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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I hate contact, it's such a pita

45 replies

disneyspendingmoney · 23/06/2019 13:36

You would think contact is about the DC's having a good time with their estranged parent. I mostly guess they do, my ex's favourite gets all the attention and they both get filled with sugar and bought tat. But the rest of it is such a pain.

If I don't have the DC's all neat and sparkly, ex moans, complains about my parenting, It's not as though the fucker pays any maintenance (wait till hrnrc and CMS catch up with you, you fuckwit, especially over the benefit fraud).

The DC's come back from the contact complaining that all ex does is moan about shit, school, food, clothes, hair even my ability to walk the bastards dogs that I'm saddled with.

It's only 3 hours a week, find something better to do with them other than pick at stuff. my ex caused this all but is in serious denial about this, the dick reckoned that she could manipulate me into giving more contact than what children's protection, cafcass and the court said Even thought that she could manipulate me into giving up primary carer after the final orders from court.

I am fucked off, because the manipulative arsehole tells everyone that it's all my fault and I'm denying access (you should see the shit I get from the in-laws and the snark from people) and forgets to mention the arrests, the at risk register that she caused them to be put on and that four separate agencies, from the police, children's protection, to cafcass, to addiction services that advised the court.

I'm pissed off.

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 23/06/2019 19:14

Yes my ex used to see 2 hours a fortnight. It was pointless.

I was great full for the eow break .

How old are dc? Do they actually want to go?

cakeandchampagne · 23/06/2019 19:20

If you don’t want the dog, it needs a new home.

Original poster

disneyspendingmoney · 23/06/2019 20:01

The DC's sort of want to go, I laboured the point that it was to help build a decent relationship and to try to get past the difficulties. I wish I hadn't I though I was doing the right thing.

I had to call my ex out on some hardcore gaslighting that was done and it's tiresome. Because my ex called dc a liar, ffs. Rather than admit something you'll call your kid a liar, even when DC was their watching the events unfold.

OP posts:

Bandara · 23/06/2019 21:05

A child always needs both parents

Starlight456 · 23/06/2019 21:10

No not always @Bandara.

Ideally both parents co parent if separated . In some cases nrp are abusive, parent alienation harms children.

My own Ds was been emotionally damaged by been let down over and over again.

Your argument is too simplistic

Original poster

disneyspendingmoney · 23/06/2019 21:24

Funny I've never met anyone irl who says that kids need both parents.

OP posts:

Bandara · 23/06/2019 21:37

I am bewildered at you @disneyspendingmoney. You have them all week , and he only sees them for three hours a week. And you want to stop that? Imagine if you only saw your own children for three hours a week. How would you feel?

Bandara · 23/06/2019 21:40

@Starlight456 if you had the option of one or both parents. What would you choose? Imagine one of your parents being completely cut off from you. Put yourself in the child's shoes

Gingerkittykat · 23/06/2019 21:46

DD used to come back from contact (EOW) acting like a complete brat and used to take till the Tuesday to calm down again. I also had my parenting nit picked and ripped to shreds when I was the only one who actually did any parenting.

So, yes, I understand why you hate contact and there were no child protection issues either.

Is it her dog you are saddled with?

Bandara · 23/06/2019 21:50

@gingerkittycat. If you have a child with someone - guess what - that parent may want to see the child. It is weird , the anount of women on here who have a child with a person and then seem to want to erase his entire existence. Very strange and cruel. If I have a child I will never stop them seeing their father. Or use my child as a weapon. I think it is a very very cruel thing to do

Original poster

disneyspendingmoney · 23/06/2019 21:51

I said nothing about stopping it you've decided that one yourself. I'm pissed of with the way my ex uses contact not as enjoyable time with the DC's and to build a good relationship not spend the entire time doing parental alienation. That's s bit of a waste if time for them and her

OP posts:

burnyburny · 23/06/2019 21:51

@Bandara Where did OP say he wants to stop contact?? He didn't. He just wishes his ex didn't spend it being shit.

And no, kids don't need two parents. It might be the preference that they have two decent parents, but one decent one is infinitely better than a decent one and an awful one.

Bandara · 23/06/2019 21:53

@burnyburny so would you rather have one parent or two parents?

Bandara · 23/06/2019 21:55

Okay @disneyspendingmoney fair enough. That is really good that you are making sure they see each other every week.

burnyburny · 23/06/2019 21:56

I would have rather just had my mum. It was a relief when my dad passed when I was little. Unfortunately my mum had already passed before him.

MeltedEggMum · 23/06/2019 21:56

My DC are traumatised by witnessing my stbxh assaulting me. No, they will not be seeing him any time soon, if ever. They experience panic attacks just going near a club we used to attend as a family with him.

Explain how my child "needs" that.

Starlight456 · 23/06/2019 21:58

Actually I used to ask my mum to divorce my dad as he was abusive .

My Ds doesn’t want to see his dad.

In op post there were arrests and children on the at risk register so it doesn’t paint the picture of a great parent.

In an ideal world children wouldn’t be fostered , adopted because parents were neglectful, chose drugs, were unable to care for their children safely .

Not all contact with parents is positive .

Bisset · 23/06/2019 22:02

A child always needs both parents

Utter shit.

From a daughter whose Dad walked out when she was 6 months old without so much as a backwards glance who has a degree from an RG uni, a great job, and well adjusted relationships in her adult life.

Original poster

disneyspendingmoney · 23/06/2019 22:06

If she was reasonable, amenable and amicable, it would be a different story, winding the kids up, playing favourites and spinning up a whole load of bullshit and alt history, when there are police reports, child protection reports, mental health and addiction service reports that the dcs have been at the center of and have lived through and suffered from. It amazes me that all my ex has to do is enjoy their company. You've got no idea the hard work it is to get them out the door just to have the time and it's days like today I wonder why I bother putting in the effort

OP posts:

Gingerkittykat · 23/06/2019 23:11

@Bandara Nobody said anything about erasing the NRP from the child's life. Doesn't mean contact can't bring up a whole load of problems though.

Original poster

disneyspendingmoney · 23/06/2019 23:36

What I feel is that during contact you have a responsibility to the welfare of your kids. Dissing the other parent and then asking the kid not to say anything isn't being responsible for the best interests of the child's emotional well-being.

I called my ex out on today's shit, DD asked me not to because she is scared of my ex. Not long ago did got a text saying "I thought I could trust you blah blah blah" df is a straight arrow, for all the shit she's been through she's a good honest mixed up kid. And now she had this on her plate. Another load of emotional manipulation. Last things she said to me "I wish I never told you".

I don't get it about estranged parents, what us it about them that they want to continue to fuck things up. It's quite easy to be reasonable, the court was quite clear in what they expect.

I dunno is this be being a toxic parent by saying to my ex, you've crossed a line with what you said to the kids during contact.

My youngest is pretty ok atm as she get ignored most if the time during contact.

Frankly, I don't know what to do next. I'm not going to reduce contact becsuse even though I don't want to go through this, the dds have a right for the status quo to remain as it is and not to be messed around further. But given that vile emotional manipulation and taking out on someone is just do wrong.

I wish there was a contact karma fairy, to do some payback, maybe in another life.

OP posts:

pikapikachu · 23/06/2019 23:39

The court has ordered 3 hours of contact- it's pretty obvious why he didn't get at least EOW and one night midweek Bandara.

Sometimes kids are better off with just one parent. Sometimes SS is right to remove children from both parents. Sometime adults cause physical, emotional or sexual harm to kids and it sounds like the professionals have proof that the children are better off with 3 hours a week so I can only imagine how bad the proof is. Trying to make people feel bad for a professionally assessed quantity of contact is unfair.

Bandara · 24/06/2019 08:47

@Bisset can you write a message without swearing? I think in your case - it is different. Your parent chose not to maintain contact. If a parent wants to maintain contact, they should be allowed to

HotChocolateLover · 24/06/2019 08:52

@Bandara What a ridiculous thing to say. A child doesn’t always need both parents, it is very dependent on circumstances.

Bisset · 24/06/2019 09:27

@Bisset can you write a message without swearing*

Certainly.

Unless the post I'm replying to is utter, unmitigated nonsense.

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