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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Professional Single Parents

354 replies

TeachesOfPeaches · 18/07/2019 08:36

I'm a single full time working mother of one 3 year old in London. As my career is progressing I realise I don't know any parents like myself and I would really like to discuss how others manage childcare, travelling for work, getting a mortgage on your own, tax free childcare etc and I have nobody to discuss this with.

Anyone out there in a similar situation?

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MissB83 · 26/07/2019 10:42

I agree about the weekends, when your only companion is a mostly non verbal 17 month old... usually I try to do something with my mum and dad on one of the weekend days which DS enjoys too, and we get out and about in the town/park and see what's on. Usually I'm quite tired and don't mind an early night but it can be a bit dull having every Friday and Saturday night at home alone!

OhamIreally · 26/07/2019 11:59

I'd be happy to do a London meet up - after school holidays though?

Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 26/07/2019 12:58

@MissB83 I've spent every weekend in for 3 years now and it really does get better as the child gets older and they are more like company. My son and I will get some popcorn or something and sit and watch a family film together.

I remember before he started talking and sometimes I wouldn't have had a proper conversation for the whole weekend!

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MissB83 · 26/07/2019 13:18

TeachesofPeaches yes I will be the mad person starting conversations with the Starbucks employee/checkout person/bus driver just to speak to a grown up GrinI'm fairly introverted so never been a party person very much but hoping to get out with friends at some point!

Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 26/07/2019 14:39

Oh gosh - the people that work in M&S next to my flat know me better than my own family. Use to wander round there daily with the pram just to be around other human beings!

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ZillaPilla · 26/07/2019 14:56

Jess at the village post office knows WAY more about my life that she strictly needs to know!

Sometimes I'll see someone and they'll say (once they can get a word in) "you haven't spoken to an adult all day, have you?".

Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 26/07/2019 15:42

And when you do speak to an adult you point at the sky and say 'ooh look aeroplane/helicopter/seagull!' then realise you're in the wrong company.

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ZillaPilla · 26/07/2019 15:44

Nahhh, that's just you Peaches Wink

I just open my mouth and start blathering. I can hear myself. I'm boring myself, so how I can expect anyone else to be interested is beyond me.
Must be some sort of social survival thing. Strange thing is that sometimes I wish DSs would Just Stop Talking for 1 minute!

MissB83 · 26/07/2019 16:09

ZillaPilla I often realise that I have literally nothing to say because I never go anywhere or do anything! I think my DS is the only thing I have to talk about and no one else finds him as fascinating as I do (except maybe my mum...).

Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 26/07/2019 16:13

Me too! I recently became extra aware of this when in a group conversation and my contributions mainly related to BBC iplayer and Netflix Confused

Either that or I talk about one of the many many parks and playgrounds I attended at the weekend.

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Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 26/07/2019 16:20

Even worse I talk about posts I seen on MUMSNET - AS IF YOU ARE MY REAL FRIENDS! Omg the shame Blush

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ZillaPilla · 26/07/2019 16:35

I do have my 20 YO DS here at times as well. Today the poor lad had to listen to me going on about the MN trans thread about people born male but identifying as women and saying they have periods. Or some such rubbish. He was Confused

MissB83 · 26/07/2019 17:53

Haha oh yeah I can definitely give some advice on what TV to watch!

MissB83 · 26/07/2019 19:10

Has anyone else struggled with feeling a bit underrecognised at work after having kids?

Before I had DS I was doing a role that I had a lot of experience for and was viewed as a stronger member of the team. Due to the way my (public sector) organisation is set up, having taken 12 months off I went back into a different role at the same grade but different managers etc, and different type of work which I have almost zero experience in. That has been quite hard to get up to speed with (along with sleep deprivation and buying a house amongst other things!). However I'm 6 months in and starting to feel more confident but I just feel sort of passed over, as if I'm the idiot of the team! I'm still the newest in the team and it IS a highly specialist team, but the next newest person has only been there a month longer and seems to be doing more challenging work. She is FT with no kids. I am a single mum and work 4 days a week. I just worry that I am not going to be given the opportunity to get better without getting meaty work. I also like being busy and working hard because it stops me missing DS when I'm away from him! I think partly it's an ego thing because I'm at a point where I would have been due for promotion if I hadn't had a year out to have my son, now I can't even think about going through the difficult promotion process with a young child.

Any advice wise single parents?

Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 26/07/2019 19:40

Just noticed that a new series of Better Things is on Iplayer. Single mum tv show.

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DropOfffArtiste · 26/07/2019 19:44

I thought that was a little close to the bone to be funny.

anothermansmother · 26/07/2019 19:51

Yep I remember calling my mum each weekend just do I'd talked to another adult. The early days were really hard. Now I play taxi to the millions of activities that they do. Plus I've found my church really helped, seeing other people and being part of a family of sorts...except when I get stupid comments like when you meet someone else it will be easier. Hmm

riaviolet · 27/07/2019 01:52

I'm so glad I've stumbled on this post...
I've become a LP in the last week or so and just come back off mat leave back into full time work in public sector. I get up at 5am and take my 9 month old daughter to her grandparents and then get to my workplace for 8am. Also so the same in the evening... Don't get in til 7pm.
Also have bills and mortgage to pay... I'm hoping things get better..

Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 27/07/2019 07:13

Hi @riaviolet welcome to the thread. I was you 3 years ago. I became a single parent on mat leave and went back to work full time with an 8m old. I had moved to a new area so had no family or friends to help out and relied on childcare I had found on childcare.com. It was a truly terrifying time, especially as I was then going through family court for the next 2.5 years and having to get a non-molestation order against my ex. I cried a lot, from exhaustion and frustration.

IT WILL GET BETTER. This is a promise. My son is 3.5 now and we have so much fun.

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Soopermum1 · 27/07/2019 09:22

For MissB38.

You'll have seen from my thread that I'm taking a step back career wise for now. I'm not earning any less, or doing any less, just not doing that extra 20% or whatever it takes to get the meatier work/ more recognition/ promotion.

I just don't have the energy and it shows.

It does upset me though, and I steer clear of LinkedIn, where I see some of my peers are now at VP level. Some have kids, some don't. It's like the Facebook of careers, everyone looks so accomplished on there.

I think you have to think about what you really want, for now. Fair or not, you have a bit of catching up to do and you'll need to keep up that extra pace for a fair while before it's recognised. Again, fair or not, working 4 days might go against you. If so, speak to your boss and ask for the meatier work and devise a plan to stretch yourself. And if your boss makes any mention of your personal situation, shut it down immediately.

I've decided that I'm just having a career hiatus for now, not going forwards but not backwards either. Treading water and gaining experience until the time is right for me to take the next step. I get the ego thing but I've just had to go with it, for now, it won't be forever.

MissB83 · 27/07/2019 11:05

Soopermum1 thank you for your reply! That is a healthy way to think about things actually. Not going forwards but not drowning either. I know a few people who lost their jobs/careers when they had children and so I feel fortunate that hasn't happened and grateful to have a professional job that I can balance with my childcare responsibilities. What I try to tell myself is that someone else could always do my professional role (or work that I could be doing) but my DS has only one mum and no one else can do that job, I'm not really willing to compromise time with him or my energy to be with him by slaving away to get promoted or do more hours, so that's the answer isn't it?

ZillaPilla · 27/07/2019 18:35

Ho hum. DS2 saw his dad today. Long long story but since March he has seen him 4 afternoons. Each time he's then foul until he blows up and then crashes and sobs. Nothing bad happens it just too much for him to handle emotionally.
I'm sad that it's like this for him and I'm also resentful I get the back lash.

riaviolet · 27/07/2019 18:52

@TeachesOfPeaches - Thanks so much for making me feel abit better... It's been a hard few weeks, just getting used to the childcare run... My family live in London and I'm based in Manchester so wholly relying on myself to do everything.. LG still sees her dad every fortnight so have abit of time to myself...

Original poster
TeachesOfPeaches · 02/08/2019 17:43

So it's the end of the working week - well done us. Now, just need to get through the pile of washing and get the hoover out Grin

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Whoseagooddoggiethen · 02/08/2019 18:05

Bank holiday weekend here in Ireland so three full days off to spend hopefully in the garden getting a tan!!!