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Original poster

School report

34 replies

sanityisamyth · 25/07/2019 21:05

I don't know if I'm being particularly sensitive but this is the second time it's annoyed/upset me.

My DS was at a lovely nursery/prep school (only up to reception). He's moving school for year 1 so I don't know whether to say something or not.

The head of the pre-prep writes a comment as a closing statement to the school report along the lines of "I hope DS, and the whole of the Smith family have a lovely summer holiday"

We haven't been a family since ExH went online dating when DS was 10 months old (after an emotional relationship with an 18 year old) and I kicked him out when DS was 13 months old after ExH was seeing someone else whilst we were still married.

It's bound to be a standard comment on all of the reports and separated parents are not common at the school, so she may not realise that her copy and paste (apart from changing the child's name and "surname family") might be really upsetting for someone who actually isn't a family anymore.

Would you e-mail her to let her know?

OP posts:
Original poster
sanityisamyth · 25/07/2019 21:16

The other really galling thing is ExH has not paid a penny towards DS fees despite inheriting a huge amount of money and going to a very well known private school himself.

Because he's on the birth certificate he also gets copies of DS's reports, and will also have read the comment. 😡

OP posts:
Starlight456 · 25/07/2019 22:28

Tbh you are a family.

There is just me and Ds.. no contact from dad we are a whole family just small.

loopy42 · 25/07/2019 22:32

Your still a family...family does not just mean mum dad and child.

MrPickles73 · 25/07/2019 22:35

You ate blowing this out of proportion. It is a throw away one liner. Your child may consider his grandparents as part of his family? My DH is an only child and his parents are dead - I consider DH, our kids and my parents our family. You can draw the line where you like.

readitandwept · 25/07/2019 23:21

My DS is my family.

I certainly wouldn't email her. I think it's nice that she made the effort and a shame that anyone would put her down for that.

OldAndWornOut · 25/07/2019 23:26

Families come in all shapes, sizes and forms.

Dillydallyingthrough · 25/07/2019 23:29

Me and my DD are a family - I wouldn't email her, she was being nice.

Spookydot · 25/07/2019 23:31

Is the problem that the head used the surname “smith” when it is not your surname?
Then yes, I would expect a fee paying school to use the right names. They could have just said “I hope Ds and his family have a wonderful summer.”
Maybe you are being sensitive but if you are paying, I would expect a bit of sensitivity.

PennyGold · 25/07/2019 23:35

You're being so ridiculous. You know it's a "throw away comment" so why bring it up?! A family isn't a stereotypical "man, woman and child".
Yet another post trying to "stir" things with teachers.
Had they not put a lovely comment at the end of the school report I'd imagine we see posts along the line of "oh no personation of school reports after said child has been there a year".
I'm so tired of teachers getting constantly undermined!
You are being SO unreasonable!

Original poster
sanityisamyth · 26/07/2019 07:37

@PennyGold I am a teacher. I've written thousands of school reports. I've always born in mind parental situations when writing closing comments so I don't think your comment was particularly helpful.

However, thank you to everyone else. Your responses is why I checked here. I get it that families come in all shapes etc. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
sanityisamyth · 26/07/2019 07:39

@Spookydot the report used my surname, which is my married surname as well as DS's name and ExH name, so that bit wasn't a problem. Smith was given as an example.

OP posts:
Charley50 · 26/07/2019 07:41

I agree with everyone else. You and DS are a family.

Fibbke · 26/07/2019 07:43

It sounds like a warm and heartfelt message. She's a head teacher, not your best friend. Please don't email her.

AppleKatie · 26/07/2019 07:46

I don’t understand the issue either. You are still a family.

Lindy2 · 26/07/2019 07:48

You and your DS are a family. Possibly your DS has grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins etc. as a wider family.
Yes it's a general comment but it's meant to be a pleasant closing remark and not designed to be offensive. I think you are being a little over sensitive.

Fibbke · 26/07/2019 07:53

Presumably she has no idea whether you have a partner, a lover, a huge extended family?

Original poster
sanityisamyth · 26/07/2019 07:55

@fibbke she knows exactly what the situation is. Ironically the 18 year old that ExH had a relationship with started working at the school the year after DS started there. She knew exactly how difficult the whole situation was.

OP posts:
Original poster
sanityisamyth · 26/07/2019 07:57

@Lindy2 it's basically just DS and me. Grandparents aren't really interested, my siblings are even less so, he has no cousins. My cousins children are not close to him in age. When we all meet up once a year he's ignored by everyone.

OP posts:
Fibbke · 26/07/2019 07:57

Ok, well if you email her now will you keep emailing her if your situstion changes?

Honestly have a nice relaxing summer and forget aboit it

DDIJ · 26/07/2019 07:59

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Original poster
sanityisamyth · 26/07/2019 07:59

@Fibbke no I wouldn't as DS has now left. I won't e-mail her. I'll just ignore the comment. I know it was meant kindly but I just find it insensitive.

OP posts:
Fibbke · 26/07/2019 08:02

He's left? Honestly just walk away.

Weightquery · 26/07/2019 08:03

I am a single parent

Don’t you dare imply that my children and I aren’t a “family”!

GeorgiaGirl52 · 26/07/2019 08:14

I am a single parent. My children and I are a family. Don't look for offense where none is intended.

Girliefriendlikescake · 26/07/2019 08:18

I am a lone parent to my dd, didn't realise we weren't a family.... 😐

You are def being over sensitive and projecting your negative feelings about your ex onto the school report.

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