I don't think I love my 1 year old.

[RosemaryLemonxx]

Please don't say talk to someone as I have.
People keep saying it will get easier and it's getting harder. I want to give up

Yes I pretty much spend all
Day out. In the park, soft play walking around the shops, seeing a couple of mums. I've tried music, light projectors. No luck x

Hello my lovely, I have a few tears myself reading this as this could have been me around that age - how old is he now exactly?

I wasn’t a lone parent, so you have a harder job than I do by far, but I have twins and they were so difficult from about 9-15 months. I was utterly, utterly miserable. They drank so much milk and mostly through the night - they’d each wake up every 2-3 hours and rarely at the same time. They completely stopped napping around 12 months. They would throw food on the floor rather than eat it, or one would dodge the spoon and cry if I tried to spoon feed him. I was exhausted from doing solids and bottles and still not sleeping, plus they were mobile and with no sense of danger so the one who was walking by then was constantly falling down. Life felt impossible honestly. My physical and mental health was in the toilet. I’m not sure I felt overwhelming love for them then - I was too tired. I felt concern (actually, anxiety) and worried constantly about everything but we didn’t have an amazing bond (they were never cuddly, didn’t like kisses etc).

Then things just started to change really fast. They started eating more, they started cutting down the milk themselves and most importantly they started sleeping - they cut down to 2 wake ups about 15 months, then down to 1 and now some nights they don’t wake up at all. If they do, I go in, hand them a bottle of water and leave them to it. At bed time I put them down with a bottle, I leave and they put themselves to sleep. I can’t tell you the difference this makes to my mental health. Last night they woke up at 2am and wouldn’t go back to sleep and honestly I had forgotten how awful that is. They even nap again - after lunch, for two hours most days. It’s fantastic.

Even better, we have a reciprocal relationship now - when we see each other, we all smile. They want cuddles, they laugh consistently when I play games, each have their favourite songs / other things that are our special things. I love them so much, even when they’re being little terrors. My short fuse has gone because I’m sleeping so much better.

I promise you it won’t be like this forever. The key is getting some support now so you can get through the next few months. Have you met any other mums you can talk to? Can you get your HV to refer you to homestart / sure start depending what’s available where you are? What made a real difference for us was attending a group at the local children’s centre - I picked up so many techniques for communicating with them and they quickly learned a lot from the routine and the other kids.

One of my sons is having some scary health issues right now and what ive found is that there’s a lot of help available but no one tells you about it. Is your HV good? Ask them explicitly - What help is available to me? What services or groups can you signpost me to?

With the feeding, if he’s not eating much then sod cooking. Get some Ella’s kitchen pouches, get some bloody fish fingers and potato waffles, get some fruit as it’s sweet and kids like it and just let him learn to enjoy it. When he’s eating more often you can introduce variety and he will sleep better. Is there anything he will eat?

can you get something in the calendar you can look forward to? A couple of days visiting friends (with baby) or a day trip or two?

I found I felt much happier when I had life events in the calendar that I was going to enjoy and get away for a little while. Something to look forward to.

Just wanted to send you a virtual hug. You sound like you really need some support and encouragement. Kids are often super fussy about food at this age, I agree with others, just give him what he will eat as long as it isn't junk. It will pass, and lots of exercise and fresh air will really help him sleep. Would he drink smoothies? Might fill him up and get some vitamins and minerals into him too. Lots of fruit and maybe almond milk rather than ordinary milk. He may sleeper better too if his tummy is full.

Don't bother cooking if he's not going to eat. Buy baby food if it's grinding you down.
Find anyway that you can to make it more bearable. Strive for the joy, the chores can wait (a little bit at least).
Toddlers are impossible and there will be days when you are counting down the hours until bedtime. This is normal, you are doing your best and the little one doesn't know anymore better. It's a bad day and tomorrow will be the same or better, possibly worse, but it's just a day.

Again thanks for the advice. He won't eat anything puréed like the Ella's kitchen which he used to love when I used them when we were out etc.
I'm not sure what my HV is like yet as I have only met her once. We go to lots or groups and things. Go away every month or so to stay with family, and all the while I am feeling utterly miserable. I'm glad for the theta that went through this made t out to the other end happy! I look forward to it.

He turned 1 a couple of weeks ago. He was prem so he is a little behind, not too worried about that as he's catching up quickly.

My boys were prem too and I didn’t realise I was suffering from birth trauma and postnatal anxiety until they were about 1.

I get the Ella’s kitchen bigger pouches with the tear Top that are chunkier - stil use those for a lunch if I’m in a rush. Try things like crumpets or scotch pancakes with butter / jam, anything to get him hooked on food. He will get it, I promise. I look back now and wish I hadn’t stressed so much about weaning.

For months now he's had big meals whatever I'm having. The food thing has only just started :/ he's lactose intolerant too so most things have to be done fresh.
So I haven't even had the luxury of going to bed tonight., still up with him

Sleep deprivation is torturous. Have you tried controlled crying? I mean really tried it, consistently sticking to the timings for a full week? It's hard but if you can crack the sleep issues that would be a huge leap forward.

Forget about the beaker thing. My 18 month old still drinks from a bottle. Its not the end of the world. Ideally a beaker would be better but you have more important things to focus on.

The food thing. How old is your DC? 'Food before one is just for Fun'. So if he is only 13 months, don't worry it's still early stages. Don't fall into the trap of cooking multiple meals if he refuses his dinner. (He will learn to eat it if he knows he doesn't get other options). If you are worried about him being hungry before bed and not sleeping well as a result of this. Give him porridge or a yoghurt (sweet it need be) before bed (not in the same sitting after dinner. But literally 5 mins before bedtime) it will help fill up his tummy and make you not feel too bad bout putting him to bed hungry.

I hope things get easier for you. You have your work cut out being on your own. Well done for getting this far xx

A few things to add . Do contact homestart .

I had a Surestart worker when my Ds was that age , he had severe seperation anxiety. But it is was so helpful .

Ignore the beaker issue , far too young to worry and battle about.

Is he literally eating nothing or a couple of bites . It might be worth putting some fruit around , offering a bit off your plate. Yoghurts .
When my Ds was about 3 he went through periods of not eating, . I would make him a junk food meal . I nutritionally didn’t care if he ate it . He often did . I do think he picked up in my stress .

If you have found he is lactose intolerant , he may be associating food with pain.

How much sleep is he actually getting . I would do a sleep diary as it sounds well below normal levels

Sorry, just coming back to this to see how you're doing. With the sleep side of things, we've recently been going through all keep training, eventually we called on a sleep consultant. She didn't tell us anything we hadn't tried but we just hadn't tried for long enough. We've had to be so consistent it's ridiculous, for a good 3 weeks. Whatever you pick to do, I'd say try out for 2 weeks before you decide it's not working.

The good thing about 1yos is that they become 18 month olds ;)

You need a good rest. Would one of the mums you know help you out for one night?

It is the hardest jobever, and your feelings are normal. We get so much thrown at us it's hard to remember who we are ourselves sometimes. Be kind to yourself x

Some shopping centres have creches where you can leave your children while you shop.
If that's a possibility you could drop him there and sit down and have a coffee

Would letting him sleep in with you help you get more sleep?

How are you doing today OP?

single parenting with a baby is THE hardest thing in the world. It really does get easier when they get bigger - though it is impossible to imagine that now. You are not alone, Rosemary, there are many here who have been through the battles and the desperation of bringing up a baby alone, we really do understand. I know it's hard when people in real life have no concept of how exhausting and relentless it can be.

Look how many responses you have got. That shows how many relate to and empathise with what you are feeling. Keep on going. By getting out to groups, you are doing all the right stuff. If you can afford a childminder for a few hours twice a week, I would recommend it. I never did as was worried about money but with hindsight, I think I should have found a way rather than driving myself into the ground. Even if just two hours once a week, when you can go home and sit and do nothing.

The love will come when you are more rested. It's impossible to feel anything except anger and fear when you are so exhausted.

Thanks everyone for your responses. He has tested me more than ever with his constant moaning. I can't do anything right. Unfortunately I don't even have a couple of pounds spending money, let alone money for a childminder. Your comments however do help

I think he is teething something. consider yourself in his position having pain, that may help you.

Can any family come and stay for a couple of nights to kick start sleep training with you? When you're this exhausted, you need back up!