I don't think I love my 1 year old.

[RosemaryLemonxx]

Please don't say talk to someone as I have.
People keep saying it will get easier and it's getting harder. I want to give up

Who have you spoken to . Hv , gp ?

It sounds like pnd

Don’t give up. Who have you spoken to and what did they say? How long have you felt like this? Can you tell us a bit about your situation?

Having a young child is HARD. And harder on your own.

I've spoken to both my HV and gp. I suppose the whole thing has been hard, as expected. But his behaviour has got awful. He's refusing meals I spend time cooking, he's never slept and now weaning him onto a beaker and that's been a nightmare.

Don't under-estimate the role of sleep deprivation, it makes everything ten times worse. You say he doesn't sleep. Can you sort that? Sleep training?

He's not behaving awfully, he's one. You are over-invested I'm cooking him meals: my two eat random bits of whatever I put on their plate. Look at what he eats over a week.

It sounds like you could do with some support and reassurance. You sound like you care deeply about getting things 'right' (we all do!), can you et together with some other mums and share your moans?

Also, can you co-sleep? Both of mine needed me next to them in order to sleep

I've tried the cry it out, white noise co sleeping. None of these help. I was up with him since 12 last night. No sleep after that. He literally doesn't touch a bite of food now

Sounds really tough OP, do you have friends who can help and reassure you? What about relatives who can offer some support/babysitting?

You need respite.
You need support.
You need practical help.
Have you a Sure Start in your area?
You really need to get across to your HV how desperate things are for you.
It's not your fault.

hey I went through a very similar situation. It does get easier! You're at a very hard age though and as a LP it can be excruciating at times.

you need support, see your GP / HV and approach Homestart, they have volunteers who help in situations like yours and can give you support in your home or with your kid.

The food thing - it's not worth stressing about honestly. Pick your battles! Give him something easy you know he will eat (yoghurt or toast or something) if he's refusing cooked food. Give it a couple of weeks / months this will change. It's not worth the stress when you're stressed anyway. Nearly sent myself mad worrying about this until I realised it's not worth the headspace and will change.

Can you get any time for yourself? Put him in nursery for an afternoon? That makes the world of difference. If not I am sure there are other ways to grab a lilttle time and more support. So important.

Have you given any sleep training method at least 3 nights?

Don’t slave over food he won’t eat. If you can afford children’s ready meals then do it.

I wouldn’t worry about weaning onto a beaker right now if it feels like too much. No harm will come (in my non-expert opinion) from him having a bottle a while longer. You have bigger fish to fry.

It sounds awful but I promise you it will get better. Talk to everyone, accept all the help you can get but he WILL grow up and it will get easier. Offering hugs and wishing I could make the here and now easier for you xxx

He's only one don't worry about weaning, let's face it he'll be weaned before he goes to school. I used to tell myself this about potty training too.
Just let him do things in his own time.

Bless you. Mine was horrible between about nine and thirteen months. I really felt like she was sticking two fingers up at me and going 'fuck you Mum' on a daily basis. It does get better. Now she just shows me up in public regularly. They are designed to spend the first couple of years making it look like it's your first day.

Joking aside, try to find the joy and cut yourself some slack. Don't cook for a kid that won't eat your dinners. It's pointless. Leave it a while and one day he will when someone else has cooked the exact same thing you did

A 360 beaker is great for avoiding puddles (emptying out the sippy cup still gives me the rage) and they figure it out for themselves eventually.

I promise you that the way you feel is a reflection of the fact you really, really care about your son. Hang in there...

P.S My son was well overdue on every single milestone, I didn't force it or care what anyone elses baby was doing. He eventually went to university and is now a professional artist with his own home. i was a single mum too and had to work full time. I let him sleep with me and he'd settle, I stopped worrying about things I couldn't change. He will sleep soon I promise you.

@RosemaryLemonxx

Who do you have around you? If it's possible for you to get some time to rest, then you need to call whoever you have around you.

Regarding the food; honestly, just stop cooking for him. I know everyone wants to be super mum and make everything from scratch, but he isn't going to care one bit about that. Buy the pre-made baby stuff. Or just stick with pasta and fruit. Whatever he will eat. Keep it simple. Keep it fast. Don't worry about it. He will eat when he's hungry. Don't exhaust yourself cooking meals for a 1 year old.

If you're in the West of Scotland, give me a shout.

Oh gosh that’s hard as a lone parent. Are you with him all day every day? You need to try and get a break some how.
Some children don’t follow the rule book. For now do what is easy. Feed him anything he will eat. Sleep wherever he will sleep. My daughter only ever slept in the car. Or for 5 minute cat naps. I understand how utterly devestating that time was. It did stop me bonding with her too. Right now, get whatever rest you can get, take whatever help you can get from wherever. Can you afford a day or 2 of childcare a week for a while if you are a full time parent.

Thanks so much everyone. Made me so emotional. I really can't afford any childcare and there isn't really anyone to help me. So it is a 24/7 thing. He seems even worse when I put him to bed with me which is odd. I will speak to my HV again. She's doing a home visit on Tuesday

Rocinante1
Aw thanks. I'm not though, I'm Kent

My daughter (15 months) started refusing the lovely meals I made her and just threw them on the floor whilst clamping her mouth shut and laughing.

I started buying her Lidl baby microwave meals instead. I felt less annoyed with her because it wasn't taking me ages to lovingly prepare her food, and the little monster ate them

Sorry to hear you are so down. It's hard x

Please confide in your health visitor. Mine last year was amazing when I couldn't cope any more. She helped me get started with putting a support network in place of people who were not directly involved in my life but who I could rely on for a bit of support when I needed it. There's nothing you can say to her which she hasn't heard from another Mum already and sometimes all you need is for someone to hear you say the things that are in your head out loud. Just the act of sharing your feelings can make them seem less bad. No judgement from anyone here and your HV will be the same.

Definitely try Homestart!!
www.home-start.org.uk/about-us

Get out with the buggy for a super long walk. Get as much fresh air as you both can. It's the only thing that helped with my youngest who was a nightmare.

Loads if fresh air and he was much more settled at night. Also, he might be irritated by teeth niggling his mouth so a bit of Calpol when he's not settling might help. He can't tell you he's sore, as as long as you stick to the dosage allowed, you won't do him any harm.
Another God send for us was a light projector which played music. The pictures changed and the music kept him entertained - could you try one of those?

rocinante1 - totally agree about getting out of the house when things start getting too much. changes your headspace so much as well as the little one's!!