Ex wants to use my house for access visits

[BelleBoyd]

Following on from a thread I started on Saturday. I’ve told my ex that he can’t spend his time visiting the kids at my house anymore. He had been doing this every Saturday and Sunday and Ive now said he can see them every Saturday but has to take them out.
He lives in a place that children can’t stay or visit. He’s arguing with me that my house is the children’s house not just my house and he should visit them there where it’s comfortable for them and come wintertime he won’t be able to take them out as it will be too cold!
I’ve given him suggestions on what he can do but he’s adamant that he sees them at mine.
I just can’t get him to agree to taking them out. I’m going to put my foot down this time and insist he takes them out or doesn’t see them but this all seems madness. He doesn’t seem to understand this is unreasonable.

Hurrah you have seen the light!

How far away does his mum live? Why did he move somewhere where his children aren't allowed?

Because he's an arse!!!!

His mum is about 2 hours drive/train away. He moved to his current place as it’s very cheap and doesn’t want to rent anything as he says the rents are too high which they are but he does work. He’s also been offered money to help him out from his mum but refused. If it was me I’d do anything to have somewhere for my kids to stay with me.

Offer him contact centre only.

Try and put yourself in his position

Why? OP has the kids all week and should then put up with an X littering the sofa at the weekends? No doubt expecting to be fed and watered and use the Internet.

He needs to go to a contact centre or a relatives or rent something better - his choice

Why can't he have them at his place?
For equality and fairness, he should have them 50% of the week. Are you prepared for that? Why is 9-5 too long for him to have them? He's their dad. What do you think might happen?

He is not permitted to have DC where he rents. So when he has the DC he can't take them to his place but that's his problem to sort. He could book a travelodge room EOW for the Sat night.

When he had a shared rental he did have them one night a week because I suggested it. But then wouldn’t have them the next day as he was too tired. I don’t think he’d have them eow even if he could. I think the issue is he wants to be at my place or failing that me to be out doing whatever with them. 9-5 seems long as he’s only had them a few hours at a time ever (without family help).

Of course he wants to be at yours. He can check up on you and make sure you're "behaving"

Isn't one day every weekend going to mean you can never ever do trips away? I would hate that.

You are absolutely reasonable to exclude your ex from your home. He is your ex, he does not get to be part of your life any more than is unavoidable for good shared parenting. Stick to your guns.

Offer him precicely 50% of weekends and that should be every other weekend so that you can make proper plans for a full weekend with or without the kids without having to dance to his tune. That he doesn't have a permanent place he can host the kids is simply not your problem. If he wants to be a patent he has to pull his finger out and come up with a solution. It is not for you to make suggestions for his approval. Stop enabling his laziness.

I hope what you’ve offered gives you complete weekends with the kids not just leftover days? Not your problem if he doesn’t want to see them midweek, you don’t have to compensate for his choices by offering him time every weekend.

If it was me I’d do anything to have somewhere for my kids to stay with me.

But what he wants is to be in your (formerly also his?) home.
He clearly doesn't want the responsibility, just (barely) the Disney part.