency Foster care is the safest and best option, I have contacted charities, support services school mums, most places I can think of.

It is incredibly vulnerable I've had to take my children to hospital with me when I've had a DVT scare, the hospital where great and incredibly supportive, everyone says I'm a great mum it's genuinely a shame that I literally have no one at all. If I did have someone I wouldn't be posting here. I wish we weren't in this situation but I'm honestly trying my best here

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 12/10/2019 18:58

Op . People don’t get it when you say no one.

It doesn’t sound like you haven’t tried other avenues.

As a cminder I would help but it would be for the children I know.

A labour can be short and out in a few hours but can go the other way.

NotSoThinLizzy · 12/10/2019 19:01

It sounds so shit I really feel for you. Must be very scary too. I hope you get something sorted out.

RolytheRhino · 12/10/2019 19:04

Is there no way to avoid an induction?

SmileCheese · 12/10/2019 19:05

melodramatic about the prices

I didn't say melodramatic about the prices I said melodramatic about their qualifications and I was worried for you that you couldn't afford to sort childcare. I'm not trying to be harsh I was trying to help.

I have tried asking school mums

I'm staggered that not one parent in your child's class, anyone from their school or nursery and neighbours would be willing to help you must have the most unhospitable group of people around you ever.

Original poster

Mynameishuman · 12/10/2019 19:07

None at all, as my previous birth was so big and this time I have an even bigger baby, they are refusing to let me go any longer than 38 weeks plus the fact baby is transverse right now and he is very big is concerning me as I don't know if he will be able to turn in time as I'm a small person and there isn't much space at all left.

OP posts:

TheSheepofWallSt · 12/10/2019 19:08

OP- could you try your local doula service? If you explain the situation they may be able to help. Many do pro bono work for women in difficulty- and whilst it’s a bit leftfield, their job is to support women through birth. In your case, the birth support you need is child care... it might be worth a shot?

Parsimon · 12/10/2019 19:09

OP - if you’re able to get in touch with a local church there may be people who could volunteer to help (and who are CRB checked). Best of luck with your childbirth

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