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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

For some reason I am feeling lonely and down today.

32 replies

Pinkchampagne · 29/05/2007 19:25

I've been on my own for over 3 weeks now, and I seemed to be coping with it all pretty well, but today I have been feeling low.

The boys have been with their dad since lunchtime at my parents house (parents are away) & are staying overnight, and my house seems so quite & lonely. I actually feel like crying & I don't really know why I have hit this sudden low today.
One of my friends has just phoned me before going off on her holiday tomorrow & she could tell straight away that I sounded a bit lower than normal, but I don't know why I'm like this today. I just feel really alone & a bit of a misery!
Did anyone else have moments of hitting horrible lows like this, weeks after the actual separation?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 29/05/2007 19:33

Maybe it's the weather!

OP posts:
j20baby · 29/05/2007 19:42

oh pink, i know the feeling well, but you have choices:

get an early night, a nice long soak in the bath, watch a dvd uninterupted, go out to the pub, go late night shopping(no kids to drag round, in fact probably no kids in the shop this late), sort stuff out that you've been meaning to do for ages, read a book, spend all night on mn, internet shop browsing............

honestly though, it'll pass x

j20baby · 29/05/2007 19:43

i think its the feeling of not being needed that does it! oh and prob the weather

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 29/05/2007 19:59

I have just had a nice bath with some Molton Brown bubble bath & feel a little better!

I have been coping so well with being on my own until today! I spent pretty much the whole of the first day in this house in tears, but that was my only tearful day, which I was quite impressed with!

Now here I am over 3 weeks later on a bit of a downer, and I am not sure exactually what's triggered it all!

I don't drive, so can't go late night shopping anywhere exciting, but might have to do some online food shopping in a bit!

OP posts:
elkiedee · 29/05/2007 20:00

3 weeks is a very short time to get over any split, it seems to me, and none of my breakups involved kids or even living together. Presumably when the kids are there you're having to deal with their needs, and today you're alone with your thoughts.

Do the kids come home tomorrow?

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 29/05/2007 20:07

I think you're right there. The boys have been very demanding since the move & I have also been busy with work. I work in a school, so I'm now on half term & this is the first time the boys have been with their dad for this length of time. It is all quiet & lonely, and like you say, it's just me & my thoughts.

Boys are home tomorrow morning sometime.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 29/05/2007 20:14

Maybe I'll have a glass of wine - that should cheer me up a bit!

OP posts:
miniandme · 29/05/2007 20:18

Pinkchampagne do i know you?? i had a different name too??

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 29/05/2007 20:21

Yes you do, we spoke on MSN a lot! I have had many different names over the last few years!!

Really pleased to hear your latest news!

OP posts:
miniandme · 29/05/2007 20:24

Thank you it really is amazing how things change eventually.
its taken me 5 years to get to this stage and i must say to get what i have i would wait another 5 years.My story should keep you going and show that it gets better even when its bad xxx

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 29/05/2007 20:31

I am so pleased you have found someone nice - you deserve it!

I have been doing a lot better than I thought I would since the move, but today I just started feeling horribly down.
Hopefully it will pass pretty quickly. I guess it is still early days, even though I had the longest, most stressful lead up to all this!

OP posts:
tigerschick · 29/05/2007 20:34

Hi Pinkchampagne. Just wanted to say that I think you are almost definately doing a lot better than it feels. Try to see your evening alone as a positive thing if you possibly can. I hope you are feeling better very soon.

Speccy · 29/05/2007 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 29/05/2007 21:03

Thank you for your messages.

I like the no housework rule! Was thinking of tackling a bit more of my ironing, but you have convinced me to leave it in the basket for tonight!

I am feeling a tiny bit better after a bath & now a drink!
It feels good to have my broadband back & be able to get back on MN of an evening, that's for sure!

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 29/05/2007 22:59

Hi PC it happens from time to time and still does for me but it gets easier all the time.

Hope you are feeling a little better now.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 29/05/2007 23:10

Hi GF, I am feeling a bit better than I was earlier, due to a couple of drinks, music & MN!

Spent ages trying to do my online food shopping earlier & managed to somehow lose the lot of it during the checkout process, so v fed up about that!

Do you still get low moments even now, GF?

OP posts:
harman · 29/05/2007 23:14

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 29/05/2007 23:36

Awww, you may still get the happy ending, harmen. How long have you been on your own now?

It can feel pretty lonely though, can't it?
Out of my circle of friends, I am the only single one, and sometimes I do feel so alone.

I saw my sister at the w/e & she was saying how she took my parents out for a meal for supporting her while finding a new job.
I did feel a little bit upset that they could be so supportive to my sister over her job because to them that is a positive thing, something that looks good, but they can't show me the smallest amount of support because I have failed in their eyes.

Think everything kind of got on top of me today, and having the very quiet, lonely house, made it worse.

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 30/05/2007 09:05

I think it is inevitable PC. Coping with three kids on ym own is bloody hard work. THe rewards are bigger but so is the stress and tax on my patience and sanity! Also coping with money issues and everything else can get me down and pmt is always lurking ready to strike once a month.

I always think though that if I was with someone I would have lows as well it makes no real difference it is just what we choose to blame our lows on.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 30/05/2007 09:30

Oh I agree, GF! I had the most awful lows when I was with H, and I know that I have made the right decision in ending the relationship, but I sometimes feel kind of lonely & very low. However, I do cope ok (ish!) most of the time & I'm doing kind of ok in general. I guess I am still trying to adjust to everything though, and I have to remind myself that it's still very early days & that this is maybe to be expected!

OP posts:
glitterfairy · 30/05/2007 09:37

You are doing great PC. It would be surprising to the person you were a year ago how well you are now and how strong you have been.

Sometimes we need to look back with some perspective to see how far we have come and how well we have done. Both of us have come out of abusive relationships after a long time of being used to think of ourselves as less than what we really are and the adjustment can take an awful amount of effort and time.

THe lows get less and honestly become easier to deal with over time. I recognise them for what they are now and just get on with things. I still believe though that some of it is our natural cycle and we will always have lows just different ones.

Lonelines on the other hand is different and harder to deal with. Surround yourself with your good friends and keep in touch with people. Do something different and start a new hobby or interest. Widen your circle and keep yourself looking good and it will end up well! I promise (well at least that is what I tell myself)

NuttyMuffins · 30/05/2007 09:43

Blimey Harman, are you me ?? That is the thought that goes through my hvery single day, and I also watch Bridgit Jones and every other similar film and end up nearly in tears cos my life is so notlike that and never will be.

It will get better PC, it's hard to explian how, but it just does, you get into your own routines and get used to being the only one responsible for eveything and you just get on with it.

I agree that the lonliness is by far the hardest part, I hate it and 99% of my tears are usually because I feel so lonely, but again you get used to that too.

You will get there, this time next year it will be you here giving advice to some one else, and you'll realise how far you've come.

Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 30/05/2007 09:53

Thanks, GF.

I am surrounding myself with good friends, which has helped me keep my spirits up, especially as my own family have been so unsupportive. (Not that I should ever have expected anything else there!)
I met friends for lunch yesterday, have another friend visiting this afternoon, another visiting this evening, and then another (who hasn't yet seen my house) is coming round tomorrow night, and I am out on the town Friday night for the first time in ages! I do have quite a busy week this week, which is a good thing!

Still don't feel great about myself, but that may take some time because I've always been a little like that, although counselling & MN has helped me a little there too!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkchampagne · 30/05/2007 09:55

Nutty - the tragic thing is, I have given positive advice to others on here already, during my more positive moments! I hope they don't read this thread & see me being so negative & miserable!!

OP posts:
isheisnthe · 30/05/2007 10:21

PC - yesterday afternoon I went home and the boys were in nursery - those crushing feelings of loneliness and self doubt creep in - but they creep out again. We all have them - you are doing really well, try not to be too hard on yourself