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Original poster

Disinheriting the kids

35 replies

catspyjamas123 · 19/09/2019 10:18

I am divorced from ex and each of us has enough cash to buy a three-bedroom family home. The kids don’t want to see him and he has chosen a home with nowhere for them to stay. His choice - even though the whole point of the settlement is for each parent to have a “family home” where they can do parenting.

Now he says he is going to write a will and cut out DD, who is 15. There was some emotional abuse and she blew the whistle on him and this is his punishment. The abuse is also the reason she doesn’t wish to see him.

I doubt there will actually be much to inherit. He will spend it all. But it’s the sheer nastiness of the man that’s getting to me. This is so immoral. And actually illegal, I think, as she is a minor dependent. DD doesn’t care anyway.

So much for the court’s fantasy of shared parenting etc etc etc.

OP posts:
Aderyn19 · 19/09/2019 10:21

Can you go back to court and challenge the settlement in the light of this new information. The court did not award him that settlement so that he could refuse to house his kids etc.

Original poster
catspyjamas123 · 19/09/2019 10:26

I doubt it can be challenged. Besides I see the clean break as a way of stopping him coming back for more. I was the main earner and he appears angry to have lost his income stream from me! He does have a job of his own.

OP posts:
Skinnydogfatcat1 · 19/09/2019 10:30

You have had your rant - he is an arse and you and your daughter are better off without him.
You have made the choice, you are the bigger person, build a fantastic life for you and her - don't look back.

chickenyhead · 19/09/2019 10:31

Yeah, you are right, as he isn't actually dead yet she has no rights to inheritance. You cannot make a contingency for it if there is no legal requirement for him to do so.

I doubt DD would want his money anyway, he will need it to keep himself in the care home, alone, until he does die.

Nasty excuse for a dad.

I would not tell her, it is just more emotional abuse tbh.

Original poster
catspyjamas123 · 19/09/2019 10:33

He has made sure she knows about it - although I don’t think she has given it a second thought. I doubt there will be a penny left for the care home. At least I’m not paying for it.

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 19/09/2019 10:36

Oh dear, dad of the year award there...

She probably knows already that it is just more abuse.

You have raised a fierce one there. Congratulations on your freedom x

57Varieties · 19/09/2019 10:37

Yeah he is nasty . I’m not sure it’s illegal though, she’s unlikely to still be a minor when he dies (mores the pity)

Shit dad. At least she has you.

Juog · 19/09/2019 12:09

He's a complete saddo, he will die alone a bitter old man with no one to take care of him.

Misanthropy101 · 19/09/2019 12:51

I'm not sure I'd want someone who was abusive to see my daughter anyway, thanks. Sounds like you've got one of the better outcomes

Original poster
catspyjamas123 · 19/09/2019 13:24

I don’t want him to see her. I am just staggered really at how he has behaved.

OP posts:
Original poster
catspyjamas123 · 19/09/2019 13:28

I also think it’s really unfair I had to pay him a lump sum on the basis that he had a “need” to be housed and two have at least two bedrooms. That is the legal view. But in fact his “need” was just for a squalid bolthole where his children will never see him again. That money could have helped provide for the kids.

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 19/09/2019 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chickenyhead · 19/09/2019 13:35

Oh is the OP in Scotland?

Mummyof3isme · 19/09/2019 13:38

I was disinherited by a parent and I'm doing fine over here 🙋‍♀️ if that's any help at all. Arsehole thing to do though, thank goodness her mum is savvy. Best of luck with the situation.

HollowTalk · 19/09/2019 13:38

Given that was the legal requirement, is there any way of going back to court with this new information? Can you ask your solicitor about it? Is the evidence text based?

KUGA · 19/09/2019 13:45

Sad pig of a dad.
Your both better of without the twat of a man.

pencilpot99 · 19/09/2019 14:03

How likely is he to actually write the will though. It's a nasty threat but chances are he'll never get round to writing a will and she'll end up inheriting due to intestacy laws anyway. Even if he did write a will disinheriting his child, if he died while she was still a dependent it could probably be successfully challenged. And even if she was older she still might be able to challenge it. Either way it sounds like you're both well rid.

Lifeafte · 19/09/2019 14:14

I think you have a right to fight it if he was given the money to provide a second family home and hasn't. Man shouldn't of gotca penny , fight his ass and give it to your dd

mummmy2017 · 19/09/2019 14:25

How about taking out life to insurance for yourself and naming DD as benifitiary, then tell him you have it covered.

Original poster
catspyjamas123 · 19/09/2019 14:42

I already have it covered. She’s in my will! I suppose it is his attitude that stinks.

I honestly don’t think I can fight it legally or object to the settlement. I was told by a string of lawyers that I had to pay him even though I knew he wouldn’t be parenting - especially because of the reason he was asked to leave.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 19/09/2019 16:00

See it as he won't be a drain on your wages, and since you earn more he is not going to be able to replace that money in a household budget, while you will be better off.
He is going to hate seeing you both happy and doing things.

Mamasaurus82 · 19/09/2019 16:31

He sounds like a prick, who is still trying to have something to hold over you/ DD. Do you have any other children with him? I'm just wondering if you can avoid all possibility of seeing him again, incase he tries anything else...

Original poster
catspyjamas123 · 19/09/2019 16:54

My DS is older - an adult. So he sees him occasionally and is being used to pass on the latest nastiness.

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 19/09/2019 18:22

He's a cunt OP, no bones about it, but it might be healthier for you long term to try to reframe it in your mind. He's gone, you're free and he can't take anything else from you. You being angry only hurts you, he would probably be delighted to know he can still stoke that much emotion in you, don't give him the satisfaction.

Have a think about some new boundaries around what information feeds down through DS too. If he is adult now then maybe it's time to allow him to take a bit more responsibility for managing the relationship with his dad without involving you.

The whole inheritance thing and his current living arrangements are just ways to hurt/inconvenience you (and he doesn't mind if DC suffer as a result) and keep your attention on him. You've said yourself there probably won't be an inheritance anyway, his relationship with DD was already broken and DC are both wise to him and better off without him by the sound of it so why are you letting it wind you up? Let him get on with it, detach and concentrate on yourself and DC, he doesn't matter anymore Flowers

Original poster
catspyjamas123 · 19/09/2019 20:00

I do actually feel liberated to be rid of him. And yes, he is doing it to get our attention and we should ignore it!

OP posts: