following on from ex dh asking me to do that favour for him, is there no end to his stupidity, I feel like running to the other end of the country sometimes

[pirategirl]

Just having a rant, just feeling fuckin sorry for myself. I hate this up and down I get. its so much easier when we don't have to communicate.

He just returned dd5 from a weekend at his, and asked me if i could take her halfway next friday to drop her off, as he is working.
He wanted me to drop her off at his friends, these friends were 'our' friends until he left me, and they have never bothered with me since.
I was quite close to the woman, even helped her prepare for her wedding, when she had noone esle to ask. I even painted them a lovely abstract picture as a gift.

So, these firends are going camping with hi and his gf, and my dd, and so he thought it would be ok to ask me.

I just looked a the floor and said, no, I am not doing that.

he had the insensitivity to say 'but why'???

i said, no again. Didnt get into the reasons, just no point. Why oh why doe she think its ok, that everythings is ok, when all he has done is be an ass over everything.

For exmple, on friday he texted me quite happily actually crackign ajoke about picking her up, and I thought oh good he is in a good mood.

i was 1omins late bringing her home cos of bad holiday traffic, and he was wiaitng there in the carpark, with his gf, her face was like a slapped arse, and he never even spoke to me, barley said hi to his daughter, and followed us into the house saying 'come on (dd) hurry up...'

I think maybe his gf must have got in a mood. yet he has let me down with timing, pick up, not showing up, god he has let my dd down time and time again.

I know this is the same old post fromme, but i seriously question myslef at times like this, but I really dont want to do him any favours. Itsbecause i have just passed my driving test, and he has asked me 3 times now about dropping her off. Tought shit, make a f ing effort you loser.

I feel like i am living in a neverending nightmare of ups and downs. Always on edge, and always feeling like I am nobody.

he is being the lowest of the low. This isnt your fault at all, but unfortunately you will have to see him for your dds sake for a long time. State in writing to him that u are unwilling to provide transport for him to see dd, that is his responsibility, no question. Unless u are prepared to do it and he give u petrol money in advance and the drop off is always at his house and no where else. maybe go back to legal position and speak to a solicitor explaining that this behavoir is damaging to ur dd, maybe it could go back to court stating specific times dates for the forseeable future. Keep a diary and good luck.

I wish you all the strength in the universe... it sounds like you're going to need it.

hugs

pirate how is he going to arrange visitation when he dont want to speak to you, is he going to send you smoke signals I think now is the time to put your foot down, your childs mental health is more important than a slip of paper giving your ex PR, in future dont tell your daughter of any impending visits so that way if he dont turn up or goes back on his word then she is none the wiser.

I would definately go back to your solicitor and let them know whats going on, a court cant force him to see his child when arranged, but then nor can they force you to be at your ex's beck and call when he decides he wants to see her, please be strong and stick to your guns and you will win through in the end

At least you're both managing to ensure there is contact with both of you which is great. Not all parents manage that.

No reason he can't hire someone to collect her as lot of us have to do who pay for child care. His cost. His hassle to arrange.

yes, i was a bit about the not speaking bit.

I've emailed his parents, i dont care anymore, they ned to now and i told them he is a bully, and is being stupid. His mum is going to ring him, but is worried about how it will reflect on me.

i dont give a monkeys. He twists his parents round to his liking too, just generally behaves like a child.

I think I will give my solicitor a call, to update on the situation.

xx

hi pg how you feeling tonight? ((((((((((((((((pg)))))))))))))))))))

i meant that witht the access arrangements written down legally and formally it kind of goes against him with his lack of effort. just keep an informal record, sort of like a diary (but wiht no swearing!) that you could show the courts (if gets to that stage) abnout how much of an effort he has really made.

hi pg how you feeling tonight? ((((((((((((((((pg)))))))))))))))))))

i meant that witht the access arrangements written down legally and formally it kind of goes against him with his lack of effort. just keep an informal record, sort of like a diary (but wiht no swearing!) that you could show the courts (if gets to that stage) abnout how much of an effort he has really made.

oops

hi frans, not too bad thanks.

not heard a peep since friday, but i am in the dark as to wether he is going away towork or not, too scared to text him. I need to know if he is gonna be around for dd this weekend

Hi this is my first time on here and I'm already comforted to see that I'm not the only one going through all this #$%* with the ex.
I've been single for 9 months now and moved 170 miles away from my ex to be near my family again after putting up with his possessiveness and badmouthing of my friends and family for 20 months.
He sees our son, who's 2 and a half, every other weekend but refuses to have any contact with his boy for the 12 days they are apart (cos it would hurt HIM too much)and he currently has him there with him for a whole week. I'm missing my son like mad! I talk to him each evening but my ex refuses to tell me anything about what they've been doing. He's purposefully doing things (like not so healthy food, too much tv, no potty training, etc) just to wind me up. It's driving me crazy. Any advice or experience out there??

thats basically what they do, they want to somehow take an element of control, and they will do anything, however pathetic to make a point.

He is being childish. I hope oyu canhold on in there and welcome your son back asap.

So am I right in thinking that even moving away from them doesnt help??? As this is something I am considering at times.

I am sorry you are going through this and I am "proud" of you for persevering. Contact with the father is important.

Proud in inverted commas because it is silly to be proud of someone one has never met.

You said something earlier on about reporting him to the DVLA. I am intrigued by that. Why should you report him? Is he driving while banned? If so then I don't really think you should entrust DD to him - his insurance etc will be totally invalid and there are safety issues to consider.

hi, he has epilepsy, and whilst we were together some yrs ago, he would ocassionaly feel unwell, but not have full blown fits.

At the time he still drove,it was our life line, living here in the middle of nowhere.

You have to be controlled and fit free for a yr to have your driving license. I KNOW for certain he had a seizure last yr, as he told me so. I dont know when.

yet the bitch in me, (which is not a thing aI am proud of) says, hey you nkow what, hit him where it hurts.

He's making such a fuss over coming to pick dd up, since I got my driving licence (only 6 weeks ago) that I might just make it really impossible for him.

I have no proof of any fit, tho, I guess i am just wanting to report him in pure vengence.

Well that's different. Don't make it impossible for him.

i have no idealike i said wether he shouldbe driving or not. Yes there is a safety issue, but i have no proof, no would i be wnating to get involved with the dvla.

I just dont know what to do from now on. He has siad he no longer wants to speak to me, yet I dont know if he is away or working this weekend.

its not right that I just get a text giving dd about 5 hrs notice, and also its not fair to expect her to get sued to the idea she's going in that time

You know what, i have heardnothing since friday, and I am actually SCARED to text him to find out what the plans are.

I have emailed hi mother, to see if she nkows if he is going away. no answer yet tho, but she is in another country.

fgs, this is so ridiculous.

Moving away is useful in some ways but the issue of travel and stuff keeps coming up. thanks for the reassurance, are you any closer making a decision about the driving thing? that's a tough one

from what I know with previous friends who have had custody battles, if your ex agrees to certain visiting arrangements then doesn't stick to them the court can stop his right to see them at all. Make it clear that you are not willing to be messed around and that if he doesnt make the effort to get your DD when he agrees then you will not be helping him, and that if he doesnt turn up on time you will take him back to court with the express intent of stopping access, even if you do not want to do this it might scare him into doing what is right!!!

i emailed his mother to ask her (ffs) if he is going away.

She has replied saying that she spoke to him last night(wed) and he said he was picking dd up firday, which was news to me. BUT she has also spoken to him tonight, beause she got my email, and that, no he IS going away afterall. Yes I'm confused too.

She said, he can't help it, he has to go on a course.

Anyway, he left me a message after talking to his mummy, all sweetness and light, saying his mum had said i was wondering if he was indeed coming this weekend, and he hoped dd wasn't still so upset, and if she is then 'GET her to ring me' PMSL

dd is 5

oh, yeah and he'll see if he can ring next week, and hopes everything is ok, and yes, for me to 'take care' {puke emoticon]

wanker.

ugh, get your visiting arrangements down on paper and make him stick to them, DD is not a toy to play with when he has time. You and her deserve better than this.
x

Yes i think paper comunication is acceptable to him. I just thank god i havent to deal with him in person for another couple of weeks.

xx

well i got a nessage form him last night, funnily enuff it he must have tried to ring at the exact time i turned my phone off b4 putting dd to bed.

He was like, 'as I am under strict instructions not to call your home phone, i wont'--um yeah, 'so please tell dd i love and miss her as you seem to have turned your phone off'

Gawd almighty, i canhonestly say i tirne it off around that time each night, thinking, well dd is now going to bed, and thats it for today. I don't have many friends who converse by text or ring me on the mobile. Yet he got in a huff cos a dared to not have my phone on.

I just feel like he is always trying to control what I do. My phone has been on for 11 days, and he hadnt called in all that time, so why does he expcet it to be on when he chooses to call.?

I dont allow him to ring my house unless its an emergency when he has dd, this is becuase when he had my home number b4, he used to keep on and on at me, ringing all the time to be abusive. So i changed my number. But when he found out, i cinceded, that it wouldnt be good if there was a problem when he has dd.

His tone today was dismissive and angry. last time he was pleasant and explained what was going on with him going away (prompted by his mum).

Oh yeah (sorry but need to vent) I am on good terms with his mum, and i said that i am thinking of going to a solicitor to get the contact dates and times put down on paper, as that might, justmight make him see its serious, this visiting lark. His mother and father have said i must not do this, that I mustnot involve dd, with a solicitor, and it is not good for her. I siad I'm not trying to stop their son seeing her, i am doing the exact oposite, as i have always done.
lol, they said, 'it is your dispute, not dd's, that you have with (son)', 'dd is a happy child and should not be included in any form of oficial letter of arrangement'

um, is that overprotective of there son oh what.

no wonder his priorities and stuff are crap.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i am feeling really down today, its like a heavy feeling of lowness. How do i ignore all this crap, i wish i could.

Morning PG

Tbh I wouldn't tell your in laws anything else wrt access or anything as they will only try and talk you out of it.

I think getting arrangements down on paper so that everyone knows where they stand is a god idea, and you are doing it for your dd's benefit not to drag her into something, so thats just nonsense.

I'm not sure how you ignore all of the crap, keeping busy sometimes works for me, it's just having the motivation to do something in the first place isn't it.

No wonder you are fed up, it sounds very draining.

I would send a letter saying sort your shit out or dont see dd, you are not messing her about, she will be here for you to pick up at the allotted times but if you miss these then you will not allow him access at all. I did this with my ex (although nothign was written down) and he hasnt seen dd1 in almost 8yrs, doesnt bother me he is a waste of space and cannot offer her anything. At least she has a secure life and isn't being let down by him, much more important to me than what he wanted.

I understand its different for you as your dd is older but maybe the threat of him losing her would make him sort himself out if deep down he was a decent person?

I am sooooooooo drained, and foronce can't seem to follow my own advice that I try to give to others on here.

He left, but he's not gone, grr.

Hey nut we should just do a houseswap!

oh yeah, nut, I go thru phases of not saying anything at al to inlaws, then soemtihgn big happens and I just feel I need to tell them. I wish they would confront him, but I know they don't becuase he would throw the toys out the pram and prob cut them off.

I guess i should draw the line now withthem, and try and geton without them being included.