I don't feel I'm doing a good enough job on my own

[Pinkchampagne]

I am finding it so hard on my own with the boys, especially with DS1, and I'm getting it all so wrong.

I found a little drawing in DS1's book bag today, which has upset me, & I feel so awful.

I want to get it right, but it is so hard when I am being constantly challanged & sometimes I am guilty of shouting, when I know I shouldn't.

It's harder than I imagined & I don't feel I am doing a good enough job on my own right now.

Thank you to all of you for making me feel a little bit better tonight.
It is hard to get it right, but I am going to try out this new smiley chart with DS tomorrow, and make sure he gets a daily reward of a small amount of money for each good day. Don't know if it will work, but you can but try!

Good Luck, let us know how you get on.

good luck, pc, am thinking of you

Thanks, hope things get better for you too.

I am trying to remain as calm as possible today & start this new chart with both of them, but they are already testing me with their constant squabbles!

I have explained this new chart to the boys. Will report back & let you know if there are any improvements!

hope you have had a ok day???

we did i was in bed reading local paper and saw that there was a carnival going on to mark 40 years of milton keynes, and it was great cause things like this would normally costa bomb but evreything was 40p!!!!! the girls thought it was great cause they were allowed on fair rides etc

and we took a picnic and we got the bus there, we are lucky enough to have a car (works car) but thought it would be more exciting to go by bus!!! and as it was also 40p we madethe most of it

I am not having a good time at all & I really am at the end of my tether.

Went round for a family do, while exH took children round to a friends & then had a key to bring them home.
I return at gone 11pm to find a half asleep exH & both boys fully awake next to him. He says he had just returned from the friends house!
I am now the bad guy for insisting both boys get to bed, and DS1 was shouting out "We don't like mummy"
I am just feeling totally exhausted with it all.

You poor sausage PC. You're really trying hard with your DS1 but it sounds like he's identifying with his Dad, maybe the age he is - needs the male role model, so I don't think you can win, however hard you try - he's just going to keep pushing your buttons. I think I saw something about this on telly with Dr. Tanya Byron - the oldest son felt he could step into his Dad's shoes as the new head (man) of the house - kept being cheeky to his mum. The only thing I can think is that you get your ex to back you up and you both sit down with DS1 and talk to him about his behaviour, that it wasn't (only) your fault that you and his Dad split-up. That you are the adult, he is a child and should be respectful of you. I don't know if your ex would do that? My dd is only 2 and I haven't faced any issues like this with her yet but please don't despair, it's obvious that you really care about your children and put them first. It's a shame that you're having such a rough time. It is tough on your own, you never get a break. I have to plan carefully for the weekends, lots of activities because if we stay in all day, I start to lose it. That's with only one child to think about.

Bloody awful for you.

I have 2 young dcs,and a dp

It is hard enough despite dps input.

Your ex should not be making your dcs party to such statements.How awful for you.Is it a recent split?

Maybe things will calm down in time.

Not much help but hugs for you.xx

The decision was made a year back, but we lived together until 6 weeks ago, when I moved into my own place with the boys.
Feeling really really horribly down & I can't go to bed yet.

Saw your other thread. It's not long since your move which was the real separation, even if you officially split up a year ago. It's still very early days for you so you are bound to feel bad. Men move on really quickly but it doesn't mean that it is anything important or serious. He, of course, has a lot more time for himself because you have the kids so it's easier for him to meet someone. You probably still love him on some level but you didn't want to be with him any more. It just takes time to come to terms with it and you are worn out and stressed so it all seems really bleak right now. Is there a friend or relative you could ring who would still be awake - you sound really down. I don't know you but I'm worried about you.

Bless you, SAN. Really, don't worry about me. I can't believe how upset I am - it's ridiculous!
I was with him 11 years & a lot of me does still love the arsehole, but I know I have done the right thing. Doesn't stop it being harder than hard though!

dont worry please Pinkchampagne
try to focus on something else maybe?
you have made the right decision on those circumstances i guess, so dont worry about that and try to move on.
one point is: boys really need a male model, and maybe you may need more help from their father or another good male model in your lives.
another thing is: it maybe a phase of yr dc. my dd giving me hard time especially for the last couple of weeks, there has been no extra change in our lives, but everyday is like a rollercoster nowadays, one moment she breaks my heart very badly, next she cries saying sorry.
wish you all the best luck
xxx

Thanks TN.x

Hi. I do agree about a male influence in a boy's life expecially. My DS is 2 & just discovered tantrums. Yes its hard work, very hard work but a range of techniques help me. eg I get back from work, spent 10 mins b4 i see him visualising a gd evening with him and what he needs. throw myself into that (very fake sometimes) but I know 3 hrs l8r he'll be in bed & i'll have time to myself

It's like DS1 no longer respects me at all.

my sister was round earlier & she really noticed the change in him. She said it was obviously to be expected, but he was saying things like "I don't like mummy" etc.

They have now gone to my parents with their dad & I have lost it a bit.
I wouldn't lose it in front of them, so I have been fighting back tears until now, but I feel so unhappy right now.

Pinkchampagne - just read through your thread and can empathise with you entirely. This takes me right back to when I was by myself with 2 DCs after my marriage ended. This was years ago now but so much of what you are experiencing reminds me of that time. I'd forgotten how very hard it was ...

Will be aroound later this evening if you are around and want to talk some more.

It will get better I promise

Thank you, Florette.

I really hope it gets better because I'm close to crack up point atm!

Oh, PC this sounds very tough.

Don't be too hard on yourself, though, if you can help it. i don't think any of us know how to get thigs 'right' when we're in new and difficult waters.

tbh I am quite impressed with DS1's little drawing. It shows he is thinking, and understanding, and processing what he has been told. And he knows it is 'because you are tired' or whatever, and not 'because Mummy doesn't like me'. So - be proud, you have a thoughtful little boy, who does know , in quite a sophisticated way, what is going on emotionally.

Nit that that will stop them playing up, of course. Sigh! And there is probably somehting in what the TA says.

exH really isn't helping by letting them run riot til 11pm and doing nothing about ti til you get home, though. Talk about stacking up issues for you to deal with. How exasperating. And having them tired the next day is no picnic, either, I bet. But not sure what you can do about it. And it is hard to arrange a definite pattern that teh boys can bet used to as he works shif work and hasn't moved into his permanent new home yet. I wonder if, until he has, the boys aren't thinking 'there's still a chance'?

Sorry it's so damn hard, PC.

feeling pretty low today, Blu. It is all getting right on top of me quite a lot.

I'm finding it so hard on my own with the boys, and finding out about ex H's tart has really knocked me, even though it shouldn't really.

Eh? Tart? What tart? I must search on your name and catch up.

Blimey, no wonder tyou are down. I gather this means he's seeing someone? Well, that will knock you sideways and back again, i should think. Whether you are together or not, whether it was your choice or not, that always seems like one of those hurdles to be got over.

And you are exhausted, and still facing a lot re the SEN agenda...not to mention your family. I'd feel as if i had the world on mys houlders in your position, PC, eally i would. AND it's freezing, raining and downright dispriting.

Hey - well done for getting a pat on the back in your job - v well deserved, too, no doubt!

Found out about the tart last night, Blu. There is another thread in lone parents section. Last night was not a good night all in all & I am not coping great with everything today.

Despite watching Dispatches the other night, I feel in need of a large drink tonight!