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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

2ND baby with different partners - benefits, advice and what to do if i keep it.

75 replies

tinkerbells · 08/06/2007 18:06

I am a regular on here but i have felt that i need to post under a new id and name because i dont want to get flames for what i am about to say/do.

I have started going out with a new boyfriend, I have a son who is 4.5 yrs with a previous partner. I have been on my own with him for the last yr. My ex - his father pays £333 per month for him. He doesnt pay anything else and i get normal wtc and tc with cb as normal. I work full time as a temp and have mortgage and 80% paid childcare for ds.

I think i am expected and will be doing a test in a couple of days. Things taste funny, strange things that happened before in other pregnancies (2 misscarriages) are happening again so i feel that the test would say yes.

I would love to have another baby but i have only been seeing this guy as my boyfriend for about a month. I am trying to make my head rule rather than my heart (and thinking about what ds wants/being able to support both )because i cant just decide to do this without thinking through all the things that go with it.

I need to know what would happen to the maintenance that my ex pays would it go down. The bf would not be able to support much - he also has 2 kids that he sees and pays a bit for but not alot so althought i could rely on for emotional support maybe not moneywise. I dont want to turn this into any of these.

'I cant believe that you could think about not keeping the baby'
'How stupid i have been, yes i used contraception' it failed and took ma pill.
'why has he got 2 kids already'.

Please give me some advice but i dont want this to get nasty.

thanks

OP posts:

TaylorsMummy · 10/06/2007 10:42

just the whole situation.it doesn't sound promising. just my opinion, will leave this thread now!!

JeremyVile · 10/06/2007 10:46

I dont know the ins and outs of benefits/maintenance etc, but i think you can safely assume that you will continue to recieve enough money to survive on.
The way you recieve the money may change, the proportions and calculations may be altered and yes, it probably will be more confusing (at least at first)but the money you recieve now is calculated on your having 1 dc, if you have another child everything will be adapted to you then having 2 dcs.
Money may be more scarce, you may have to juggle that bit more but it is all do-able, particularly if you have your wits about you.
My feeling is that you need to think less about the financial logistics to start with and really concentrate on whether you want another baby or not.
Good luck.

Original poster

tinkerbells · 10/06/2007 10:48

I want more, no doubt about that.

OP posts:

TaylorsMummy · 10/06/2007 10:52

was gonna leave thread but just wanted to say,what you need to think is whether he is the right person to have a baby with.you said he has two children already.you've only been with him a month,he's living in a room,he doesn't want more kids atm and you are rowing already.the chances are,if you are pregnant and decide to go ahead,this will split you up.then you have to think,you are gonna be on your own with two.that makes it much more difficult,ime,to then form a decent relationship with anyone else.my sister has two dc by two different men and is on her own and she has not met anyone at all,apart from one casual fling,and her youngest is 4 1/2.i'm not saying it's impossible but i'm saying it does narrow down your options a lot

Original poster

tinkerbells · 10/06/2007 10:57

thankyou taylors mummy.

OP posts:

RLR · 10/06/2007 11:22

i think you sound like a lovely person and planning and thinking ahead is good.like you said earlier you never know whats round the corner eg you might have to bring the baby up on ur own . keep us posted i also think you have a strong mind and you could do this with out with out ur bf. let us know when you do the test. take care x

looneytune · 10/06/2007 11:33

As RLR said, I know you'd be fine bringing 2 up on your own! The only concern I have is that I know you like to go out and I worry you'd be lonely so think about this too but I'm sure you'd be fine

divastrop · 10/06/2007 11:37

i dont agree with taylorsmummy atall.if you are already pregnant and dont want to have an abortion then thats that.if the relationship works out then great but if it doesnt then you will manage,and having 2 children wont stop you meeting the right man for you.

i speak from experience here.i think this is one time in your life where you should let your heart rule your head.

Original poster

tinkerbells · 10/06/2007 12:56

you mean looney i am a piss head!!!

OP posts:

looneytune · 10/06/2007 13:10

, well, more like you've had a wild year but then again, you needed to really!

Original poster

tinkerbells · 10/06/2007 13:11

HAVE HAD LOTS OF CHANCES THIS WEEK not touched a drop and dont want to. Wont even on friday if i am.

OP posts:

colditz · 10/06/2007 13:18

So Taylorsmummy, on the one hand, she shouldn't consider the financial implications of a new baby, because money shouldn't enter into such a decision, but on the other hand, she should consider the 'getting a new boyfriend' implications?

So, is the ability to get a new boyfriend more important than the level of poverty you will have to raise your child/children in?

looneytune · 10/06/2007 13:59

Presumed you wouldn't . I must admit, I wish I was coming on Friday night!!! At least you should know either way by then eh

Original poster

tinkerbells · 10/06/2007 16:57

why cant you?

OP posts:

looneytune · 11/06/2007 10:45

family stuff

looneytune · 13/06/2007 10:15

Any news?

sniff · 13/06/2007 10:33

my maintanance didnt cahne when I had my other children my tax credits went up my partner stayed with me and we have been together 5 yrs I hadnt been with him long either and it was very awkward at the beginning but ok now

allgonebellyup · 13/06/2007 11:53

Taylorsmummy you are so unhelpful . Go away.
Again.

TaylorsMummy · 13/06/2007 12:17

allgonebellyup · 13/06/2007 12:20

yourself

why shouldnt the OP think of the financial gain/loss that a new child would make?
Its not all about losing one bloke and trying find a new one.

TaylorsMummy · 13/06/2007 12:25

i didn't say it was the op came across as all about what benefits she would lose and if her money would be reduced.

she then went on to the whole sorry story and i was trying to get the point across that because you want another baby, it doesn't have to be this loser's baby. i do speak from family experience when i say once you have two kids by two men it can be really hard to find someone else and in all areas of life.

i was only giving my opinion of the situation. if you don't like it,then fine but don't tell me to 'go away' you don't own this site

allgonebellyup · 13/06/2007 12:29

Yes i do

TaylorsMummy · 13/06/2007 12:31

allgonebellyup · 13/06/2007 12:35

If the OP does have a baby and split with her bloke, who says she wants a new bloke anyway? Women can live on their own very happily, you know.

Original poster

tinkerbells · 13/06/2007 16:46

Whole sorry story?. I said it as it was.

I was worried that i might not be able to afford another one not if another bloke would have me because to be frank any man would be lucky to have my son and I and any other children i have in the future.

You have assumed certian things on this thread which have been incorrect. Thankyou for the majority of the posts from the helpful people.

I started bleeding last night so will be testing in the morning just to double check. I was gutted when i did so if it happens again i know my true feelings.

OP posts:

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