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Original poster

Ex moving in with gf

38 replies

Hullabalooo · 24/06/2018 14:27

Just that really. My EA ex is moving in with his gf after 10 months together. Although i left him, it's really affected me to hear that. Between them both they're clearing over 100k a year and I've had to fight to get cms. I'm in a place of being exhausted, broke, stressed and feeling like he's got everything so easily and my life is in tatters. She thinks he's the bees knees.

I feel like things aren't ever going to improve for me and feel so wretched that I'm bawling even though I find him repellent and don't want to be with him. How do I manage feeling so crummy and why is it affecting me so much? We split up in March 2017.

OP posts:
Kingsclerelass · 24/06/2018 18:44

Oh hullabaloo, I’m sorry you feel like that. Things will get better. You’ll get back on your feet soon.
Think of it this way, she may be all loved up and armed with a credit card, but she’s moving in with your ex - who will quite possibly treat her like he treated you.
Meanwhile, you have the bed to yourself, less need to cook endless meals, a bathroom that stays cleanish, possession of the tv remote...no need to walk on eggshells all the time. I know it’s hard but other people always look like they have the perfect life from the outside, but they seldom do. Give yourself a treat tomorrow, however superficial. Flowers

DuchyDuke · 24/06/2018 18:46

See it this way: some women have no standards when it comes to landing themselves a wealthy guy. I have no doubt he’s being as EA to her as he was to you, probably worse because the relationship has moved so fast that he probably needs to lock her down.

Original poster
Hullabalooo · 24/06/2018 18:58

Thanks both. She's actually earns far more than he does so I can see he wants in on that front. He rinsed me dry before that.

Just twigged that he received a notification by child maintenance service to pay ten days ago after months of no maintenance. I bet the moving in is connected. Saves money doesn't it. He did the same with me.

OP posts:
NorthernSpirit · 24/06/2018 21:53

Yes, it does seem very soon, but you can’t do anything about it. I appreciate it’s difficult for you (even though you left him). Sounds like he’s moved on.

Between them they warn over £100k and she’s the highest earner. She has no responsibility to fund your children and she can spend her money on what she wants, including him (more fool her).

Do you invest enough time in you? Do something for yourself?

Original poster
Hullabalooo · 25/06/2018 00:12

I think I do need some time for me. It's been such a horrible year with lots of abuse. I might start taking an hour every couple of days to cycle somewhere before or after work you just get some headspace. My brain hurts from it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hullabalooo · 25/06/2018 21:37

He wants me to meet her. Any tips on managing an encounter?

OP posts:
dogzdinner · 25/06/2018 21:41

Why would you need to meet her?

Original poster
Hullabalooo · 26/06/2018 12:36

I suppose because I'll see her at theirs during handovers and it's good to know who will be looking after my son, as its her who will end up doing most of it probably.

Might also help to dispel the I'm mad thing he's told her and everyone.

OP posts:
NorthernSpirit · 26/06/2018 14:03

IMO is not good meeting the new partner. In your OP you say him moving on has ‘really affected you’. If that’s the case, how do you think meeting the GF will help? I’m a DSM and I have no interest in meeting the EW (but she is extremely hostile so that’s another story).

You don’t need to see her at handovers.

It isn’t ‘good you know who will be looking after MY son’ (you mean OUR son). The dad should be doing the looking after.

For your own sanity, leave them to it.

gillybeanz · 26/06/2018 14:09

Gosh, I'd be making sure it was him doing the caring or the child/ren wouldn't be going.
have you got contact arranged through court?

Starlight345 · 26/06/2018 14:32

I would say in reality there is nothing you can do about who cares for your dd in his care unless you discover she is abusive .

I doubt he has good intentions . I would simply say it’s fine take back the power

Starlight345 · 26/06/2018 14:33

Sorry ds

dogzdinner · 26/06/2018 18:58

I don't think there's any need for you to meet her. If he's been abusive to you, I would suggest he wants to do it just to upset you.

eve34 · 26/06/2018 19:14

Sorry to hear you are struggling. It just seems so easy as they swan out and set up a new life so quickly.

My ex had moved in with ow 12 weeks after leaving me. The kids have been thrown into this whole new family and are finding it very hard.

I have no say in any of this and don't want one. I wouldn't meet her. There is no purpose. And I have to let him parent how he sees fit. Although below my standards. In Reflection when my time comes he gets no say in the person/people in my life.

Try and remain dignified and hold your head high. He hasn't changed and will be treating her like he treated you at some point.

Original poster
Hullabalooo · 26/06/2018 19:21

Sigh

OP posts:
Original poster
Hullabalooo · 26/06/2018 19:22

So is it just better not to meet the woman who'll be involved in my son's life? Just thinking that although I don't want to, it would be the mature response wouldn't it?

OP posts:
AtreidesFreeWoman · 26/06/2018 19:29

I'd meet her.

She's going to be involved in your sons life.

Take the opportunity to be pleasant and polite.

Then when he rants about you being unreasonable she has a memory of you being far from that.

Spanglyprincess1 · 26/06/2018 19:30

I met my partner's ex, wasn't an issue. Up to you if you want to or not. Sounds harsh but the new relationship is none of your buisness provides your joint children are being cared for when in his custody.
Focus on what makes you happy and do that, ex 's are ex's for a reason afterall.

Mumknowsbest6 · 26/06/2018 20:42

My ex and OW were living together before our DD was even born!
I met OW at my request before DD stayed overnight as I knew she would be heavily involved. If you don’t want to meet her then put it off until you are ready there is no right or wrong here as everyone is different.

Original poster
Hullabalooo · 26/06/2018 21:52

Thanks. So could I request that as he's away a lot that he asks me or family to have dc first rather than her? When dc is with ex I mean.

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Original poster
Hullabalooo · 26/06/2018 21:52

Feel really low

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HollowTalk · 26/06/2018 21:55

It really pisses me off that contact stays when the father isn't there. I'm divorced and I wouldn't have tolerated that - I'm sure my ex's wife wouldn't have wanted it, either. It's one thing having someone offering in an emergency, but there is no way I'd want my children staying with another woman when their dad was working away.

Eesha · 27/06/2018 06:44

Just to say time heals and he is someone else’s problem now. He might be nicer now in a new relationship but you know the truth.

Original poster
Hullabalooo · 27/06/2018 21:57

Realising that he's moving in with her in August just before dc starts school for the first time so extra upheaval when he's been highlighted as a child needing extra emotional support from the school . So selfish that he can't wait a little bit longer

OP posts:
eve34 · 28/06/2018 06:59

Kids are resilient. I know how we as parents worry. My youngest has just rolled with the changes. As I did at that age.
I know you Are going through an awful lot. Lean on people around you.
You deserve better. Have you decided about meeting ow? Do what is right for you.

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