What do you find the hardest?

[Rosegoldlilly]

Thought I'd start a thread about what you found the hardest about being a single parent.
Mine would have to be the evenings. When you want to talk to someone about you day but there's no one there. Or when you're watching tv and want to talk and laugh about it with someone but no one's there.

So what's your hardest thing?

Ah, see I love not having anyone around to watch TV. It's just such a level of freedom being able to watch what I want.

Mine are still little - 4, 2 & tiny baby, so I miss having someone else just THERE as an extra pair of hands. A call down the stairs "can you bring up a pull up, I've left the pack downstairs!" Or "can you have a look for magic bunny, he's not up here" etc. Having to physically do all the dinner/bath/bed stuff myself for three kids is just so draining.

I can handle the child. I did all of that anyway. And this is the one time I've been able to watch what I want on Tele for years but in an ideal world I'd have company to watch it with but someone who actually wants to. But that's not the worst thing.

The pressure of meals and tidying and cleaning and money is a lot. Simply knowing that's to me. Cos that's what I did have help with

Not having someone who is as interested in my children as me.. and not just celebrating success, all the little things they do every day that you wish you could share.

The relentlessness of it all.

I was just saying tonight how I don’t shout anymore, not since XH and I separated 4 years ago. I don’t have the anxiety any more, so despite all the responsibility and relentlessness, it’s worth it.

That's a very good point Nickname
My relationship was very (emotionally & financially, occasionally physically) abusive. There's still great relief in knowing I can close my front door & be at peace, not dreading what was to come.

Definitely just the loneliness of not having someone there to chat to, discuss worries/idea with or even just make me a cup of tea

I'm a lone parent to 4 with no financial or emotional support from ex

I'm really quite depressed, anxious and down at moment and friends just don't get it, they are all married with kids and always out etc as they have couple things/friends and when I tell them how bad things are they just say oh yeah I know it's hard when my husband is away with work for 4 nights I hate it.... yeah but you husband is off earning 200k for your family is a phone call away and when he gets back on Thursday you will have a lovely family weekend together and you will even get the day off to go treat yourself while he spends time with the little ones

Feeling extra sensitive as it's my birthday this weekend and my friends have cancelled on my evening out I was so looking forward to

I feel like the odd one out, apart. From my friends who are not single. Which I'm sure it's just me feeling that but that's how I feel at the minute

The hardest part is knowing that i will be repairing damage caused by exhs selfish behaviour till the day i die. Just wish he could see that our 3 boys need two parents, not 1 parent and a "mate", but then they have never been a priority and still arent, infact they come below his job, social life and girlfriend....our 9 year old has realised, his 3 and 4 year old brothers havent yet.

The snowball effect of everything being twice as hard. There is never time to catch up on housework, sleep, admin etc. I'm a decade in and have eight years until my youngest goes to uni. I've forgotten what it's like to feel rested and enjoy life.

I've gone a bit loopy talking to myself too .

Just wanted to send to all of you. We are all in this together as we understand each other and the struggles we go through.
I also second the oh it's tough while my DH is away. 4 days or so is nothing! We do it day in and day out

Feeling alone?
Insecure?
Feeling Guilty for bringing a child into the world after her father got cold feet?
Not being able to eat my food or drink my tea while it's hot or in peace.
Slowly feeling like I am losing myself.

I also hate that when I suggest to someone I'm having a hard time they almost always reply with "it could be worse"... of course it could, but surely if thinking about how life could be worse could stop you from feeling so down, nobody would ever suffer from depression? I just feel like I can't talk about how hard it is because my life choices led me to this situation and so it's my fault and i should suck it up. Well, that's how I feel other people think anyway.

Feeling emotional today. Could do with an adult hug. Not a baby hug who just pulls my hair or scratches my face.

SoFa how old is your little one? Ds dad left when I was pregnant and I felt EXACTLY like you do when he was a baby. He’s 6 now, and I promise it gets easier. You start to find yourself again when they start school. I know it’s hard - I mean, I posted on this thread earlier so I feel it too, but I’m a bit further on down the line than you are and I just wanted to say hang on in there. Sending you adult hugs (sounds vaguely porno that, you know what I mean I hope )

@redwineandcrisps my DD is 6 months old. And my ex also left when I was pregnant. I'm glad that someone who has been in the same position says it will get easier. People around me who don't have kids, are trying to tell me how to feel and it's frustrating. And they don't understand, I can't just go and do stuff like they can. I just want someone who understands that, someone who will keep me company every now and then for a couple of hours or accompany me to soft play with DD for an hour. I would feel so much better if I had a friend who understood, just so I could be me for an hour or so.
How is your son finding it without his dad being around? I get anxiety when I think about DD asking about her dad when she's older. I don't want her to feel shitty cos he changed his mind and didn't want her.
Hahah thank you I know what you meant and I very much appreciate it x

I keep this thread on my phone, to remind me how far I’ve come (I have name changed since then!) but you can see how I felt, how raw it was, that you aren’t alone. I have friends now, made through school, and Ds is happy and content. It’s not easy, I’m always broke still and I miss having someone there for me, but I am happy and we are thriving.

Ds sees his dad once a month and has minimal contact in between (Ds dad choice) and like you I felt responsible for him having a rubbish dad. Honestly, Ds takes it in his stride. I’ve always said families come in different shapes and sizes, and I’m very low key reassuring about it. I make sure he know we don’t need a daddy - I can do everything that a mummy AND daddy does, and to be honest, we borrow other people’s dads where we need to - people like to help if you let them (I never did, so I get that it’s hard!) Your DD will know no different to only living with you, so she won’t miss what she doesn’t know.

I still have (regular) times where I just don’t feel I can do it, but I think I’ve got the experience now to know I CAN, and you can too. Be kind to yourself honey, you are doing an amazing job

I'm glad you've come so far! You do sound like a really good mum and your son is lucky he has you!
The thought of having to wait until DD starts school to make friends makes me a little less positive though. But I suppose time will fly by and I'm probably just having an off day today (or week maybe I'm not sure lol)
I will (hopefully) bring DD up knowing she won't need dad and she will have enough love around her not to feel like she's missing out on anything, although her dad has seen her a few times, he'll text now and then asking about her but i feel like it's going to dwindle down to nothing very soon.
I want to enjoy my time with her, especially as I'm still on maternity leave, but because everything is so hard I feel like I'm not good enough for her, she's such a happy smiley baby, she deserves the same in her mum. I hope this shitty mood passes. I'm going to try and have a long bath and watch a film tonight, even though I'm tired, just to give me some "me time". Hopefully I can feel how you do in the near future @redwineandcrisps

Family court 🙄

and feeling like I am always going to be working so hard just to keep my head above water

That said, I think it is better being a single parent than a miserable one so that my favourite own, being happy again

Ordering food and drink in a cafe then DD deciding she's desperate for the loo. Taking her to the loo then coming back to find our table has been cleared. We are on holiday the two of us and it happened again this evening.

My niece came to stay and emptied the dishwasher. I cried because I couldn't remember the last time it hadn't been me who had done that.

@ohamIreally

I hate that. It might not work on holiday if it's not English speaking as they may not understand you, but in the UK I always leave our coats, a book, a glasses case etc over the table so it's obvious we havnt left the premises. If I come back to an empty table then I just go up and say "our drinks/food have been cleared but we hadn't finished any of it?" And when they say they thought we had left, I point out the many items belonging to me still on the table and then say that I paid for those drinks and food so what are they going to do to fix it... They usually remake the order.

Yes I worried about this as well. I'd sometimes tell them that we're just going to toilet and we haven't finished so they know.

But when we went on holiday this year all inclusive it happened a lot!! But we could just go up and get more otherwise I would have said something!

The hardest bit for me is the constant stream of decisions I have to make.Like many lone parents I walk a tight rope, with time and money being rather limited. I find it stressful and tiring when so many things have to be carefully considered - when to save money, when to spend them, how to use up my holiday allowance to cover childcare, when to use the weekend to catch up on chores and when to use it to rest.
After my long marriage with a narcissist I suffer from chronic guilt and inadequacy (I always feel like I've not done enough) so I push myself too hard then I'm too exhausted to do anything.
If I ever find the courage to have a relationship again, I would really appreciate a fair organizer. :-)