slowly falling apart

[disneyspendingmoney]

I'm a dad who has custody of 2 DDS (and two dogs) with little or no help and support.

I'm slowly falling apart and don't think I can deal with all this. This last week has been difficult. Monday I had a work trip and spent most of the day worrying that I wouldn't get home for the end of after school club.

Tuesday/Wednesday my (micro)manager, micro managed. That was something I was able to park. Thursday, I discovered the DD2 had emptied the best part of a pint of chocolate milk on to her 6 day old new mattress, because I hadn't got around to getting a mattress protector.

Then Friday I had the final court session to determine child arrangements and custody. Later Friday DD1 then messed up badly (it involved a crew of doubious friends and alcohol - she's 12) which resulted in a grounding. Because she resents the grounding, she's being very stroppy and is not getting it at all.

I'm very frustrated with her because I'm not able to get it through and somehow my explainations are do bad that I messed it up even more.

On top of this I have a very toxic X who keeps on messing with my head and when she finds out about this rant, it'll be used yet again. The DDS are on a child protection plan because if my X's alcoholism (she was basically removed from and asked not to return to the family home). Yet she's now making it out to be all my fault event though yesterday social services supported me in court.

I'm tired and worn out, the cost of lawyers has skyrocketed and I'm worrying about bills etc. Christmas is just around the corner and I've been reasonable with X about contact, but our first Christmas with just the three of us won't be right and the DDS will be told so. Also I have the spy glass of social services seeing the DDS every 10 days.

I'm slowly becoming a toxic parent and I don't want that for my girls. I need to find a way to stop it. I could switch to not bothering about what DD1 gets up to but long term it's going to make things worse.

I did a parenting course which was all about modeling good behaviour and I try to do that all the time. But I suspect this morning's rant has undone any good that it may have done.

I'm worn out, tired and have to face the ongoing criticism by my ex as well as feeling like an abject failure as a parent. I'm worried something is going to crack inside me soon.

And I've just had dd1s friend talking to me about her self diagnosed depression and suicide ideation and her mum isn't answering

I've just taken drastic action to fix this problem, been out to the all night Tesco's bought three different tubs of ice cream for dd1, dd2 and dd1's mate and put on mean girls 2.

Im on my own with 3 mucg younger boys. Today has felt endless. I was so cold and i just couldnt work as hard as they needed me to. Please dont be hard on yourself.

Best advice is take everyday as it comes. You will experience good & bad days with the dd’s

I agree; one day at a time. This teenage stage is the hardest bit yet in my opinion...

it's not that I'm being hard on myself, it's more I haven't got a clue what to do. It was a bit of a jaw droping listening to a 12yo girl I hardly know going in about wanting to commit suicide.

I'm a bit fed up of dd1 listening to some morose shit on YouTube, just because all her friends do. listen to something upbeat not that shite by Hoiser, Melanie Martinez or Halsey, those self indulgent twats are doing kids a disservice Listen to Barbie Girl by Aqua, it's fun and a laff.

it's been a hard day and really, I can't have dd1 friend spend another day & night here.

It sounds hard and hope it’s helping you writing it all down. There are days it feels like it’s utter cr*p and I want to curl up into a ball. Im getting better at finding the good bits in a rubbish day and turning my back on the bad days. I have four plus 1 dog, three of them have ASD.

I have 2 dds and 2 ddogs, this afternoon was good, took dd2 out for a dog walk and we bought one a jumper and the other a dressing gown, that was fun. But this friend of dd1's is really wearing me out. She's wearing dd1 out as well.

I wouldn't have dd1's friend round again. She needs to be your focus, not her friend. I'm sorry for the friend but you can't take on any more problems right now.

I know that doesn't fix your bigger situation but every small step counts.

Well I asked dd1s friend to go home, she asked to take her ice-cream tub, which she threw at the front if the flat. She's now started being really nasty to dd1 and stirring it with her mates.

I've told dd1 this particular "friend" is now no longer welcome here.

I've told dd1 to block the pile on.

So the friend of dd1 who stayed over, is the main cause of dd1 self harm and self loathing. we had a decent chat and it turn out that this "friend" is always telling dd1 to cut and things would be better if they didn't exist.

I've felt that dd1 didn't really want to do this stuff because she used to be such a happy go lucky kid. Whenever she has self harmed she's always has come and told me straight off rather than hide it. She has also said she doesn't like doing it because it hurts.

So after last night's online shitstorm, dd1 has decided to block for the rest of the holidays.

Do these girls all attend the same high school?

Unfortunately yes, I'm in the process of starting to get dd1 moved to a new school. Which in itself will be a new set of challenges.

I think that's the best thing to do, 12 is such a hard age. Have you given her any strategies to use when they go back to school to try and avoid these mean girls?

She is going to find it very hard to detach, as not only are they all in the class most of them are in the same nurture group.

Nurture groups are the best and the worst, because they give kids extra support when they need it but they also throw vulnerable kids together and that doesn't always benefit some kids.
I would let the school know what has been happening. They should be able to take steps to separate them.

I have done, they haven't, so my next step is new school

If they haven't separated your vulnerable dd from a girl who is encouraging her to self-harm then that is really awful. And they are not supporting the other girl very well either, but that's not your problem.
I hope you can find her somewhere better.