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Original poster

Has anyone ever been successful with getting consent for a child's surname change?

78 replies

SpideyMom · 07/10/2019 10:35

Hi

Has any one managed to do this?

I wont go into great detail as I have posted on here a few times before about my situation. My son’s Dad has had no contact for 4 years. DS is 5. He pays maintenance via a DoE however it goes unpaid more than it is paid.

My son is known by my surname, and he chooses this. He hasn’t ever know a different name which I felt was right as there has been no involvement with his Dad's side of the family. Me and my son have discussed his different name which he gets upset that he doesn’t want to have a different name to me, and this his name is .......... and he doesn't want a different one.

As his passport is due for renewal I bit the bullet and I contacted his dad via email. After 3 attempts, he finally responded when I contacted him on his work email to say he will give me a response within the day. Nearly a week later I chased him today to get a response ‘I haven’t forgotton about this. I am giving it some thought. You can expect my response within the following week’.

How would you take this? Will he come back with terms do you think? I don’t understand what there is to think about. He has had zero contact with him in 4 years and has made no attempt to have a relationship with him. I am just trying to do what is in my son’s best interests and make his life easier. I am not asking for him to have his PR removed, just to honour his son’s wishes to be legally known by my name and make it easier for him when we travel. Failing his consent to his name change I have requested a letter of permission for him to travel. Something he also wishes to think about.

Maybe I am being abit sensitive but I don’t understand what there can be to think about. I am not stopping any relationship. He has just chosen to not have one. It's also made me feel sick. This is a man who revelled in controlling me. I just feel like ive handed him control again despite his long absense.

TIA x

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MyRaGaiaStarFishPieA · 16/10/2019 14:32

I would also be tempted to email him back and say " as you have not responded, on Monday I have an appointment and will be instructing my solicitor to start court proceedings for a name change and also for taking * out of the country whenever I choose too. They have also suggested I ask the child maintenance people to review that my son is getting everything he is entitled to."

PocketMoneyMonster · 16/10/2019 14:34

You don't need to keep pursuing him. Go to court for a residency order then you don't need his permission for holidays.

I don't know why you're giving him so much control. It's not necessary.

Original poster
SpideyMom · 16/10/2019 14:34

thank you @MyRaGaiaStarFishPieA what sort of costs am I looking at here?

OP posts:
Original poster
SpideyMom · 16/10/2019 14:39

Because I cannot afford high legal costs. and that makes me feel shit when it comes to my son.
I am a single parent, one income which is low. My money is spent putting a roof over our heads, food on the table and pays the bills. Financially my life is difficult and I have no money left each month to be able to pay out legal fees. This is why I wanted to do it this way hoping as he has had no interest it would be a simple answer

OP posts:
aimslou · 16/10/2019 14:57

I was able to take my daughter to America and she has a different surname and has nothing to do with bd! We have taken her to many different countries and never been questioned regarding her name.

MyRaGaiaStarFishPieA · 16/10/2019 15:10

I really couldnt pin point costs but if you are on beenfits then you may get some help towards court costs and possibly as its family, legal aid.

Its £215 for a court order but you can get that reduced or for free on benefits.

www.gov.uk/looking-after-children-divorce/apply-for-court-order

MyRaGaiaStarFishPieA · 16/10/2019 15:16

I should also add that at our hearing for the name change, the judge ordered a residency order, and the same often happens vice versa. So by applying for a residency order, you can also ask the judge to change your sons name and provide a letter from the school etc that he has always been known as your name and not dads, and that dad has not seen him for years. It should go through very easily and if you represent yourself then it will only cost the £215 court fee and your ex would have to either represent himself or pay a solicitor.

Honestly, just try telling him its going to court. You could be surprised at how quickly he changes his tune. And if it DOES go to court it really will not cost a massive amount, even if you are liable to pay it. I would rather represetn myself, apply for legal aid or pay £400-600 and have him out of my life forever than have it hanging over me.

Original poster
SpideyMom · 16/10/2019 15:43

It's not about not wanting to pay it. I would do it in a heartbeat. I do not have any spare money to pay for legal and that's where I am stuck. I am paying out nearly half of my monthly income towards the debt his dad ran up in my name as it is

OP posts:
amylou8 · 16/10/2019 16:05

I changed my son's name by deed pole when he was 2, his biological father had had no contact since he was 3 months old and didn't have PR. He was know as his new name everywhere except on his passport. He changed this himself when he was 18.

Original poster
SpideyMom · 16/10/2019 16:08

@amylou8 did you ever have trouble with travelling abroad.
As much as I've hated contacting him at least I can show my son when he is older that 8 tried to communicate with his Dad. It hit me the other day then when he responded he never actually even asked about his son

OP posts:
amylou8 · 16/10/2019 16:11

No I travelled with him many times and nobody batted an eyelid.

Itsjustmee · 17/10/2019 08:56

God so did I many many times from when my son was one years old
America, Canada, Thailand, all of Europe and South Africa, Jamaica, Dominican Republic Venezuela and his dad actually to me to court to get PR. - for all the good it did him
Never got stopped or questioned once
And we have different surnames
I really don’t know why your so bothered about travelling
If he’s not in contact you unless you post on FB or SM that your going on holiday he’s hardly going to know about it
And if at the moment you’re struggling for court fees then a holiday abroad is going to cost a lot more than a few hundred quid

Original poster
SpideyMom · 17/10/2019 09:33

Well this isn’t the advice I have been given. I was told it could come down to who you get at the airport.
I have travelled with him a few times. Have always been questioned bar the last time, and told in future I need to seek permission from everyone with PR. A solicitor has also told me previously that it is a criminal offense to take my child our the country without consent, and although unlikely I am risking being stopped and refused travel because I don’t have his Dad’s permission or a court order.

This has come about as I was worried what would happen if my DS didn’t give the name on his passport should he ever be asked, therefore I have looked at my options and have gone down the correct avenues before having to seek legal help.

Yes a holiday is more than a ‘few hundred quid’ however in my opinion it is a few hundred quid that doesn’t need to be spent. Why should I have to seek legal help when he has been absent for years now and has wanted no input in his sons life?

By doing this also, I can show my son that I have tried

OP posts:
Lonecatwithkitten · 17/10/2019 18:39

@SpideyMom you are correct regarding the law I was asking at Gatwick if I had permission to remove and again when I entered the US in Orlando. I was lucky enough to have a signed permission letter.

Original poster
SpideyMom · 17/10/2019 23:35

Well he won't give permission and is seeking advice.

Just seems cruel

OP posts:
Banaleaf · 18/10/2019 00:27

Get someone else to write the letter, I mean how are they going to check to see if it is legitimate?

Original poster
SpideyMom · 18/10/2019 01:56

I actually wish id never asked him but the post a little above where the poster was asked if they had permission and was able to produce the letter just shows that my reasons for seeking the permission are valid.

But tonight he has really upset. I haven't cried like that in years. I felt like I was back 4 year ago. He was vile. He never once asked how his son was he just rubbed in my face that he has equal PR to me and therefore I HAVE TO get his permission to do anything regarding our son. I so wanted to bite but I did not. That's what he wants. It's good to know he knows what having PR means but sadly he doesn't put any of it into practice. Surely him not giving consent to travel though makes him look unreasonable? He hasn't bothered at all in 4 years so why now seem advice

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Original poster
SpideyMom · 18/10/2019 12:43

So a quick update, I have consent for him to travel, but he is not agreeing to a name change at this moment in time - bit weird he had to add that, but all I really wanted was his permission to travel. My only concern is it is a 1 line email saying he has no issues with me taking him on holiday. Will this be enough, or does he have to write an actual letter with childs name etc?
I have seen examples online but they all specify travel destinations and dates. I really dont want to go to him every time we want to travel. Can he not provide me with a blanket email to cover me for ongoing travel?

Thanks

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 18/10/2019 13:22

That's great news, OP!

It will need his contact details so they can contact him and I should imagine it would need to say the child's name, otherwise how would they know it's giving permission for the right child?

LonginesPrime · 18/10/2019 13:23

I reckon it would need to be a signed letter rather than an email too, but I'd check the .gov website for the legal requirements.

Original poster
SpideyMom · 18/10/2019 13:31

Thanks @LonginesPrime I think so too.

I am delighted to have his permission but he knows full well am email will not be enough, as you say he could be anyone referring to any child. He knows exactly what he was doing by giving no identifying details.

However I feel better that I now have it on an email that he gives his consent, so if he doesn't agree to writing and signing a letter, I will be able to take it to a solicitor, or get a court order for unrestricted travel

OP posts:
Original poster
SpideyMom · 19/10/2019 18:20

Quick update.

If course he isn't willing to provide a signed letter with identifying details.

I honestly cannot get my head around this. He thinks he is controlling me. But in reality it is a little boy he is being cruel to and letting down.

OP posts:
Candle1000 · 19/10/2019 18:24

I had the exact same thing Op. DD’s birth cert had her fathers name but she was known by my surname at school . We went to court and the judge ordered that her name was double barrelled, with my surname first .

Original poster
SpideyMom · 20/10/2019 21:30

His being an absolute arse hole. I'm not surprised. But a little of me had hoped this incredible man he portrays to the world is who he now was, for the sake of my son. I call him my son as I have pretty much raised him myself. I know it takes two but his not been a dad in any way shape or form.

@Candle1000 can I ask why it was taken to court and was it as scary as it sounds? Did he turn up to the hearing?

OP posts:
Candle1000 · 21/10/2019 13:18

He took me to court for visitation- never mind he hadn’t been in contact for 2 years!
Which is why I had reverted to using my surname for dd . He demanded that I use his surname and the judge said to double barrel it.

It was nerve wracking but I knew it wasn’t me that was being unreasonable and stood my ground, I kept everything factual and tried not to cry!
Usually these type of arrogant men shoot themselves in the foot eventually.