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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Bedroom dilemma

40 replies

GrumblyinHants · 04/10/2018 12:27

Hi ladies first time posting here, hope it's not too trivial for advice. Sorry for

Bit of backstory, have dd with EX, she's 3 n a bit now. He's lived in a shared house her whole life and so has only had an overnight once at his parents for family event and once when we both got snowed in earlier this year. I'm ok with this I agree staying at his was unsuitable. He sees her every week and when he has money takes her soft play swimming or farm park otherwise local park or my living room when I go and do things (I know I know - he doesn't live local and I prefer that to dd spending half the visits in the car n then his skanky house iyswim)
Anyway some point in the spring, easter maybe his new gf bought a house and moved him in a few months later. First I'd heard of her. But he's been seeing her over a year.

Still didn't ask for overnights in the summer cause they were apparently refitting everything, DD been round his new pkace a few times but cause the weather was so good dd and ex mostly beengoing on days out down here or swimming as usual.

Now it's not so nice I've agreed dd can have overnights, only 2 so far. Not really thought much of it ex is a bit of a twat but competent enough so far. Just usual missing my baby

Anyway dd let it slip she does not have a bedroom there. Not even a spare room they have her on an air bed in the downstairs study! It's a 3 bed house with an annex flat so I'm livid! I ask ex wth and he said something about the second bedroom being gfs work studio or some crap and the 3rd room he says "it has stuff in it" and is "too small to be a bedroom" his granddad lives in the annex.

I'm livid I really am he can't even give his own child a proper Bedroom!! She's 3 how can a room be too small !? Not sure what stuff in it even means. Or if it's her doing ?

I don't know where I stand here, can I make him give her a proper Bedroom? Can I stop overnights until she has a room? Do I have any right to check the house for safety (started to think the house isnt finished if there are rooms full of stuffbefore she goes there again? I hate the idea of my dd stuck in a dining room on an air bed in her own house!

We are driving dd up there this weekend can I insist on an inspection before handover? Is this allowed. I thought I was ok with this but now I'm cringing at he thought if my dd shoved out of the way in a strange house with strange woman and ex thinking this is fine!!

OP posts:

Inaminuteplease · 06/10/2018 07:35

@GrumblyinHants if you feel you're being taken for a ride I would definitely recommend contacting the CMS, he should be paying the fair amount based on his income for his daughter.
In regards to the GF looking young, you really can't judge on appearances. I'm 29 but I look about 16 and people always look at me shocked when I am with my ten year old and she starts calling me Mummy nearly every time I am out with her I get a comment from someone about how I can't possible be her mum and we must be sisters and I end up explaining that I am a lot older then I look!
Also you don't know what line of work she is in, while it is rare, I do know of a few people in my previous line of work who have bought their own houses in their early 20's.
I'm glad they have sorted your DD her own bed! I hope that's made you feel a bit better about her staying there x

Starlight345 · 06/10/2018 08:27

Yes go to the cms as he is paying nothing you have nothing to loose even if he is self employed

Original poster

GrumblyinHants · 06/10/2018 20:53

Well with the money before i didn't bother as it seemed petty going after disabled EX for £5 a week when me n partner earn a decent amount and EX does actually come and visit dd every week despite bein poor. But if hes started earning decent money he should be doing more nnow

@inaminuteplease you are right, I don't know anything about this woman. I was just a bit shocked when I saw her, not what I was expecting at all! Nothing like me or his other ex's I've known of before.
At least the house is clean and they have a proper bed. I still dont like her being in a random room but as long a he's watching her I cant really complain?

OP posts:

mumto2babyboys · 08/10/2018 12:51

Did you check the land registry? Cms use the paye system now so if he isn’t self employed they can check instantly what he earns but they are not allowed to tell you.

The thing is if you don’t claim child support you can’t backdate it you can only claim from the day you make a claim so you are losing money by being nice to him

Missillusioned · 08/10/2018 12:58

It's possible the girlfriends parents actually own the house?
Or the woman you saw wasn't the girlfriend, but another relative?

mumto2babyboys · 08/10/2018 14:04

Could be the grandad paying them rent or him claiming housing benefit or not exactly sure of the benefits. But that would help pay for their mortgage also!

mumto2babyboys · 08/10/2018 14:05

He really should be paying child support. He can still see her every week and pay child support both things are seperate! Even if you just put it in a bank account for when she turns 18 it will help her pay for university and a car etc.

Original poster

GrumblyinHants · 08/10/2018 18:25

I haven't had chance to check yet, stuff came up this weekend I've been frazzled Will def. be contacting child maintenence people now though. If he can afford to live in that house now he can pay, if he don't pay rent anymore he can afford to pay!

Thing is @mumto2babyboys before he couldn't see her every week and pay me. I tried getting him to pay for things when she was tiny and it just meant every few weeks he didn't have petrol money to come here. He was on esa i think it was and thats peanuts whereas I not desperate for money so Seemed a bit self defeating!! Gives me a break too if im being honest! But if he's got disposable income now he should contribute

OP posts:

mumto2babyboys · 08/10/2018 19:44

Takes about 5mins and £4 to check the land registry to see who owns that property. You’ve been there you know the address. Um why not do it? Why not claim child support and put it in a bank account for your daughter even if it is minimal amounts that’s more than your daughter is currently getting from him towards her future!

Original poster

GrumblyinHants · 09/10/2018 01:31

OK it's a name I don't recognise but could be her, I don't know her last name. Not EX.

I think we will have to agree to disagree with the maintainence in the past. Honestly I did not want to chase an unemployed disabled man for a £5 a week that I don't need and would prefer to go towards seeing dd in person. I dont like him but i didnt want the hassle of antagonizing him or having to do the horrid drive to him making the £5 a week irrelevant. I wanted him to visit dd even though I don't think much of him it's not me he's seeing. But it looks like he's circumtstances have improved so yes I would expect both now he's playing house in the country

OP posts:

Original poster

GrumblyinHants · 09/10/2018 01:31

*His circumstances

OP posts:

Original poster

GrumblyinHants · 11/10/2018 21:10

OK so quick update in case anybody still interested:

I asked EX today for more money he said he can pay £10 a week no more he still can't afford it. I am going to CMS him as I don't believe him now.

Second I spoke to my sister about all this and she went snooping crazy. Apparently EX and his new woman are mutual with her friend on fb with my sis or something. So she got someone to snoop through their fbs. Am quite cross with my sis as now I know things I wish I didn't. New GF is older than me and an exmodel of some sort and now an artist. Didn't think artists earn that much? She's not famous lol I feel a bit bad about that, think sis enjoyed telling me a bit too much...

Sis also sent me pics of the upstairs of the house with the GF in studio and 3rd bedroom. EX was right it's very small. Long and narrow. But it's wall to wall tropical plants, big fish tank and other small tanks apparently with snakes and tarantulas in them. Apparently pics of another massive fish tank and GF holding a python! assumed by stuff he meant decorating stuff or moving junk not a zoo!? Now i am worried DD is safe? I dont know much about these things but could they hurt her if they get out? Or she got upstairs? Should i speak to EX? Dont want to look mad, he might think I'm stalking him
Hate hate hate spiders though makes me cringe thinking if DD in house full of big hairy ones (in their own room I might add) they dont seem good pets for toddlers?

OP posts:

mumto2babyboys · 12/10/2018 07:45

Sounds a bit far fetched! Model exotic animals, artist etc,

unable to check the last registry. Unable to contact cms to let the sort maintenance. Hmmm

Aprilislonggone · 12/10/2018 08:31

Model?
Python?
She is obviously a porn star!!

Original poster

GrumblyinHants · 12/10/2018 10:28

I have checked the registry, house is nowt to do with EX according to that

Pretty sure she's not a porn star @aprilislonggone she's in her 30s and does paintings. No idea when she was a 'model' as my sister says, could be 10 years ago or 1 year ago afaik.

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